Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2008. Though Mattie had a special birthday cake for his party with friends, I always bought the three of us an ice cream cake to have as a family. It was my family tradition growing up and I passed that along to Mattie. If you look closely at his cake, you will see the chocolate ice cream layer was cut out! I gave Mattie my vanilla layer and he gave me his chocolate! We were the perfect match for each other!
Quote of the day: The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. ~ Ernest Hemingway
This morning one of my dad's physical therapists came to work with him. My dad works with multiple therapists, but Tiffani seems to be the only one who can get my dad to walk. I don't mean a short walk. She gets him to walk up our block and back, which takes him about 25 minutes. I literally can't get my dad to walk 5 minutes, and neither can his other therapists. So it is very frustrating that Tiffani doesn't experience the same person as me! Walking is crucial for independence and I would love my dad to do a walking routine daily, but it is like pulling teeth.
Meanwhile, while juggling caregiving, multiple bathroom accidents and messes, I continue to process along with the mortgage assumption process. Seriously I had no idea how difficult this process was going to be. After all, I am the owner of the house and I am one of the borrower's on the mortgage. I am only trying to remove the other borrower! How hard can that be?!!! For some crazy reason I thought that was going to be easy! FORGET IT! Every aspect of this is challenging and the financial hits just keep on coming, as this process is amazingly expensive. Divorce is a very costly process, and that doesn't account for the immeasurable emotional consequences. Which frankly there are no words in the English language to do justice to how I am feeling.
Naturally I have a home owner's insurance policy! My name is on it and yet to remove the other name means that I need to cancel that policy and pay for an entirely new one. It is infuriating and while emailing back and forth the insurance agent today, I had to put down my phone. I was on overload and upset. I am upset because why buy this house to begin with, if the intention was to divorce me? I would have been happier in my apartment in Washington, DC without the numerous headaches I face on a daily basis! I can get so upset that I land up either talking to myself or screaming!
My parents are unable to help me. They also are unable to process anything I am saying to them! Which means I am captaining this ship ALONE. Where I once could show and get help on significant paperwork from my dad or my other half, I now face the reality of figuring out everything for myself. It is daunting, stressful, and the anxiety each day becomes layered. One on top of the other, and the other, and the other. In fact, if I get upset or seem frazzled this makes my mom so upset that she starts shaking in fright. So clearly, as I go through this mortgage process, I have to shield my parents from the daily stresses this causes. As you can imagine, they are very upset and devastated by my divorce and the never ending cascade of consequences.
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