Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. That weekend we took Mattie in a rowboat on the Potomac River. That was a usual weekend occurrence for the boys in the Fall. But that day, I was invited to tag along. Mattie wanted to show me his fishing skills. As you can see, he caught a catfish. So I had him pose for a photo with the fish before throwing it back into the water. I have to admit, I wasn't a fishing fan, but if it interested Mattie, I learned that it interested me too.
Quote of the day: I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. ~ Robin Williams
My friend in England, sent me the YouTube video series (below) to watch. She sent it to me because she and I are now alone. Not by choice, the decision was made for us. It is a very difficult loss after being married for decades. After all our other halves haven't died, they are very much alive.... they are what psychologists sometimes call, "present-disappearing." In any case, my friend introduced me to this woman who does a series on being single. Single for various reasons..... choice, divorce, or death. I have to admit the term single sets me off, as it is one thing for you to elect to be single, but quite another if this isn't how you envisioned your life.
Since I became single, as my separation began on September 23, 2023, I had a sharp learning curve and major rude awakening. I had to learn everything from finances to house maintenance. The video below is about 15 minutes, and she lists 9 habits that flourish when you are single. I have to admit, I only got through maybe the first four or five. Not because I think what she is saying is incorrect, I stopped because I can only handle snippets of this reality. However, what I did listen to, resonated with me. Now that said, do I think you need to be single to have these characteristics and traits? NO! It is like saying I am a strong and courageous woman because I survived Mattie's cancer and death. I would like to think we can become strong and courageous without having such traumatic experiences.
In the video, she mentions that being single means there are NO back ups, no one to do chores, no help with tasks, and no one to share and witness your good or difficult days. Instead, we have to prepare for problems and be resourceful. In fact, she says these habits that we develop turn into our super powers. Which made me laugh. Because we lost a significant other, we have to learn the art of self soothing, to achieve emotional stability. I never thought about it, but my afternoon tea (while doing chores), gardening, going on the treadmill, and even watching Hallmark movies are all consistent ways I self sooth. She says self sooth, I say..... my therapy.
But what she said about support systems, was key. When I was married, my main support system was my other half. Not having this now, means I have to build connections everywhere else. The people I know at the frozen yogurt store, at Starbuck's, and the restaurants we go to...... she would consider them a part of my network. Building a community network, she would say, shows my resourcefulness. Her specific line is "loneliness is solved by familiarity, being known, human warmth threaded to other humans."
I certainly can absorb parts of this messaging, but given that I don't enjoy, value, or appreciate being single, it is harder to accept that this is me. I have been forced to take on roles, responsibilities, and a new future which I don't celebrate or find awesome, revolutionary, and rewarding. I share the video below, because if you are like me, navigating your life alone, some of what you hear may resonate with you.
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