Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. We were visiting my parents for Christmas and Mattie was doing one of the things he loved best... playing with water! For my parents, Mattie was quite a different experience from raising me. Though emotionally Mattie and I were practically the same, we differed greatly in terms of our physical activity. While I could entertain myself, sit still, people watch, and be very compliant, Mattie was a live wire, highly active, and had a mind of his own! Mattie pushed all of us and through the process, he enriched our lives beyond measure.
Quote of the day: Missing you is my hobby, caring for you is my job, making you happy is my duty, and loving you is my life. ~ Unknown
I arrived at the hospital today at noon. I did not leave until 8pm. It was a very full day! My dad was more alert today, but still bed bound. I wasn't having any of it! TRULY I went ballistic! Don't you know that the physical therapist came in and evaluated my dad when I wasn't there! Of course she sees his mental state, his pain, the fact he can't move, and therefore her recommendation was.... that my dad should be discharged to a skilled nursing facility. Translation... a nursing home for rehab. I have been to many nursing homes in my life and I have yet to find one I like. Even the best nursing homes have problems! I want to avoid these facilities at all costs for both of my parents. My mom placed my grandmother in a nursing home in 1992, after my grandmother's stroke, and I will never forget my reaction to this and I was in my 20s! I literally had a meltdown and almost flipped out on the director of the facility. Going into these facilities is a sensory nightmare for me.
The problem with the physical therapist's pronouncement today is that she truly will influence my dad's next steps. Her recommendation is valid for three days and therefore, if the hospital wants to discharge my dad in the next three days, they will be following her recommendation. So clearly you see we have a problem! In addition to learning her recommendation, my dad was assigned a nurse named Angel! This woman does NOT live up to her name in any capacity. I have had the unfortunate opportunity to work with her during one of my dad's previous admissions, and I found her so difficult that I wrote a formal complaint about her to her supervisor. Lucky me, she was assigned to us again today and when I tell you we are like oil and water, I am not kidding. I am not saying she isn't competent, she is, but her personality is harsh and she has NO appreciation for the family caregiver. Doesn't care what I say or my insights.
Any case, Angel said that she would help me get my dad out of bed after she had lunch. Keep in mind my dad hasn't been out of bed since SATURDAY! He is 90, so being bed bound for a few days, is equivalent to us being bed bound for weeks! I was fine waiting for her, but then 3:30pm rolled around and she was no where to be found. At which point, I rang the call button and told the person who answered that I was going to move my dad to the edge of the bed. That I wanted him moving and wasn't waiting any longer! They approved me to do this, and they thought I was going to get nowhere. Wrong! I got him sitting up, his feet over the bed and touching the floor! If I can do this, and I weight 108 pounds and he weights 200, then for goodness sakes.... a whole team should be able to do this! I naturally wanted him to get on his feet and pivot to the reclining chair in the room, but I was smart enough NOT to take that on alone. So again I rang the call button and this time Angel came in! She was furious with me and said she was helping another patient. I get it, but where was she the last three hours?? NOT HAVING LUNCH ALL THAT TIME!
This whole interaction set me OFF! I grabbed my purse and told my mom I was going for a walk. I literally left the unit and went down to the first floor of the hospital, heard the pianist playing, and eventually went to the cafeteria to get salads for me and my mom. When I regrouped I went back upstairs. But some times this feeling of being distraught comes over me! Like a wave. As of this month, I have been caregiving 24/7 for FOUR YEARS straight without a break. If that wasn't bad enough, I also faced an awful divorce. After 35 years together. The divorce and the circumstances around it would be enough to set anyone over the edge, but add to it caregiving and countless other issues.... it becomes the perfect storm.
When I returned to the room, I set my mom up to eat, and found my dad had been lifted into the reclining chair while I was gone. He was moaning in pain. I told him to take deep breaths as his muscles are sore and frozen. I massaged his back and then took out my trusty heating pad (I go no where without it), and I placed it safely behind material and then onto his back. I would say within ten minutes, the heat began to calm him down. The more he sat on the heat, the more his tense and clenched face, arms and body were at peace.
Eventually Angel blessed me with her presence again and this time I interrogated her about the medical plan. I wanted to know what they are saying about discharge. Of course she never gives me a straight answer, but she admitted that my dad's rehab doctor is involved and he is advocating for my dad to go to his rehab unit at the hospital (do note that this rehab doctor and my dad's cardiologist saw my dad ambulating less than a week ago when he went for his regular check ups). However, my dad has to show some sort of progress to get there. I am very grateful to my dad's cardiology team who wrote orders for more diuretics and electrolytes today. This medically buys us more time, in hopes that I can get my dad up on his feet. I am at a loss because there is so much I can do, the rest is up to my dad, and unfortunately no matter how much coaching I give him, he can't comprehend the importance of giving it his all to get up on his feet and show progress.
While juggling all of this, my mom got one of her massive nose bleeds tonight in the hospital. So I was packing her nose, running and getting ice for the bridge of her nose and getting her to lie on the couch in the room and relax. She was frightened and shaking like a leaf. DEAR GOD, I am ready to have a meltdown.
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