Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2005. Mattie was three years old and that day we took him to the DC Aquatic Gardens. This was a place I absolutely LOVED to visit. I wouldn't drive to this location on my own, but once in the park, you wouldn't know you were in the middle of the city. The bird traffic and beautiful lotus flowers will forever be in my mind. Mattie loved the whole adventure. We never got tired of it, because with the season, things changed and evolved, and there was always something to see. Beavers too!
Quote of the day: I want to caution you against the idea that balance has to be a routine that looks the same week in and week out. ~ Kevin Thoman
Though I appreciate tonight's quote, I would have to say there is a lot of comfort and control with routine. Would I love not doing the same thing everyday? Certainly! I can tell you the day of the week just by what I am doing! I am that regulated and regimented. Whenever, something arises that breaks the routine, it makes me stressed out. The human spirit likes spontaneity to some extent, but unfortunately given my caregiving role and being the sole adult on duty in my house.... freedom and flexibility are gone. I could get upset by this, and perhaps I did in the beginning of my journey in 2021. Now I have come to just accept it and frankly if I am able to do the routine, that means NO ONE IS SICK or in the hospital. So for me routine is a good thing.
Just like I have a routine, so does my cat, Indie. She typically sleeps on my bed all night, but then awakes any where between 3-5am and wants me to open the door of my room for her to go out. I let her out and then I go back to sleep. By 6:30am, if I am not up, Indie is throwing her body against my bedroom door. She wants me up and to be fed! This morning, I wasn't moving fast enough for her. Do you want to know what she did? She went downstairs to Mattie's piano, jumped on the keys and was walking up and down the keyboard. I literally was ready to scream! Keep in mind that Indie wasn't bonded with me, she loved my other half. Since my separation, Indie and I have had to find our way in the world and with each other. It is a process for sure as cats are so different from dogs.
Each day I am on pins and needles awaiting the next shoe to drop. As I am trying to go to a mortgage assumption, I feel like I am facing a death sentence. Afraid of next steps, afraid of closing costs, and of course if it were just me, that would be bad enough, but I have two 90-year-olds in tow. Any changes are impossible for them, and I carry that weight with me daily. Today, the pool company let me know that something else is broken! This pool is the bane of my existence and just when I think I have corrected one big problem, others arise. When all these things happen, I get mad that I am facing all of this alone. I got married at age 24 because I I thought I found my other half, the person I thought would be with me always, in good times and bad, in sickness and health... so much for death do us part.
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