A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to me that you take the time to write and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful and help support me through very challenging times. I am forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically have stopped writing on September 9, 2010. However, like my journey with grief there is so much that still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with me, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki



April 5, 2023

Wednesday, April 5, 2023

Wednesday, April 5, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2005. We were celebrating Mattie's third birthday! That year, the party theme was Blue's Clues. It was quite the party because I had a student of mine come perform a magic show and then we hosted a Blue's Clues game for the kids to play. By Mattie's third birthday, he was fully on board with the fun and excitement that comes with a party. 


Quote of the day: The death of a child is like a stone cast into the stillness of a pond; the ripples are endless. ~ Rachel Yoder


One of the things I haven't mentioned is that our next door neighbor is having a lot of work done on her house. This brings a great deal of activity and chaos to our cul de sac. Some days it is down right hilarious how many cars and trucks can fit in one tight space. Fortunately I am used to living in the city, where noise was plentiful! So truly the chaos is noteworthy but not enough to make me uneasy. It also helps that our neighbor is lovely, her son visits me regularly, and she takes an interest in Mattie and Mattie Miracle. 

Or perhaps I have enough chaos inside my home that outside doesn't seem as bad. But to add to my neighbor's activity, we had window cleaners here this morning starting at 8:30am. Since the house has so many windows, when they are dirty, things can look depressing. It is amazing how clean windows can change one's whole outlook and perspective. This husband and wife team were so great, that they even came inside and cleaned some of our bigger windows for no additional charge. The couple is committed to doing a great job and their attention to detail was outstanding.  

Mattie's favorite nurse, Tricia, sent me this photo last night on his birthday. Tricia also thinks of Mattie every time she sees a big Mattie Moon! 

I was recalling a Mattie moment with Tricia yesterday. Mattie was in the pediatric intensive care unit (PICU) of the hospital. On that occasion, Mattie was outside his room in the PICU hallway and saw Tricia on the other side of the unit. Mattie let out with a big scream and said 'TRICIA!' Tricia came running because she thought Mattie was in pain or needed medical attention. When Tricia came over and asked Mattie what was wrong, his response was, "I wanted to tell you I LOVE you!" It was such an unplanned, unexpected, and natural moment, that neither of us will ever forget it. 
I am rarely on Facebook anymore. I am still interested in what my friends are doing, but frankly given all I am juggling, I find that I can't even return emails, much less spend time on Facebook. So many people do not know that I am a full-time caregiver once again, and I am sure many just think I have either forgotten about them or don't care. Neither of which is true. 

When I went onto Facebook yesterday to post about Mattie's birthday, I found that a fellow cancer advocate posted this beautiful collage on my page. I absolutely LOVE it and wanted to share it here! 

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