Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2007. I will never forget this moment in time. Mattie was five years old and we took him to Luray Caverns. My first trip to a cavern was when I was in college in upstate NY. I went with my other half. It was such a fascinating experience, that I wanted Mattie to try it! Mattie did quite well in the Cavern, but did get scared when they played the Great Stalacpipe Organ. The sound was overwhelming for Mattie. Frankly I couldn't have handled this experience at Mattie's age, but he was far more into exploration and adventure than me!
Quote of the day: Don't be afraid of being scared. To be afraid is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything. ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafón
This morning after dropping my dad off at his memory care center, I drove back home to pick up my mom and took her to her six month pulmonology appointment. My mom sees this doctor every six months to evaluate her lung condition. To make her appointment at 11am, required a lot of juggling and running around on my part. But I did get her there on time. Clearly, something was going on with the office today, because they had us waiting for an hour! That did not sit well with me. As I told the office staff, they wouldn't honor our appointment if we showed up an hour late, so why should I be okay with them having me wait an hour!? I was so livid by the office staff's reaction to my complaint that I spoke to the office manager. She got my issue right away! Thankfully my mom is currently stable.
Today, while returning Foundation emails, I received an email from a friend who I met during Mattie's cancer journey. She shared with me that her husband unexpectedly died. I was stunned to hear this as her husband was a love. My natural reaction to hearing this news was to reach out to my other half. We knew this person and his entire family, and sometimes sharing feelings and thoughts about a loss with someone helps wrap your head around the tragedy. I can't tell you how often I stop my myself from contacting my other half! It takes great discipline not to reach out, especially since he was my world for 35 years. The person I would turn to in good times and in bad. The person I trusted would always be there for me.
Which brings me to tonight's quote. It focuses on fear. Sometimes I wonder why am I so scared? Why do I have fear about being alone and facing a future alone? But as tonight's quote points out fear is understandable, it makes perfect sense given the loss I am facing. When I truly look at my situation, I could go absolutely crazy, as I can't believe this is now my life. I never saw this coming and would never have guessed I would be divorced. But being divorced after a 35 year long relationship and commitment is daunting, scary, frightening, and disorienting. When I have a free moment (which isn't often) to reflect on what has happened to me, I get overwhelmed, feel directionless, and I can't envision any sort of future. I do not say this lightly, I say this with great honesty as this feeling is terribly sobering.
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