Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2006. That day Peter and Mattie went with his buddy Zachary and his dad to a Day out with Thomas (the tank engine). Mattie and Zachary LOVED trains and spending the day riding trains and running around with each other made for a very memorable moment! 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 39,338,982
• Number of people who died from the virus: 641,709

It dawned on me that I forgot to post this photo on last night's blog. The shelving in the office has three sections, and I only posted two of the three last night. The middle section is equally important as it has photos of Mattie with us, many of his clay pieces he created in clinic, his hand print, and the Lego taxi he built at the Lego store with a master builder. 

The Washington DC area got hit with a terrible storm from Hurricane Ida. I won't forget Ida any time soon. At 2am, we awoke from lightning and thunder. Then Sunny jumped on the bed in a panic. Needless to say, we both jolted out of bed. Peter had the where with all at that horrible hour to check on the basement during the storm! Brilliant! Because if he didn't we would have extensive damage this morning. 

We have a new door on order for the basement because we knew the current one wasn't water proof. In fact, it has a big seams in it, where we can even put our hand through when the door is closed. Keep that in mind. 

Any case, within minutes of Peter leaving our bedroom, I heard him screaming for me. He wanted me to know that the basement was completely flooded. I ran downstairs, but it took me a few minutes to understand what was happening at 2:30am. When I got downstairs, I was besides myself. This is a photo of our utility room. That wasn't so bad. 

But the entire basement, including the bedroom and bathroom were covered in two inches of water. Peter and I were wading through water up to our ankles. We started scrambling to address the issue. Peter has a wet/dry vacuum. But it died mid-use. There was just too much water. So I ran upstairs and got brooms and mops. I literally opened the outside basement door and started sweeping water out. The issue is the drain outside the door got jammed with leaves. Once Peter cleaned it, it did drain water appropriately. But our area received 3-4 inches of rain in 45 minutes. In comparison we can get that much rain in one month usually. So it was a deluge and practically impossible to manage.

We swept and mopped for almost four hours straight. We stopped at 6am. In the process of dealing with this, I called Servpro, which is a company that deals with water damage 24 hours a day. I honestly think that is a misnomer, because they sent someone this morning around 10am, after we cleaned up the mess.

We were vigilant at getting every drop of water out of the basement, and thankfully it only sat there for a few hours. After sweeping and mopping, we moved to drying down baseboards and bringing down fans and spraying Lysol. Fans are still going down there. In the process of dealing with that, I landed up doing multiple loads of laundry of towels and mats that got soaked with water. 

We haven't unpacked the basement, but we do have boxes and items down there. Many are of Mattie's things and I would have been livid if they were destroyed. I call it the basement and house from hell, as there isn't a minute's peace here. 

Any case, we have a plan in place to manage that outside drain to prevent it from getting covered in leaves again and we can't wait for the new door to be installed in October. 

Meanwhile it is raining and STILL raining cats and dogs. We are both on the edge as we don't want another night like the last one. 

By mid-afternoon today, we both took to the couch. I literally put on pajamas and I haven't moved since. Peter is resting and exhausted. Sunny and Indie are in the family room with us too and both took to their respective beds. A bad night for all four of us. 

I end tonight's posting with a photo of our TV stand in the family room. Not to see the TV, but to see all the items featured under it. As you can see it is the Sun, Moon, and Star theme... so in essence very Mattie Miracle!

The little red vase on the lower right hand shelf was the vase Mattie made for me on our last Valentine's day together. 

Tuesday, August 31, 2021

Tuesday, August 31, 2021 -- Mattie died 622 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2002. Mattie was four months old and by that point he loved his entertainment saucer. It was the only device that I could leave Mattie in for a few minutes and have my two hands free. Mattie loved being able to move around independently as the chair turned 360 degrees, and of course he loved all the gadgets that made noise on the saucer. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 39,171,259
• Number of people who died from the virus: 639,730

Another busy day on the Farm. If I am supposed to be having fun and enjoying this house, it isn't happening. It is non-stop work, and it is impossible for me to get to my emails, much less my Mattie Miracle work. 

On Sunday, I found a hummingbird feeder that I had. Given that I am seeing hummingbirds around, I decided to put it out on Sunday. If you look closely on the right, you will see a little brown colored hummingbird at the feeder. 

When I went out to walk Sunny this morning, we ran into our next door neighbor. Ironically neighbors on both sides of us are new. They purchased their homes a few months after us. Any case, this woman has four children and some with special needs. She is worried that her kids will be making too much noise when they eventually move in. Peter and I know something about special needs, so I think we alleviated her fears. But she has extensive work to do on her house and won't be moving in for a year. She took us inside, and after seeing her home, I am not sure how she is going to manage this renovation and four children. 

I spent a good portion of the day trying to go through boxes and things. The office is filled with book shelves. I did put some books out but instead, I am using the shelves to feature Mattie memories and Mattie creations. 

This set of shelves features so many things, from Mattie's Lego Taj Mahal, his pumpkin created out of clay, his clay figure of a boy in a wheelchair, his painting that says Love Mommy, and his Empire State Building to name a few.

This set of shelves has many of the Mattie Miracle awards we have earned, I dedicated a corner of memorabilia from our wedding, the plaque from the Washington Post of Mattie's obituary, some of his favorite shells, and I even have a red box with Patches ashes. Nurse Patches was an amazing cat and so good with Mattie. They loved each other and Mattie wanted to see Patches before he died, but the hospital would not allow her to come in.

I learned today that Peter will be traveling for business on Mattie's 12th anniversary of his death. In addition he will be gone for this Take the Plunge Challenge on September 9th. So I feel a lot of pressure to get the house unpacked, organized, and to figure out what I will say for this on line contest. 

I think I have been so busy with contractors and unpacking that I haven't been focused on our DC apartment and saying good-bye to what was a part of our life for 27 years. However, tonight the phone rang and it was our long-time neighbors in DC. They wanted to know if they would be seeing us again, and told us that our garden area now looks so empty! Hearing this made me come to terms with reality. The reality for me is I miss my DC space, the things that I have taken for granted as being so familiar, and the sites and sounds of the city. When and if Peter went away, I knew people in DC all around me, and I always knew I could call our front desk and in a minute, help would be on the way. I do not have this same security here and for me this is a huge adjustment.

Monday, August 30, 2021

Monday, August 30, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2003. Mattie was 11 months old and it was his first plane trip to Los Angeles. Mattie visited with my parents and truly enjoyed the backyard and being about to be outside and be one with nature. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 39,048,608
• Number of people who died from the virus: 638,671

I was up at 6am because it was going to be another full day with the plumber and HVAC folks. Our driveway is like an ad for FH Furr. It has been this way since June. Three months of non-stop work! Literally the workmen left at 6pm. That is 10 hours of work today. They are all wonderful and professional, but it is very hard to unpack when I can't easily get around the house. I find this very frustrating and stressful. I am also cleaning around the clock and the whole thing is getting tiring. 

Sunny and Indie were not thrilled to have all this work done at the house today. In between managing calls about the house and workmen, I went through paperwork in my office. I found a lot pertaining to my dissertation. I kept a letter from my dissertation chair. She wrote:

Vicki, I thought that you (or your parents) might like having a copy of the words I spoke in honoring you at the Doctoral Tea. 

Here are the words my dissertation chair shared at the tea, which was a graduate school specific event acknowledging doctoral students. Carol wrote,

Vicki Sardi was a stellar student throughout her doctoral program. She was always an active contributor to class, an exceptional addition to course projects, and she wrote outstanding papers. In fact, I always saved her course paper to read last in the group -- for two reasons. First, they were always superior, and second, her papers settled me into a good mood as I prepared to submit final grades.

While here Vicki received the GWU Bender Teaching Award for her superb teaching as an adjunct faculty member. She also received the ACA Multicultural Award, a Chi Sigma Iota Award, and about six other awards. 

Vicki came to us from the sciences and her work reflects the attention to detail and objectivity that are never far from a scientist's approach. But she did not have an easy time with advisors, having two who left the university and having then to settle with me. I'll never forget Vicki making me promise to stay well, to avoid risking activities, and to not even think about retiring. Sure, I agreed that I wouldn't take up sky-diving and promised not to retire. But I drew the limits at avoiding skiing!

Vicki's dissertation is a tour de force. In Erik Erikson's terms, she studied generativity, in this case, how organizations support those who care for elderly family members. It was not easy finding an organization or agency that offers eldercare services but she persisted --- in fact, she persisted to the extent that the federal agency she eventually did use -- came after her with an offer of full time employment. 

Vicki's doctoral study, and her need to show the support that employed caregivers need when caring for elderly loved ones, were in memory of her grandmother who had spent her last years needing full time eldercare services and of her parents who gave of themselves in her grandmother's care. Her grandmother and parents live on in Vicki's study and in the dedication to her dissertation that speaks miles about Vicki as a person. It reads, " in memory of my maternal grandmother, Anne Spallone, who showed my family how to age with grace, beauty, and dignity, and to my loving parents, Virginia and Mauro Sardi, who taught me the value, honor, and importance of compassion as caregivers. 

The announcement of my dissertation defense (which is like an oral presentation, followed by questioning by your research committee). I remember by the time I got to defense day, I was relatively calm. I felt like no one knew my study as well as I did. I was proud of my work and truly my dissertation chair was correct.... it was a tour du force, because it took me about THREE years to find my study sample. I really think most students would have given up or changed the nature of their study. But I was focused and committed to studying the stresses of family caregivers who balanced work and caring for a sick older adult. 

I remember Peter snapped several photos of me and friends at graduation. On the left is my friend Lisa. Though Lisa and I haven't lived in the same state for decades, we remain connected and I am honored that she remains a steadfast blog reader. She is a gifted educator and I always appreciate how she reminds me that I do use my counseling skills each and every day with the Foundation. Ironically though I can recall the other two women in the photo!

Me popping my head up in the crowd. 

Me and Mattie with my dissertation chair, Carol. 

Me with Carol, dressed up in our doctoral caps and gowns. 

Onto the house. We had all our air ducts cleaned out today. The HVAC folks were here for 6 hours. They said they NEVER saw ducts this dirty! We asked if this dirt could have been from our painting, plastering, and refinishing floors. They said NO! Certainly it contributed to the mess, but they feel these ducts haven't been cleaned for the life of the house (26 years). The dirt, dust, and dry wall material looked like white frosting.

The ducts are now clean, and this is what a clean duct looks like. 

Having workmen under foot is difficult for all four of us! Tonight when everyone left, we all settled in the family room to unwind!

August 29, 2021

Sunday, August 29, 2021

Tonight's picture was take in April of 2002. Perhaps a few days after Mattie was born. I was an absolute mess physically and also developed post-partum depression soon after. Peter literally cared for both of us the five days we were in the hospital, and he was the first one to change Mattie's diaper.  

Quote of the day: Tonight's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 38,792,675
• Number of people who died from the virus: 637,518

While organizing one of our break fronts today, I came across this painted leaf. I forgot all about it! Mattie created it while in preschool. 

Peter got up at 5:45am and brought back a lot of items that were still in our townhouse in DC. We have been working the whole day and finally stopped at 7pm. I have been working a few new rugs on line and today we put out the outdoor rug. As you can see Sunny LOVES it!    

We unrolled the rug we bought for the dining room and positioned that as well. I did not think I'd like a "distressed rug." It is a new rug, but one that is given an antique look. Turns out I really love it and it captures all the colors I was hoping to highlight in the room. 

In my organizing, I found this wonderful Halloween bag that Mattie's good friend, Kazu, created for him. I think it is absolutely touching for a five year old to write... I love you Mattie! Kazu was Mattie's first friend that he made in his new school. They bonded the first day of summer camp and remained friends until the end. 

This funny looking schematic was of our deck in Washington, DC. Each spring we would plant in our flower boxes. It truly was a labor of love, because we had to buy the flowers and dirt and get it from the car to the townhouse. Which wasn't as easy as you think. As it involved stairs and an elevator. In any case, we had a schematic, because it would help us when we went to the nursery to buy plants. 

I found the trunk of our original lemon tree today! I am sure Peter kept it because it was a special tree to us. Unfortunately it died while Mattie was undergoing treatment. It required tender loving care and because we weren't around, it died. If you haven't guessed by now, we are attached to certain things in our life. 

This is our living room. Believe it or not, I actually had A LOT of furniture in our townhouse, so filling up the house is turning out to be NO problem! Here's the funny thing.... I think in the townhouse all our things were on top of each other, so we really couldn't appreciate any one of them. Now that things are spread out, we are really noticing and appreciating the things we collected together over the years. 

The family room is coming along. We rolled out a rug today for the room, and Sunny and Indie immediately sat on it. I may not have mentioned this but the white chair in the right corner was a chair we bought a few months before Mattie was born. We wanted a rocker and a comfortable place to sit with Mattie. Baby Mattie sat in this chair many times with us and the chair holds memories. 

Saturday, August 28, 2021

Saturday, August 28, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. We were in the middle of the pediatric unit hallway and getting Mattie to do his physical therapy exercises. Mattie traveled with an entourage of friends. In this photo was Kathleen (his nurse), Mary (a child life volunteer), Meg (a child life intern), Linda (Mattie's child life specialist), and Brandon (Mattie's best buddy in cancer). What you can't possibly know was that Dancing Queen was playing and everyone on the floor could hear it. In fact, many of the admin on the floor got to know Mattie because he always had music playing and was doing some sort of activity in the hallway. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 38,749,506 
• Number of people who died from the virus: 637,174

Do you see Indie? She sitting in a small cat tree by the window. This is her old cat perch from DC, a very familiar spot! Indie loves being be the window and checking birds that fly by. She is most definitely a birder!

This cute kitty was a nightmare last night. It was her first night at the house and she was ON the entire night. Very vocal, screaming, crying out, and moaning. When she wasn't doing that, she was jumping all over us in bed. Neither of us got any sleep last night. 

It was another full day! There is so much to unpack and organize that I literally feel like a chicken without a head. I flit from one room to the next, trying to accomplish something, but never really finish anything. 

Sunny has been so good, that I felt he deserved a long walk this morning. He loved it! I notice if I take him for a walk, he is happy to entertain himself for the rest of the afternoon. 

The neighborhood is surrounded by trees and woods. A night and day difference from living in DC. Sunny absolutely loves exploring and looking for critters. 

This deer did not disappoint. He was literally walking across a neighbor's front lawn. Luckily Sunny was leashed, otherwise, this deer would have gotten a work out! 

I spent the day going through boxes and re-organizing. What Peter constantly reminds me is that I did an excellent job packing our closets in the townhouse. I literally filled every nook and cranny and now that we have more space, I can actually understand the volume of things we own. 

Peter made another run to the townhouse and is slowing cleaning out the kitchen there. I couldn't get over the volume he brought back for me to process today. It literally took me the whole day and unfortunately there is still more to pack up in DC. Frankly it is overwhelming and we are both extremely tired of working around the clock. 

Friday, August 27, 2021

Friday, August 27, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2005. Mattie was three years old and the stool that he was standing one, was made by hand. Peter and Mattie built this John Deere tractor stool together. Mattie loved all vehicles, and needed a stool to reach the sink in the bathroom. Mattie was the kind of child who was going to do things when he was ready. Not on a pediatrician derived milestone check list. To inspire Mattie with potty training and becoming more independent in the bathroom, the stool was an incentive. It actually worked well and once Mattie was ready, he caught onto potty training quickly. On an aside, this stool is so well made that I continue to use it to reach things in my clothes closet.

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 38,500,016
• Number of people who died from the virus: 634,438

Last night Peter and I were sitting on the couch and Sunny joined us. This is very rare, as he's not a couch person. In any case, he is slowly adjusting to his new environment. 

Thankfully I slept last night! Being in my own bed helped a lot as did having air conditioning. I got up at 6:30am, as we had the plumber coming. The previous plumber we had wasn't a good match for us, and never completed the work. Today's plumber will be working with us and is lovely and competent. I have no idea what the former owner was thinking but with this big backyard, there is NO hose bib! Making it impossible to water the garden. We are fixing this issue! 

It is very difficult unpacking when managing workmen and jumping from one issue or question to another. I started the morning by cleaning off the driveway and garage. They were both filled with red clay/mud from when the electric company was here and dug up lines. It made no sense cleaning inside, because as soon as you walked outside, and stepped back in, mud got everywhere. Along with plaster dust footprints.... which are my nemesis right now. 

This afternoon, we had a terrible rain and thunder storm. That sends Sunny right into my parent's closet. Apparently Sunny deems this as the safest or most quiet place in the house. 

While juggling the plumber, I began cleaning out the built in shelves in the office. Each was filthy! Grime from the previous owner as well as plaster dust lining each shelf. It was a big mess. I have decided to use most of these shelves to highlight Mattie Miracle and Mattie. 

The Lego dome is from Mattie's Taj Mahal that he built with Peter, during treatment. It was a huge structure. About two years ago, I broke it down and only kept the dome. Next to the Taj, is a memory box I made with one of our Walk logos. The heart painting was given to me by Mattie on Valentine's Day. It says Love Mommy." On the bottom shelf I received a tulip orange candle from a psychologist in the Netherlands. She is a Mattie Miracle fan and wanted me to have this. 

When Mattie died, we created an obituary. The Washington Post actually sent us the plaque of the obituary that you see on the lower shelf.

Today we brought Indie to the new house. We boarded her with the vet since Tuesday. We felt this was the best thing to do with her, so that we wouldn't lose her when the movers left the doors open. I learned from our hospital days with Mattie... no one reads signs. So I did not feel comfortable leaving Indie in a room with a sign on the door telling movers not to open the door. 

Meanwhile, we ordered a big cat tree for Indie. We wanted her to have a nice surprise awaiting her. We knew she would like it, because she had smaller versions of this at the townhouse. Indie gravitated to it immediately and began looking out the windows in Peter's office. 

The queen of the office!

Thursday, August 26, 2021

Thursday, August 26, 2021

Tonight's picture was taken in Easter of 2009. Like so many holidays, we were in the hospital. That day, friends came by and held an Easter egg hunt for Mattie in the middle of the pediatric unit hallway. The eggs were creatively placed so that Mattie could reach them from his wheelchair. Everyone knew Mattie wasn't interested in candy. So instead the plastic eggs were filled with little toys. Mattie loved it!

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 38,374,252
• Number of people who died from the virus: 633,479

Though Peter and I were exhausted last night, I couldn't sleep. Sunny and I were up all night along. Most likely for numerous reasons. First, we couldn't sleep on the second floor because the air conditioning system died on the second floor. It was an oven up there. So we slept in the family room. We were too tired to deal with aeromattresses, so I gave Peter the couch and I slept in a big rocking chair, which I used to use for Mattie. I couldn't get comfortable and literally at 2am, I got up from the chair and went to lie down on Sunny's dog bed. He wasn't using it, so I did! It is actually very comfortable, but I still couldn't sleep. I am not used to the all the quiet around me. We both got up at 6am because we had many of the trades coming at 7:30am. Peter snapped this photo during sunrise. As you may have already figured out, what drew me to the house in the first place was the backyard. 

I spent a good portion of the day trying to dig out of boxes and bags in the kitchen and pantry. I really appreciate several of the emails I am receiving.... both of support and sharing your appreciation for hearing more about Mattie through many of the memories I have shared over the course of our move. I truly love hearing that my stories are helping you get to know Mattie better. You are right... Mattie will be integrated into every room of our home. 

In 2019, Peter was awarded the Unsung Hero award by the Washington Nationals. He even got to throw a pitch from the mound and meet a player, and get a ball signed. Peter was acknowledged for his Mattie Miracle work. In the background of this photo, you see the chair I was sleeping in and my fleecy Mattie memory blanket. Peter made this beautiful gift for me one Mother's Day! 

I am slowly trying to put each room together. I have to purposefully tell myself that it is OKAY to change things up. That things don't have to be displayed the same way as they were in DC. Which is freeing because trying to fit an expectation is hard. 

This is the dining room set I was telling you about in a previous blog. My neighbors were moving back to Ireland and sold me the table, 6 chairs, and two table leaves  for $200. It is a lovely set from Macy's and I am glad to have a this set which ties me back to our DC life. 

On a side note, Peter reminded me that on August 24, 1994, we moved from Boston to Washington, DC. Rather ironic that almost exactly 27 years later, on August 25, 2021, we moved out of our townhouse to Oakton. 

The house has a new addition to it. The former owners called a portion of this new space the hearth room. I call it the music room. There I placed the piano our neighbor gave Mattie (in hopes he would take lessons) and a Victrola that Peter's family friend gave me years ago. It is on the Victrola that I place Mattie's ashes. 

A close up of the beautiful music box that holds Mattie's ashes, and on the box I always display Mattie's foot and hand prints. Along with a memorial candle, including a plastic spider. Mattie would approve! 

In the kitchen, I am displaying a beautiful plate a friend of Peter's made for us years ago. It features a profile photo of Mattie. On top of the range hood, I have two of my hot plate tiles that remind me of Mattie Miracle sun and in the center is a plate that we got from Peter's maternal grandmother. It talks about how friends who visit always land up in the kitchen. They LOVE her kitchen the best.  

In the kitchen I am also displaying two of Mattie's favorite rocks, as he loved collecting them, along with a mini brick that a family of a preschool friend created for Mattie. It basically acknowledges Mattie as the "King of the Legos."

Mattie's preschool teacher, and my close friend, Margaret, got me started on angel collection. She gave me my first angel and the center stone featuring a little boy angel. 

For years I have held on this mantel clock. My in-laws gave it to me. But I never had a mantel to display it. 

It was another hectic and stressful day. It started with electricity being SHUT OFF completely in the house at 8am. It remained off until close to noon. It was ridiculous and something I wasn't expecting. I couldn't work in closets and therefore had a hard time unpacking. 

In the midst of dealing with electricians and the electric company, the HVAC folks showed up. They were ready to work on installing a new air conditioning system for the second floor. The problem was they needed power. With the power off they couldn't work and they were ready to leave. 

That is until Peter lost it on these people. He got them to work together so that the HVAC people wouldn't leave and could start working, as we really needed air. 

We had the HVAC people with us for 8 hours! I really thought they were going to sleep over. It is close to impossible to focus on unpacking when you are managing people all around you trying to fix things. When they finally left at 6pm, I went upstairs and was stunned. The walls were a mess, some were scratched and chipped. I frankly wanted to have a hissy fit, given we just painted the entire house. Instead I got out my sponge and started to clean the walls and even the ceilings. I got most of the dirt and junk off, but under my breath, I wasn't happy and kept saying.... who does this kind of stuff? Needless to say after a very full day and lack of sleep..... cleaning floors, walls, and ceilings wasn't high on my list.  

The fun continues tomorrow with the plumber. But the extensive repairs we have had to do to this house is noteworthy. Thankfully the electricity is now up to code. We have replaced two out of three air conditioning condensers, added a new water heater and water filtration system, and next on the list is dealing with a leak in the living room ceiling, replacing all the gutters and fixing a portion of the roof which is rotted, getting a structural engineer to evaluate a chipped beam (uncovered doing electrical work) and finally dry walling the hole in our wall between the laundry room and garage and then painting the garage. So basically it isn't over any time soon. With all these folks coming in and of the house, it is virtually impossible to keep it clean. I am constantly cleaning, but it feels like trying to drink the ocean up, with a teaspoon.