Friday, February 13, 2026

Friday, February 13, 2026

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2008. It was five months before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. That weekend we took him to Roosevelt Island. A place we loved to explore on weekends, regardless of the season. I always packed leftover bread for Mattie to feed the ducks! An activity he loved, and I loved watching him interact with nature. These are memories I will never forget. 

Quote of the day: There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld

This morning, I was upstairs and about to get my dad out of bed, when I heard the doorbell ring. I stopped the process and went downstairs. I could see something wrapped in cellophane outside the door. I opened the door and waved and thanked the courier. 

My friend Carolyn surprised me with these goodies. One of the things she mentioned in her note to me was her acknowledgment of my "steady way" that I "show up." This meant a lot to me because given all I am juggling, it is sometimes hard to be the kind of friend I typically used to be. Honestly some days it is hard to remember the person I was prior to being weighed down by grief, trauma, divorce, and caregiving. 

My dad's nurse visited today and discharged him from her services, as all his pressure sores are now healed. That alone is another full time job. Though I haven't mentioned it.... my dad's hiccups are back! They started up again this week. Truly my mom and I may absolutely lose it. 

After dropping my dad off at his memory care program, I went grocery shopping. Seriously I walked in the door and was faced with balloons, flowers, and chocolate covered strawberries. I remember this from last year, so you would think I would have prepared myself for this sight today! NOPE, I completely blocked it out, until I walked in the door. What does every balloon and flower say to me...... you are divorced. After a 35 year relationship, you are alone, and frankly it is a reminder that the best years of my life are gone.

This afternoon, I received a phone call from my parents' doctor. He wanted to talk to me about my dad's blood test results. I saw all the results in the portal yesterday, so nothing he was telling me was all that surprising. Other than my dad's white blood cell count continues to remain high. The doctor seemed to think that this count was lower last year, but to my knowledge it has been high since his bout with kidney stones in 2024 (mind you he still has several kidney stones now). The doctor got me so worked up suggesting that my dad may have some sort of cancer, that I literally went back into the portal to pull up data and I sent it to the doctor. Though the doctor says that my dad's white blood cell count is too high for it to be explained by his kidney stones, I don't buy that! NOT ONE BIT. Either case, at 90 years old, we are not putting my dad through further testing, and though his sugar levels seems out of control, along with his cholesterol levels, we aren't introducing more medications to these problems. As every new medication has a way of causing ten other problems. 

While my mom was hearing this conversation, she later said to me that medicine is great at prolonging life, but not the quality of life. I stopped her, because from my dad's perspective, his quality of life is actually good. Here is a 90 year old who leaves the house daily, he is involved in activities, does physical therapy, goes out to eat, is surrounded by family, and is still mobile. Naturally, I have to acknowledge that the only reason his quality of life is so high is because of me. This is not an attagirl to Vicki, but the reality, as without my presence my dad would most definitely be in a nursing home, and would have no quality of life.