Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007. Mattie was five years old and we were having lunch outside on our deck. It was a small space, but as I always used to say.... it was my secret garden. I was on this deck during all seasons with Mattie. What I love about this photo is the simple fact that you can see we looked exactly alike! Not only did we look alike, but we had a very similar personality and way of looking at the world. How I wish Mattie were alive now, his presence would make my current existence and future far more manageable.
Quote of the day: You don’t love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear. ~ Oscar Wilde
I think home ownership is for some people. For me it has been one nightmare after the other, after the other. Perhaps if you are sharing the burden with someone, it isn't so bad, but for me, I am managing everything. On top of intense caregiving.
I wake up each morning and I say to myself.... perhaps today will be a better day! Perhaps I won't get inundated with surprises, crises, or you name it! I haven't had such a day like this in a long time. It is painful and stressful to live under this much angst, and yet I do! When the linen closet door ball catch came flying out of the closet door this morning, I was just about to loose it! Needless to say, I got up on a ladder, diagnosed the problem, ordered the part, and will see if I can fix it on my own. Truthfully by the time I am done, I may just become a jack of all trades.
My dad's physical therapist came for a session today. While she was working with him, I got several chores done, and began the Foundation's May newsletter. Amazing how productive I could be with an hour. This afternoon, I took my parents out to Starbucks. Truthfully this is about as much as my mind, heart, and spirit can handle. I know most of the people who work at our local store. They are lovely individuals. So much so that when I ordered today, the woman behind the counter said.... Victoria, you have your dad with you, don't forget to order his iced tea! I am thankful for the help and support. Because I am at Starbucks many days during the week, I have gotten to know all the regulars. There is an older woman who is there as often as we are. She is always alone. If I wasn't juggling a circus show, I would have her join us. When I look at her, all I can think of is.... THERE WILL BE ME! I will be just like her, alone, and journeying to Starbucks for my weekly outings. Watching her is very humbling to me, and most likely a year ago, I wouldn't have the same perspective as I do now. But now I look at her and wonder.... why is she alone? What is her story? What I do admire however, is her ability to go out, to want to engage with the world, and be a vibrant part of our society.
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