Sunday, December 31, 2023

Sunday, December 31, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie received many gifts that day..... from Christmas stockings (which he decided to wear), to Christmas themed donuts, and that adorable magnetic Santa that we attached to his wheelchair. I honestly do not know how Mattie managed each and every day, and found moments were he could smile. What I do know was I worked very hard to nurture, protect, and advocate for Mattie each and every day. I gave it my all, and my all unfortunately wasn't good enough. But I do not live with regrets about my choices and I am glad that I devoted my time to mothering Mattie. 

Quote of the day: It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone. ~ John Steinbeck

I took my parents out for a New Year's Eve lunch. Before going out, I decided to marinade rockfish for tomorrow's lunch with friends. Rockfish piccata. 

Also assembled shrimp scampi. I like pre-marinading so that the fish takes on the flavors overnight. 

I was telling Cheryl, our server (who we see every Sunday), what I was cooking tomorrow and she looked shocked. She thought it was incredible and a lot of work. 

Ironically at this point in my life, I need busy work and tomorrow's lunch was a whole lot easier to prep than Christmas dinner. 

While out at lunch today, I was reflecting on New Year's memories with my parents. This photo was taken on a Caribbean cruise in 2019. In fact the photo was taken on December 31, 2019. Little did we know how life was going to change dramatically months later. As we went on the cruise without even knowing that the threat of COVID was imminent. 

The year 2020 is one I will never forget. We all went into COVID lock down and my dad was hospitalized twice (sepsis and then an impacted colon). Those hospitalizations were the beginning of the end for him as he went into the hospital with early stage dementia and by the time he was released (without family visits), he had moderate stage dementia. 

As this is the last day of 2023, all I can say is THANK GOD. It was a nightmare year and I literally threw out the 2023 calendar that I use daily in the trash tonight. I threw it out with wild abandonment, never to hopefully experience such darkness in my life again. I can only hope that 2024 treats me kinder. 

Despite my low mood tonight, I received several donations for Mattie Miracle. Many of them came with kind and loving notes. One note was from Mattie's surgeon who now lives in Atlanta. He wanted me to know that he thinks my family is amazing and he will never forget Mattie the fighter! The feeling is mutual, as I will never forget this physician and his compassion for Mattie and for us. In fact, after he performed surgery, this surgeon brought Mattie a Star Wars toy. To this day, I still have that toy!