Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. Mattie was four years old. As you can see we were outside on our deck. I can't tell you how much time we spent out there in ALL seasons. I look back at this photo and see a much happier and energized woman. A mom who thought I would have a lifetime to watch Mattie develop and evolve into a man.
Quote of the day: I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong… I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. ~ Audrey Hepburn
I am a big Audrey Hepburn fan. She was a survivor, humanitarian, and an incredibly talented actress. I too would like to believe that there are miracles out there. Maybe they aren't big things, but instead the small and meaningful miracles that occur all around us each day. In some small way, maybe they could be the kind and loving people in our lives, or a clear scan in a medical test, or even perhaps a house repair that you thought was going to be astronomical, turns out to be manageable. I don't know but given how low I was last night, there are times I cling to the notion of miracles and signs of hope.
Today was another blur. My dad's nurse came over to assess his pressure sores. Apparently I get an A, as my bandaging and wound care are working. I then dropped my dad off at his memory care center and proceeded on to do countless chores, including grocery shopping. While at the store, I needed to reach over to the display area to get tomatoes. However, a woman's shopping cart was in my way, and she was no where to be found. So I literally moved the back end of the cart about an inch, so I could reach for the tomatoes. Out of no where, she showed up, and proceeded to shake her head and call me a b*tch. In the mood I was in, I literally could have screamed my head off, but I did not. I remained calm, told her I was sorry that I had to move her cart an inch and then walked away. Do you know moments later from across the produce area, she smiled and waved at me? SERIOUSLY I can't make this stuff up!
While driving home from the grocery store, Verizon called me. Recap, I have been locked out of my portal and couldn't access my account. I have been trying to correct this problem all week. The woman on the other end of the line wanted to walk me through how to correct the problem, but I was driving. So she said I had two options. The first was she could send me the instructions on how to re-register or she could call me back. I elected for a call back, because something told me the problem was much harder to correct than the simple instructions that would be emailed to me. THANK GOODNESS I elected for option two. She and I were on the phone for thirty minutes, and thanks to her accessing the camera on my phone, she was able to see exactly what I was seeing while trying to sign in! Any case, we worked it out together and I was grateful for the support. Today's miracle!
During the afternoon, in my news feed came this article: Psychology says the most resilient people aren’t the ones who bounce back fast or stay positive through everything, they’re the ones who let themselves fall apart quietly on a Tuesday evening and still show up Wednesday morning without making anyone else carry it. This article resonated with me. It was almost like I was supposed to read this today, because I agree, resilience isn't about keeping quiet, bottling up emotions, and remaining stoic. Instead, it is about giving voice to feelings and thoughts, and normalizing them, especially for those of us going through grief, crises, and trauma. I think the fact that I haven't curled up in a ball or jumped off the roof, is a sign of resilience. Resilience is about acknowledging, processing, reflecting and SHOWING UP! Again, I am so grateful for Mattie's blog, those of you who read my words, and for your compassion for understanding what I am facing. The blog illustrates the days when I am falling apart. You can probably tell in my writings or lack there of, after all, I don't have the time or freedom to have a pity party or a meltdown. I need an outlet somewhere and the blog is it!
Meanwhile, when I got home later this afternoon, I had house chores to do such as flushing out the sump pump. While dealing with that, I looked at the water level in the pool. Don't you know it, it went down almost three inches. I immediately contacted the pool company and I had two people working on the pool for two hours. I will be tracking the water level all weekend long, but I swear I need a miracle. I truly can't handle one more problem, I have reached my boiling point.
No comments:
Post a Comment