Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2006. I remember snapping this photo of my boys. I got them matching t-shirts from Mattie's preschool and I thought it would look adorable if they went to the school's picnic dressed alike.
Quote of the day: We are threatened with suffering from three directions: from our body, which is doomed to decay..., from the external world which may rage against us with overwhelming and merciless force of destruction, and finally from our relations with other men... This last source is perhaps more painful to us than any other. ~ Sigmund Freud
Hi everyone, it is Peter again guest blogging.... and my blog is about Freud's quote, so go back up and read it again before reading below....
I appreciate all the supportive notes I received from the last posting I did. To be honest, I set out with absolutely no idea about what to write. And then I read the quote Vicki had prepared, and out it all came. It taught me something about myself in the process of writing. Call it an unintended consequence of processing something subconsciously and not knowing that you are doing so, until something is triggered and boom...
Tonight's quote resonates with me, albeit it a little too scientific for my tastes, but let me see what I can do to soften it. I believe we have become overly reliant on science, which has been developed as a defense mechanism to help explain or think that we have control over much in life (not really that true). In reading Freud's quote again, I do remind readers that all three sources he lists are all different types of "suffering", which is tonight's focus.
Living through Mattie's battle and being witness to the incredible physical suffering and pain, was truly unbearable. Whether it was the surgeries involving the physical removal of his bones that left him disabled and unable to perform basic functions of living, or the endless myriad of chemotherapies that pumped toxic poisons into his body that indiscriminately killed any and every cell, be them bad or good... we did it all because science had told us that this was our only choice. And through all of this, through all of this suffering, we were dealing with the first two sources in Freud's list quoted above: the physical, and the harm our world (in this case science) does to us.
But rarely (in most cases never) did we ever, focus on the suffering, be it intended or unintended, that comes from our relationships with each other (i.e. between human beings).
Sure, we tried to address (thanks to Vicki's god given mental health talent) Mattie's Medical PTSD, Anxiety and other mental health issues. But keep in mind that theses conditions were the result of a reaction to what had been physically done to Mattie. Also, at no time, was any effort made to address the suffering that Vicki and I received. We, like other parents, were never part of the equation or even a consideration.
To fast forward, Mattie dies, and an hour or two after his body was wheeled down to the morgue, Vicki and I had to pack up all our things and Mattie's... his toys, his LEGOs, his clothing.... and leave to "go home". Want to talk about the suffering from other human beings?! It was truly a moment in time that will be permanent etched into the trauma fabric of both Vicki's and my own life forever.
So this is why we created the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation, and this is why Vicki works seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, to define, develop and to provide that body of psychosocial support evidence and best practices.
We want to be sure that after the chemotherapy has been administered, and the surgeries performed, and for the survivors and their families, and for the 1 in 5 parents whose child dies, there is a Standard of Psychosocial Care and Support present to help address the suffering.
It is what drives us from deep down inside having walked that path and experienced the suffering, back then and as we do today. Remember, that suffering will never be eliminated or avoided.... Freud was right about that... but it can be diminished and lessened.
No comments:
Post a Comment