Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2004. Mattie was almost two years old! To me this photo says it all, as I was trying to take a photo of Mattie and this was not what he had in mind. Mattie wanted to go outside and I was slowing him down. My need to snap photos was not part of his plan. So you can see Mattie got himself outside to our deck and was ready to close the door on me, to prevent the photo, but more importantly to hurry me along. Somehow I captured the photo and his impish smile!
Quote of the day: It’s not the honors and the prizes and the fancy outsides of life which ultimately nourish our souls. It’s the knowing that we can be trusted, that we never have to fear the truth, that the bedrock of our very being is good stuff. ~ Fred Rogers
It was another winner of a morning. Not very long ago, these types of mornings occurred maybe once or twice a week. Now they happen every single morning. The IBS cleanups, while showering and dressing my dad, are overwhelming and frustrating. My dad's cognitive decline is significant. I can say something to him and two seconds later, he doesn't remember what I just said. My dad has lost all memory of most things, including his long-term memory. In addition, my dad knows that I was once married, but he has no idea where my other half is, or what transpired. To my dad, my other half is just away on a trip! If I could only sign up for this portion of his memory, I'd do it in a flash!
Once I got my parents settled this morning, I then went to my monthly task which I hate..... figuring out how I am paying bills. I spent two hours on bills today and thankfully had a quiet moment where I could actually think. In addition to bill paying, I am also focused on the Foundation's Walk Website. All I can say is THANK goodness, I designed this site a few years ago. If I had to create this from scratch now, I would jump out the window because that would require a steep learning curve. As it is, it has taken me weeks to work on sponsors and raffle items, which was crucial, in order to be able to input that into the website system.
I finally finished the book I was gifted. The book is a memoir of a woman's relationship and unexpected divorce after 20 years of marriage. In one of her chapters she reflects on what to do with photos, videos, items, and her wedding album. I am sure if you ask divorced women what they have done with these once cherished items, the answer maybe different. But not unlike the author of the book I was reading, I would NEVER throw these items out. Why? Because you can rob me of my present and future, but there is NO WAY you are going to wipe away my past. I was in a relationship for 35 years, had a child, went through a childhood cancer journey, built a Foundation in Mattie's memory and experienced a medical trauma and grief journey together. These are the facts... the photos don't lie. They are visual reminders of the LOVE, SUPPORT, and RESPECT that surrounded those 35 years.
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