I received tonight's picture in the mail today. Susan, a staff member at Mattie's school, St. Stephen's and St. Agnes School, sent me a CD in the mail with many wonderful photos of Mattie. I have never met Susan, but I was deeply touched by her letter and photos. The photo on display tonight was taken in May 2008, on Grandparent's day at Mattie's school. Mattie's class performed in the grandparent's day concert, and Susan captured Mattie at his best. Mattie is front and center. He had quite a smirk on his face. Most likely he spotted my parents in the audience and was making sure they were listening and focused on stage. That was Mattie! Mattie's class is featured in the front row of the picture. From left to right are: Claire, Charlotte (Ellen's daughter), Xander, Mason, Mattie, Cavin Reed, Missy, Paul (Alison's son), and Abigail (Ann's daughter).
Poem of the day: There You'll Be By Debbie Tsotaddle
You’re on every corner, turn and twist.
Every old familiar spot whispers how your missed
In our dreams we can see you soar above the sky
A free bird at last with so many left behind
When reminiscing of you, on our face a smile shall appear
Ever reminding us that in our hearts and memories you are still near
We were blessed to have you in our lives
And will always feel sorrow for the dreams you left behind
A part of you will always remain in the hearts of we
Always reminding us that where ever we are….There you’ll be.
I received two lovely things in the mail today. A staff member from Mattie's school, Susan, who I have never met before, sent me a very lovely letter and a CD of photos of Mattie. In fact, some of these photos are down right unbelievable. One in particular I will feature in tomorrow's blog. It captured my heart. She also sent me some photos of Mattie during his kindergarten class' ribbon cutting ceremony for the garden they planted. I always felt remorse that I never saw this garden in person, since Mattie was very proud of it. The photos illustrated to me Mattie's excitement over the occasion. I have to admit that seeing the "healthy" Mattie caught me by surprise, because naturally my most vivid memories are of Mattie with cancer. The photos were so meaningful, because they reminded me of the many happy times Mattie had in his life, and his contagious energy and spirit! This was a special gift to receive, from someone I never even met.
The second item I received in the mail was a lovely pin from my friend, Nancy. The pin had two hands holding a heart. Almost symbolic of my hands and Peter's hands holding onto Mattie's heart. A symbol that holds true to how we are feeling.
Peter had the opportunity to help Mary and Mike this morning. Mike was readmitted to the hospital, and Mary needed help with her girls so that she could visit him in the hospital. Peter had a fun time with Emily, who is four years old. When Emily would visit Mattie in the hospital, she always would give Peter a big greeting. She naturally seemed to trust him, and they have a nice rapport. Mary and Mike were so helpful to Peter and I during Mattie's battle, that now when they need help, we are more than happy to step in. It comes down to the fact that we were very lucky to have a Team Mattie, and it is hard to adequately express our thanks and appreciation to others for over a year's worth of support and care.
Ann's birthday is this weekend, and in celebration of the occasion, Peter and I are watching her children so that she and Bob can have a night away. Needless to say, Peter and I had a very busy day. Peter spent the afternoon with Katie and Michael, and I went with Abigail and Katharina to a gymnastics competition. At the competition, the girls got to run around, meet new friends, buy Ann a birthday gift (at one of the vendor stands), and of course eat and watch some wonderful gymnasts. We spent about three hours at this recreation center, and I think all of us got our workout. Katharina and Abigail spoke to me about Mattie during our car ride. In fact, Katharina told me she had a dream last night in which she could picture Mattie running around and doing somersaults. Abigail was surprised to hear this because she responded by saying that Mattie couldn't do somersaults. Certainly she was right when he was ill, but when he was healthy, he could. It is interesting to me that Abigail and I primarily remember Mattie ill, and yet Katharina's dream forced us to think back to the real Mattie, the happy Mattie. I wish I could have such a dream, but so far, my dreams do not include Mattie. Frankly I most likely don't sleep soundly enough to even dream.
I want to thank Tamra (our friend and SSSAS parent) for baking beautiful sugar cookies today for the children to decorate. Tamra baked cookies in the shape of a winter mitten, and she sent along frosting and all sorts of wonderful sprinkles. This got us in the mood to prepare for Ann's birthday. This evening, the girls decided to bake a cake and cupcakes for their mom. They are very excited for tomorrow, and they hope she will be happy and pleased with their thoughts and efforts.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I read what you said about "forgetting the jewelry" and then not finding the wind chimes when you got home. I have a different interpretation of what happened. I don't believe Mattie is moving further away from you; I believe Mattie is telling you that at some point, his spirit will be within you, not dependent on external items like jewelry and chimes and toys. I think this is his way of telling you that you are moving along in the grieving process and that eventually a permanent link to him will be within you. I am glad you and Peter are able to acknowledge each other's different grief "styles" and help and support each other; that is so important for a couple to do. I wish you a space of time today to breathe in some serenity and peace. You remain in my thoughts and daily prayers."
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