Saturday, January 20, 2024

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2009. Mattie was home between treatments and what you maybe able to see in the background was the frame of a hospital bed. In fact our entire living room looked like a hospital room. It had IV poles, a commode, a bed, and lots of lots of toys and materials. Mattie was on the floor playing and at one point, he moved close to Peter and decided to lie down on top of him. Peter and I coped with the impossible. We know all too well the complexities of life and through this nightmare, we always had each other. It was our intact family unit that made the unbearable, bearable. We were never alone and we always wanted Mattie to know he was loved and our number one priority. 

Quote of the day: Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them and filling an emptiness we didn’t ever know we had. ~ Thom Jones

On January 20th, I always post a tribute to my maternal grandmother. She died on January 20, 1994, at the age of 86. My grandmother lost her husband to colon cancer (when she was in her 50's) before I was born. By the time I came along, my grandmother was already living with my parents. So to me a multi-generational household was normal. 

Facts about my grandma:

1. She was born in 1907, in New York. 
2. Both of her parents were born in Italy. 
3. She was the oldest of five siblings. 
4. She married at the age of 16. Her husband was born in Italy and was a contractor for commercial and residential properties. 
5. She had three children. Her middle child died (Sudden Infant Death). 
6. Though she did not work outside the home, she had numerous skills. Cooking being at the top of the list. 
7. She was a born caregiver and cared for everyone in her family. 
8. She sponsored many family members to come to America and is in essence responsible for their successes and improved quality of life. 
9. She was a kind, gentle, caring, and loving person. With a very easy-going personality. 
10. She had two grand-daughters, but she and I shared a very close bond. As I was known to call her "mom."
11. Her favorite color was green. 
12. She introduced me to Days of Our Lives at an early age. 
13. She played the piano by ear. 
14. She wasn't a fan of chocolate (not unlike Mattie).
15. She wasn't squeamish. She could handle everything from mice to seeing blood. 
16. She did not know how to drive. 
17. She loved to read and was well informed about all current events. 
18. She was a Bob Hope and Bing Crosby fan. As a result, I have seen all the Road to.... movies. 
19. She loved lily of the valley flowers. 
20. She suffered a massive stroke in 1990, which left her physically disabled. She died 4 years later.  

This photo was taken in 2018. I went to Alexandria to walk with my friend Tina and her dog, Max. It is hard to believe that both Sunny and Max are no longer on this earth. Both dogs meant the world to their moms! 

I used to call Sunny the Ambassador! He earned that title because he got along with every person, child, and animal. Sunny loved life and in the process he made me want to get out into the world and explore just like him. Without him the world is grayer but the joy he brought to my life will always warm my heart. He lives on within me, but my outlook on life right now is dark. 

Though we never left the house today, I never stopped for one minute. After getting my dad up, showered, dressed, and he had breakfast. I made him do his 15 minute walking routine. Once he was settled, I shoveled the rest of the driveway and moved the snow away from the end of the driveway. Some one came to plow our cul de sac last night and did a terrible job. The person piled the snow in front of the driveway and I had a heck of a time digging out of it today. 

After snow removal, I hopped on a two hour virtual support group. I am not a big support group fan, never have been, but given all that I am coping with now, and the uniqueness of some of my issues, I felt compelled to reach out to people who may understand me. I learned a lot today and though problems aren't solved, I did feel less alone and validated. I take it one day at a time and fortunately living with trauma is not a new feature in my life. But I would say traumas and grief do pile up on one another, and one trigger can re-ignite all the others. 

I went out to get the mail today and found this beautiful card from my friend Toni awaiting me. Toni, is Brandon's mom, Mattie's best friend in cancer. Toni and I lived through a very horrific time together and it means a great deal to know she still stands besides me. I was deeply touched to know that she remains a blog reader after all these years and continues the journey with me. I will never forget the special bond Mattie and Brandon shared, and on the day that Mattie died, Brandon came to the hospital (and keep in mind that Brandon lived almost two hours away from the hospital) and he sat in the room with us while we had an impromptu celebration of life for Mattie. 

The tributes for my Sunman continue to grow. Cards and gifts! I am grateful to all my friends who are acknowledging this big loss in my life.