Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2003. Mattie was a year old and it was my first summer trip with him to Los Angeles to visit my parents. That summer started a tradition. As I visited every August, until Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. Through Mattie we all had a second childhood. This photo was taken at the LA Zoo (by one of the hands on fish tanks), which was minutes from my parent's house. Here's the irony of this..... I went to high school in California and most of the things we did with Mattie, I never did before. So I got to see the Zoo, visit Travel Town (amazing antique trains), and explore Griffith Park and ride on the Denzel carousel. I will never forget these visits or my time in California.
Quote of the day: A divorce is like an amputation. You survive it. But there's less of you. ~ Margaret Atwood
This morning I was juggling trying to get my dad ready and my mom ready for her physical therapy session at the same time. It is moments like these when I keep reminding myself.... I am ONE person doing the job of five. Mind you I did not sign up to do this alone, so the fact that I am produces a whole range of emotions. But at the end of the day, anyone who knows me knows I take my responsibilities seriously and therefore my mission right now is caring for my parents the best way I know how.
My mom's physical therapist is aware of her balance issues. As her daughter and caregiver I walk a fine line between being hopeful and being realistic. At the end of the day, I expressed to my mom and the therapist today that my number one priority is my mom's safety. So though she pushes back on me on things like driving (which she hasn't done in years!), I made it clear that some things are not negotiable. Today, I think she understood what I was saying, when I told her.... okay, so let us say you drive somewhere alone, then what? Are you going to get out of the car and walk without assistance? With that she got it immediately! Because the answer is NO!
When I was still married, my mom decided she wanted to drive to our local mall. She got LOST! Very lost! So much so that my other half was on the phone with her directing her back home. But here's the thing, I get my parents out of the house daily! Regardless of the season. It is a feat, but I think it benefits their quality of life. To which the therapist told my mom..... most 90 year old's do not get out of the house each day and that she is lucky to have such a devoted daughter.
I spent a good portion of the day booking doctor appointments, scans for my dad and me, fighting medical bills, and then arranged for my dad's blood work tomorrow. Instead of just walking into the hospital tomorrow for blood work, I decided to make an appointment and to also confirm they had the doctor's order, as moving anywhere with my dad requires me to be strategic. Given the hospital campus is huge, I am putting my dad in a wheelchair and managing that visit that way. Thanks to Mattie, I have a transport wheelchair and naturally whenever I use it, it reminds me of Mattie's journey with osteosarcoma. It is hard to believe another September 8th is fast approaching (anniversary of Mattie's death), signifying that Mattie has been gone from my life for 17 years. It may sound like an eternity ago, to me it feels like yesterday.
Any case, by the end of the afternoon, I did one of my favorite things..... pulling weeds. I find it very therapeutic and of course necessary in order to have a flowering garden!
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