Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Next to Mattie was a his best preschool friend, Zachary. These boys were inseparable in preschool, and since they played together every day after school, I got to know Zachary quite well. He was a loyal and devoted friend and that day they built this Lego Star Wars kit in the hospital. It is quite meaningful that now, as Zachary is in his twenties, that I am working with him on a non-profit based class project. I have no doubt this would make Mattie smile to know that we are still connected!
Quote of the day: Aversion and anger almost always arise as a direct reaction to a threatening or painful situation. If they are not understood they grow into hatred. ~ Jack Kornfield
Last night, I went to my computer to look at files and photos and to my dismay, I couldn't find them. I can see my very organized file folders on the screen, but when I click on them, they are empty! For years, we used a shared drive in our home. So we could each have access to files and input things in one place. It made sense, but honestly unless you are computer savvy this method is a nightmare. It is a nightmare because something happened to the shared drive and I have lost material from 2016 to today! So ten years worth of photos and documents. We used to have an external drive that backed up these materials, but when I took it to Best Buy they said it was inoperable! So can you imagine how I feel about losing ten years worth of data? I have had every emotion in the last 24 hours from sheer hatred, anger, hostility and absolute disgust. I have lost so much in a short period of time, but to lose memories and documents is over the top. I stayed up to 2am, to at least back up everything related to Mattie Miracle. Thankfully all those files of 17 years are intact. It is my personal life, that is missing. I don't like being erased in reality or virtually.
I certainly have some photos on my phone and though these photos are backed up on the cloud, I can't seem to get them onto my computer. Literally I am ready to flip out, because I haven't had one peaceful day since my separation and now divorce. In between my dad's physical therapy sessions, countless bathroom accidents and taking my parents out for lunch, I have been glued to the computer in hopes to finding solutions.
While out at lunch, a song started playing in the diner. I literally only have to hear the first few notes of this song, and I instantly know it is Peter Cetera's, Glory of Love. Yes I am a Cetera fan, but I attach this song below from the Karate Kid movie series. Now why is this song/movie series a big deal? It is a big deal because in 1984, my parents moved me from New York to California. It was a very difficult move for me, to leave behind my school, family, friends, and everything I held dear. It was in the summer of 1984, that the first Karate Kid was in theaters and I saw it. I clung to that movie, because it was about a young kid who was also transplanted from NY to LA, and the challenges he faced along his journey. It may sound silly, but to an impressionable teenager, who felt misplaced, identifying with a movie character facing similar feelings helped me. It made me feel less alone. Over the course of my life, whenever I heard the song, Glory of Love, play on the radio, it was like a premonition..... that not something bad, but something good was about to happen. Whether this is true now or not, hearing this song today, temporarily made me smile. Maybe it is a sign, maybe I will find all my missing photos and documents, or maybe I will find moments within the future where I do not feel in total crisis, angry, confused, and overwhelmed. It is the hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment