Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2007. Mattie was five years old and that day he was invited to his friend, Kate's birthday party. Mattie was one of two boys at the party. That did not seem to bother him at all! It was his first time at a gymnastic party and he enjoyed interacting with the teachers, running around, and playing with his preschool friends.
Quote of the day: Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient. ~ Steve Maraboli
It was another winner of a day here. On top of the usual juggling act, I had Blanca over to help me clean. Blanca has been with us since 2008, when Mattie was diagnosed. I was introduced to her by my neighbor in Washington, DC. He knew that I did not have time to clean and maintain the townhouse while I was caring around the clock for Mattie. So he sent Blanca to our townhouse one day and he paid for it. From that moment on, Blanca has been a part of our lives.
While Blanca was here, my dad was sleeping in his recliner and I had my mom stay in my bedroom. That way she could lie down in bed and also watch TV, as she refuses to have a TV in her own bedroom. Any case, while they were lying down, I was doing all sorts of chores. In the midst of going about my business, Blanca came up to me as asked me if everything was okay. She felt I looked off and very sad. I was actually surprised by this, as I don't confide anything to her.
I told her I was just very tired. I did not elaborate on it, but honestly I am thinking who on earth wouldn't be sad given what I am facing and balancing? It is a sad commentary on top of the fact that I already dealt with the most horrific form of caregiving..... providing care to a child with cancer, who also died. Some days I want to just go right back to bed and let everyone else around me figure it out. In my house it is very easy to feel under valued and unappreciated.
The perfect storm here is when my mom and dad both want my attention and have needs that must be met at the same time. Neither help the other, and both think their own needs supersede the other. Tomorrow is my mom's physical therapy evaluation. I have no idea what the outcome will be, but will have to deal with the consequences one way or the other.
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