Thursday, February 19, 2015

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2009. This was the classic cupcake monster at work! Mattie was stuffing a mini cupcake in his mouth. I used cupcakes as incentives for him to comply with physical therapy. If he tried a task or took a few steps, that earned him a cupcake! I rarely got home, but when I did in between treatments, out came the baking tins. 

We honestly were never home long because as soon as we got home Mattie typically developed a fever and got sick due to his low white blood counts, which is a typical side effect of high dosage chemotherapy. The problem with developing an infection as a cancer patient, besides not having the immunity to fight it off, is that you typically can't receive more chemotherapy when symptomatic with a fever. If you can't receive chemotherapy, then you can't fight off the cancer. So it is a vicious cycle..... you need the chemotherapy, but the chemotherapy is bound to make you sick with low blood counts. Yet the trick is how to manage the infection and get the patient back to having a normal blood count again in order to receive more toxic chemo, just to make the patient sick again, etc....!  


Quote of the day: And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Today has been a long work day for me. So I did not feel much like writing. However, interestingly enough I have found a wonderful file on my computer filled with little videos of Mattie. I have begun to watch them. Some days I can do this, and some days I can't. Today I found a precious clip taken on November 7, 2007. I captured this video of Mattie after he came home one day from kindergarten. He had cut out a heart in class with his teacher, Ms. Williams. You can hear him talking about it, what it means to him and who it is for! Frankly I must admit that I did not remember this moment in time at all. So thankfully I captured it, because it is darling and it speaks to Mattie's closeness to me. He and I had a very tight bond. We were very much alike in many ways emotionally and seeing this interchange reignited that memory in me tonight. Not that I did not know this, but without feedback from a little one to remind me it can be hard to sometimes believe it and accept it as reality now. The video was that confirmation.