Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. It was Mattie's second Christmas with us and that year we celebrated it with my parents in Los Angeles. My mom set up this cute little tree for Mattie in the kitchen, as we spent a lot of time in this space. I am not sure what Mattie loved more... unwrapping the presents or what the presents actually were! He loved paper flying and the whole process and of course if you look closely Mattie's sippy cup of milk was right beside him. It was like his security blanket! When I look at the ornaments on this tree, I am saddened that my mom did not keep them. I grew up with many of these ornaments and I remember decorating countless Christmas trees with my maternal grandmother. In fact, do you see that red bird on top of the tree.... it belonged to my grandmother. It was her tradition to put a bird at the top of the tree. Ironically when I look at my own tree this year, don't you know it.... I too have a red cardinal at the top of the tree. I just do it instinctively, it wasn't a conscious decision. It is a sign that my grandmother is with me!
Quote of the day: Missing you is flashes of our past and fantasies of our future with the hard irony of the absence of our present as present occurs. ~ Zhi
I am trying to slow down the process in the morning because my mom is exhausted. We got to the hospital around 1pm, and when I walked into the room, my dad just had an enormous bowel movement. Given his size and his inability to move, he is forced to go right in bed. Not the most comfortable of situations. I quickly met his nurse, and I dropped everything to help her because my dad is definitely a two person job when in bed. At first I think she wanted me and my mom to wait outside, but there is nothing she is going to be doing that I can't handle. Which she quickly learned. Moving my dad side to side in bed is no easy feat, but we got the job done and I also helped her remake the bed with him in it. I then asked her about the plan to get him out of bed. Like yesterday's nurse, she told me she had a few things to do but would be back to help. Don't you know it, 3:30pm rolled around and my dad was still in bed. After 2.5 hours of waiting, I lost my patience, and pushed the call button.
The nurse did come in and she brought a tech. Then all three of us worked with my dad to try to get him out of bed. I can definitely get him upright, legs over the bed, and feet on the floor. It is the standing part that is still a problem. Of course he was moaning in pain, and for the most part they wanted to stop the process. I literally said, NO! My dad needs to be pushed, because he has spent five days in bed, this isn't good for his muscle pains and most definitely will not help his stiffness. If they don't get him moving soon, he literally won't physically and cognitively BE ABLE TO MOVE! Any case, they complied with my request, and we got my dad standing for several minutes and he even walked a few steps sideways. To me all of this is crucial, because they have to document progress in order for my dad to be able to get into the hospital's rehab. I have no idea how he would show progress if they never moved him.
After this standing routine, the nurse insisted on getting him back in bed, as her comfort level with him was low. What she did say to me is that if I wasn't present, they never would have moved him. This is where the family caregiver is vital. Because they do not have the daily history with my dad like I do. I know his signs, symptoms, and expressions and I know better than they do what he can and can't do. But overall, I am disgusted with our healthcare system, especially as it addresses the chronic needs of older adults. Every older adults who is hospitalized should have access DAILY to a physical therapist. A quick visit from a physical therapist every THREE DAYS is ridiculous. Might as well not have a therapist at all. Older adults need more support and being quarantined in bed is not good for one's physical, psychological or cognitive recovery. Because the physical therapist who visited with my dad yesterday (not in my presence) deemed him incapable of getting out of bed, this basically dictates to the nursing staff not to move my dad, because it's not safe.
I get it from a liability stand point, but at some point the system has to move past their legal worries and do what is in the best interest of the patient. I do not care what level of mobility a patient has, some form of movement should be required daily for a hospitalized patient and provided by a trained therapist. As it is nurses are over worked and they can't be expected to take on this role, and in many cases, most of them do not feel well trained to manage a heavy patient like my dad. What is equally frustrating is that tomorrow is Friday. I have NO IDEA what the care plan is and given the fragile nature of this mix, I do not do well without a plan. What I do know is NOTHING of substance happens in a hospital on the weekends, so the options I can see is either my dad remains in his current room, or he gets transferred to the hospital's rehab or worse that they want to discharge him. I do not know what lies ahead and this is a scary place to be.
After a full day in the hospital, I then come home and manage the house, bills, mail, laundry, Indie, and everything else. It is too too much. Given that it is December, the Hallmark channel shows back to back Christmas movies. I had this channel playing in my dad's room. This evening while listening to a movie in the background, I heard the male character telling the female character that he broke up with his previous girlfriend. He explained that he had an important presentation to give, he was dressed in a suit, anxious about the presentation and it was raining. He suggested to his girlfriend who was in the taxi with him, that he wanted to the taxi to drop them off so he could easily jump out and not get wet to look presentable at the conference. She did not like that suggestion and felt that he should have been more concerned about her than his own appearance. Any case, the female character he was telling this story to basically said, a true partner should want to walk in the rain with you. It was the way she said this that resonated with me. She is 100% correct, someone who loves you is there not just in the good times, but when it rains, pours, and when challenges and crises arise. True love doesn't walk away.
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