Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2002. Mattie was one month old. Each day I would try to capture photos of Mattie and this one I titled..... Do you hear what I hear??? Mattie had a precious baby face and he was born ON, engaged, and wanted to take in the world around him.
Quote of the day: Every object had a shatter point, a limitation to its tensile strength. Apply enough force, and it would break. ~ V.E. Schwab
I woke up this morning to a credit card security fraud alert on my phone. That was at 6:30am. Nothing jolts me out of bed faster than fraud! Turns out everything was okay because it was an auto renewal of a membership. So it was a known charge to me! But honestly, I have now become a person who gets anxious over emails, texts, and mail!
I wish that was the end of my morning anxiety! Forget it. When I went to wake my dad up and got him in the bathroom, he proceeded to poop all over the bathroom floor. I got him in the shower, was cleaning the bathroom floor, and he pooped all over the shower! Which of course meant cleaning him thoroughly and then scrubbing the shower. When I finally got my dad cleaned and dressed, he pooped once again all over himself, the bathroom floor and his clean clothes. It was two hours of torture. Mind you I spent over a week getting the smell of norovirus out of their bedroom. That took Clorox, white vinegar and constant fans running. In fact, while my dad was in the hospital, I removed my mom from that room altogether for a deep clean out.
Originally I had a conference call scheduled today at 11am. However, given the nightmare I was juggling. I had to reschedule the call for thirty minutes later. I hate doing something like this because it reminds me that I have NO CONTROL over any aspect of my life. It is hard to look professional when juggling the care of two 90-year-olds. When my parents moved in with us in 2021, it was a hard and painfully SLOW adjustment for me to say good-bye to all aspects of my life.... friends, outings, events, social activities, free time alone, and of course being able to schedule Mattie Miracle meetings and gatherings. But this is the life of a full-time caregiver, it is absolutely impossible to juggle anything else. Today was a reminder once again of my reality and it is frustrating, upsetting, and makes me angry because caregiving was thrust upon me, and when I agreed to do this, I agreed because I wasn't going to be doing it ALONE. Trying to do all of this while going through what I deem a horrific divorce is close to impossible.
It was such a bad morning that my "former" in-laws called me. They were both worried about me. I could hear it in their voices and when I did not respond to their text messages earlier in the morning, they knew something was wrong. Truly anyone following my saga wonders.... how hasn't Vicki cracked up yet?
But the pièce de résistance, is the hiccupping! I honestly do not know how I am going to manage this, as my dad has been hiccupping for a week now! Doctors are clueless and have no other solutions and basically it is me who is left to deal with it. My dad is exhausted from hiccupping and I have no idea if it recovering from Norovirus or the hiccupping, but he is refusing solid food. So overall, it has been a hellish day in my house with no end in sight.
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