Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2008. I happen to love this photo and I can remember taking it. Mattie came home from school and we went outside into our commons area to fly his kite. It was in this space that Mattie learned to walk, ride a bike, fly a kite, and even drive his ride-on vehicle, Speedy Red. I will always remember this space fondly .
Quote of the day: Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work though difficult problems. ~ Gever Tulley
This afternoon, we had a meeting with the executive director of Insight Memory Care Center. She is lovely and handled my dad very well. She asked him and us lots of questions and she gave us a tour of the facility. My number one observation was that all the patients there were pretty much in their own worlds. I saw very little interaction with each other. It just reinforces what I am feeling and experiencing with my dad. Basically the disease leaves you with a shell of a person.
One observation I had was that this director understood my dad's level of cognitive decline MUCH better than his own physical and occupational therapists, as well as all the people we met in his two week hospital stay. In the hospital they classified him as having mild stage dementia. Whereas at Insight, she could see within minutes what I do and that is he has moderate dementia, which is rapidly spinning its way into late stage dementia. A person can have early dementia for 2-4 years, and moderate dementia for up to 10 years, before moving to the later stages which then requires constant support and help eating. I diagnosed my dad with dementia in 2015. His doctor finally caught on in 2019, after a lot of prodding. So in all reality, this has been a 7 year journey so far.
After our tour of Insight, I took my parents out to lunch. At lunch, my dad was basically sitting at the table, sleeping. When his food came, he landed up chewing the meat and then spitting out each and every piece. This bothered my mom, who still can't process that many of the observations we make are dementia related. In any case, living with this situation around the clock is stressful and deeply depressing.
While at lunch, my dad started moaning in pain. He said his left hand was bothering him and it was cramping. The pain was significant enough that I decided to call his cardiologist. When the doctor called back, he said I should take my dad to the ER.
My mom and I were talking to each other in the ER room and my dad piped up saying that he doesn't know what we want from him. That clearly he is a burden and that we would prefer he die. I dealt with that head on, because that was his interpretation, not the reality. I explained to my dad that we want what is best for him and we are desperate to find the necessary stimulation he needs to engage his mind and give him a better quality of life. He listened. But because he has no memory or understanding of things, this impacts everything in his life.... because he can no longer participate in conversation, watch TV, read a book, and the list goes on.
I am tired and not feeling well, with no end in sight. What I do know is that I am filling out the Insight Memory Care application and we will go through the intake next week, with the hopes that this program can offer my dad an outlet that we are unable to provide.
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