Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2006. Mattie was three and half years old and was riding on Peter's toy duck. Peter had this toy when he was a child, and Peter's mom handed it down to us. To this day, this duck sits in my office and it reminds me of this moment in time. Honestly it is hard to believe that two years after this photo was taken, Mattie was diagnosed with cancer.
Quote of the day: The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in prison, its vital force and ”mangled mind” leaking away in lonely, wasteful self-conflict. ~ Elizabeth Drew
My dad's fitness trainer came over today. In fact, Teddy works with my dad twice a week. Teddy is wonderful, has a great personality, full of energy, and is very positive. Honestly I think he makes exercising look fun, if you can believe it. It takes a lot of coaxing to get my dad up and participating in body movement. I know my limitations, which is why I am thrilled we hired Teddy. My dad responds better to outsiders when it comes to physical requests. But Teddy does work my dad very hard. So hard that usually my dad is luggage for the rest of the day. Teddy explained that developing a new exercise routine can be very tiring for the first couple of weeks, until the body gets used to it. Therefore, we are in this low energy state into the near future. Of course in the middle of the fitness session, my dad needed to use the bathroom, and just like yesterday, he flooded the floor with urine. This is practically a daily occurrence, which means that I am cleaning more intensely than ever. I love when my dad argues with me and says that there isn't urine all over the floor. Now when he says this, I put paper towels all over the floor, so he can actually see what I do! I also do this to capture the fluid, so he isn't stepping in it and dragging it throughout the house.
After Teddy left, Peter and I went outside and walked Sunny for a while. I needed to get out of the house, away from demands and tasks. However, I could tell my mom wasn't happy about my leaving the house. She was ready to go out, and was ticked off that I wasn't addressing her needs. I notice that she can no longer self-entertain, therefore is constantly looking to me to do things and to take her out. My dad is a full time project, but when I add my mom to the mix, some days I want to just scream.
My mom doesn't like when I am on my phone, answering messages, and certainly doesn't like when I go out with a friend. Which is why I DON'T! I have no social life and it is a result of two things, intense caregiving, and my mom's attitude and negativity.
Later this afternoon, I took my parents out to eat. We helped my dad to the car, and as he was beginning to walk down the garage stairs to get to the car, he tilted backwards. Fortunately Peter caught him. My dad's feet weren't moving, but his body swayed back! I have to keep an eye on this because this maybe a trend. A week or so ago, he had a swollen and painful hand. Which sent us to the doctor and for x-rays and a sonogram. Turns out his hand was fine, but I suspect he hit his hand while falling in some way at night while going to the bathroom. I can't watch him 24/7, and I have yet to understand how he injured his hand. After seeing what transpired today, I feel like I have a better understanding for what caused the hand injury.
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