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Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2004. Mattie was two years old and the funny part about all of this was Mattie preferred time around the pool rather than walking the beach. With time that changed, as Mattie came to LOVE sand and playing in it. The many antics of Mattie, as he kept me busy, always on my toes, facing one adventure after the other.
Quote of the day: There are no limits, there are only plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. ~ Bruce Lee
My mom and I went out to lunch today with a young woman who is raising funds for Mattie Miracle in September by entering in a boxing match for charity. I have never met this woman before, she knows a friend of mine, who told her about Mattie Miracle.
I am very honored that Jen is raising money for us and I got to learn a little more about her today, as her mom is a cancer survivor and she lost her grandfather to cancer when she was a child. I think it is very special that she works at the hospital that Mattie was treated at and of course to me, a piece of Mattie will always be at that medical center.
I had the opportunity to share our work with Jen today over lunch and of course described aspects of our life, living in the hospital, and the horrors of cancer. It is all those experiences that drive our commitment to Mattie Miracle's psychosocial mission.
Living in a hospital for over a year is a very life altering process. I will never forget the first time I walked off the elevator and onto the pediatric inpatient units. I was absolutely horrified as the walls were painted swimming pool blue and the ceiling tiles seemed to make me feel claustrophobic. I literally wanted to turn right around and leave. But it is amazing how over time, I tuned out the aesthetics and focused solely on Mattie's care and the wonderful healthcare providers who surrounded us. I went from hating my environment to looking at it like my second home. I was sharing with Jen that in the pediatric unit we were in, rooms shared showers. That is right, the neighboring room and us, shared a shower. I frankly don't know how I managed that daily for over a year, but there was no way I can start a long day without a shower, so again, it was another thing I got used to. It was one big adjustment after the other, and what this showed me is the human body and mind can endure a great deal of stress. Of course what I also learned is that this stress has long term consequences on one's physical and mental health.
Now once again, I am facing huge stresses in every aspect of my life. Some days, I would like to get in the car and drive away. Not for a day or two, but for good. The feelings of anxiety and wanting to escape have once again become a part of my life (a similar feeling came over me when Mattie died). Of course, some how I manage these feelings, regroup, and continue my daily tasks. But I mention this because it would be impossible to cope with what I am dealing without being overwhelmed periodically. Thankfully I always have Mattie's blog, and like it was in 2008-2009, it remains an outlet for me to express my journey and keep me connected to Mattie.
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