Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2003. Mattie was a year old and it was his very first trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. This was a place we absolutely loved and we wanted to share it with Mattie. My former in-laws came with us on this trip and it was their first visit to this amazing barrier island. This was Mattie's first and last visit to the beach on that trip. The ocean scared him and Mattie did not like the feeling of the sand on his feet. Nonetheless, it is one of my favorite July 4th photos! Mattie's little hands and fingers were like radar scopes. They would take in information.... he would flail out his fingers, fan them around, and then bring them back into a fist position. Almost like an octopus using a tentacle to capture something and bring it back to the core!
Quote of the day: It was having everything I had counted on collapse so suddenly, forcing me to let go of the idea that I could control outcomes. It was the loss of my identity as a wife, my identity as part of a married couple. I had to get comfortable existing outside the norm, outside of what had once been my ideal. ~ Belle Burden
Holidays and milestones, make loss even more pronounced than it normally is each day! Today, I looked through many of our July 4th moments, and all I can say is..... how is this possible??? How am I divorced? We shared a lifetime together since age 19! Like with any trauma, my life has stopped from the movement of my separation, September 23, 2023, and I have yet to stabilize and find a way forward. I miss my life the way I used to be, or I should say the way I thought it was!
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