Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2004. Mattie rarely sat in this big white rocker. When he did it usually meant he wasn't feeling well or he wanted to sit with me and rock. When I was pregnant my mom bought us this chair. Though Mattie is no longer with us, the chair remains in my family room. The chair is worn and truly it is not as stable as it used to be, but I just can't seem to part with it.
Quote of the day: Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~ Mark Twain
Mark Twain was quite accurate about anger. For the most part, I keep my anger in check. Meaning I try not to lash out at others, unless provoked, and when being assertive is necessary. Otherwise, my anger goes internally and it is true the feelings it invokes could destroy me from the inside out. Today, while driving from one area in my community to the other to pick up my dad at his memory care center, I ran into traffic. Not traffic on a main street, but traffic leading into my neighborhood. So it is a street that you wouldn't take unless you live in my community! I truly did not know what was going on and was ready to flip out, as I had a limited window to pick up my dad. However, I remained patient. Then I noticed cars in the line in front of me, doing a three point turn because they couldn't move forward. Again, I had no idea what was going on. As cars started to move away from the pile up, I noticed a man (who I don't know) standing in the middle of the road directing traffic. He was telling people NOT to enter our community, but to turn around. Literally by the time I got up to him, I told him outright that he can't stand in the middle of the road and he certainly can't be telling us what to do in our own neighborhood!
At which point, he started yelling at me that electric lines had come down because a tree fell on the lines. As he was conveying or screaming at me, I could see what he was saying, but again, I have a brain and can determine whether I deem it safe to traverse the road or not. The majority of people complied with his directions, I did not! The side of the road I had to trave on had no downed lines and there was no way I was turning back to get on the main street to fight traffic. As it is, because I was late getting to my dad, he was in a state, ready to cry. He was ready to leave and I wasn't there, and he thought he was left behind.
So now that I am not in a car and do not have time pressure, why did I yell at this man? Was he trying to be helpful? Maybe! But it was how he went about it! He did not convey the problem, he just started screaming at cars and telling us we were idiots for being on this road. NOPE, his whole demeanor did not sit well with me and given what I am enduring in my personal life, I don't respond well to being yelled at, dictated to, or better yet called an idiot or stupid. But overall, I am also aware of my own internal anger about my life and yesterday's technology crisis in my house did not help as it is still reverberating through me. Could I beat myself up about what happened in the car today (confronting the man in the road)? I could, but I am not going to because the hardest judge of myself is indeed myself. Somewhere along the line, I may learn the art of showing myself the kindness that I try to provide to others on a daily basis.
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