Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2003. Mattie was 11 months old and it was his first trip to Los Angeles. That day, we took Mattie to the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena. Here's the funny part about all of this, when I was in high school and lived in Los Angeles, I visited the museum at the Huntington Gardens, but I never explored the gardens. Since Mattie was all about outdoors and nature, he opened up a whole other world for me and for my parents. This has to be one of my favorite places to visit and I am so glad that we explored it with Mattie. These are memories that are locked within my mind and heart.
Quote of the day: Despite all of the talk about resilience being an individual trait, most of us are only as resilient as we are loved. ~ Taiki Matsuura
Each night, my parents and I watch TV together. We just finished watching the show called Hudson & Rex. A crime drama that shows the amazing bond between a major crimes team and a K-9. Ironically I stopped watching this show when I learned the main character in real life was diagnosed with cancer and once stable he wasn't allowed back onto the show. In addition, during season 7, Rex (the dog) died in real life. That was enough for me! So for us the show ended at season 6. I do not like change in my real life, and I definitely can't handle it in my TV programming. Losing the original Hudson and the original Rex was enough for me.... some things/people are NOT replaceable!
So a few days ago, I turned to When Calls the Heart. I have watched several episodes of this show years ago, but at the time I was the only one it resonated with, so we did not continue watching it. But now, my parents and I are hooked. This is a Hallmark production, and the program creator is Michael Landon, Jr. I think what this show illustrates is that it is possible to tell a meaningful and beautiful story, without violence, sex, and ridiculous visual effects. The story speaks for itself, as do the actors.
In one of the scenes from When Calls the Heart, Abigail (played by Lori Laughlin) talks about the loss of both her husband and son in a coal mining explosion. She poignantly points out that she was once a wife, and was once a mom, but now she is neither. It left an enormous hole in her identity and life and she was left to try to figure out what is next in her life. It is an enormous test to one's character to try to pick up the pieces and find a way forward. All I know is I felt like Abigail was speaking my language. I identified with her traumatic losses and the emptiness that results from the unexpected. When I find someone who can give voice to what is in my heart, it gives me pause. All I know is at night, while watching this show, my mind takes a break from my own inner turmoil. Which is a blessing.
This morning, I had the opportunity to take part in a conference call with the co-founders of another childhood cancer non-profit. In fact, we spoke to this couple a few years ago and shared insights about creating a 501c3 and some of the lessons we have learned along the way. On an aside, in the 17 years that Mattie Miracle has been in operation, we have helped many other parents get their non-profits off the ground. I take great pride in this, and while on the call today, watching the co-founders (who are bereaved parents) interact, I couldn't help but pause. Why? Because at one time this was how me and my other half were.... we were on the same page, working together, having a vision, and working that vision to make it a reality. The moments of grief and sadness present themselves at various times, at unexpected times, and I can't say with time being divorced has gotten any easier. It only gets more familiar.
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