Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2003. Mattie was 11 months old. It was his first airplane trip, and not a short flight either, as we took him to Los Angeles. I had a conference to attend there and since I never parted from Mattie, he came with us and had a ball at my parent's house. I remember taking this photo in the living room. I bent down to snap a photo and Mattie opened his arms to grab me and the camera! It is a priceless photo. When I look at this photo, it brings me back to when I was in high school. As this is the house I lived in then and as I look at my mom's furniture and rug, I see that they have now become mine. That may not sound surprising as children inherit their parents things, but I guess back then when I took this photo, I couldn't see the stage that I would be faced with now.... a caregiver to my parents and divorced.
Quote of the day: Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Typically I love Kubler-Ross quotes, but this one came across my page today and all I can say is "really Elisabeth?" Are all events blessings? Must we be bestowed such blessings in order to learn? She was not the only one with this philosophy. So many people believe that all things happen for a reason and we learn what we are made of during such challenging times. There maybe some truth to this fact, but I guess my question is must be learn and grow only as a result of turmoil, crisis, trauma, and grief? My answer is no! I also believe that such trite quotes are generated not to make the traumatized feel better, but instead to provide a platitude for others to deliver to people facing the aftermath of their crises.
Sunday is usually the day we go out for brunch. A day that I don't have to cook a big meal at home. In addition to caregiving, I am cooking and cleaning around the clock on a daily basis. It is tiring. What should have been a positive experience today, was a disaster. First off, while driving to the restaurant, I could see that my dad was off. He looked and acted out of it. Of course if you ask him, he can't report out anything! NOTHING! I have to be Columbo 24/7! When we got to the restaurant, over the course of the meal, my dad went through three packets of tissues. Mind you I travel with tissues and garbage bags to collect his tissues! This is a daily problem, not unique to today! But today, his nose was running non-stop. I gave him Tylenol while we were eating and while juggling my dad, the restaurant got everything my mom and I ordered wrong! I was constantly sending things back and complaining. While I was dealing with managers coming to the table to chat about the problems, my dad was eating non-stop. So by the time we got our food, he was done, and then he proceeds to stare at us to finish. How I didn't jump out the window I do not know. But one of the managers came over to me because he saw all that I was dealing with, with my parents and wrong orders, that he comped our meal and then gave me a big hug. This kindness doesn't go unnoticed. This is the same manager that tells me often that he sees everything that I do for my parents, and that I am a unique and strong individual.
Any case, by the time I got home, I was strung out. In fact, I am still agitated tonight from today and now I have to face the fact that my dad could be sick once again. What would be a minor illness for you and me, is hospital worthy for him. For now he is getting Tylenol around the clock and I should know in a day or so which direction this is going. God give me strength.
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