Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2005. Mattie was three years old and it was third summer vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. On our drive to the barrier island, we would stop at Morris Farms. It was a family tradition. I loved the fruits and vegetables and Mattie loved exploring the farm equipment! As you can see Farmer Brown was checking out the tractor. If it had wheels, then you bet it intrigued Mattie!
Quote of the day: Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass. ~ Mary Kay Blakely
It was a day of non-stop cleanup. It started when my dad was in the shower and it has occurred throughout the day. Including Indie, who decided today to poop all over the basement rather than use her TWO litter boxes. I have been cleaning, and cleaning, and disinfecting. Of course when I picked my dad up at his memory care center, they handed me a bag of clothes filled with poop. So more cleaning. You get the picture. My joke is I don't know who I feel worse for..... me or our amazing garbage men who deal with our weekly trash. The trash bin is so horrific, that I have to clean it out weekly with white vinegar and Lysol. I could get a doctorate at this point on dealing with irritable bowel syndrome.
At some point today, a friend of mine sent me two slides from a presentation she attended. On the slides were the concept, "resource anchors." A resource anchor is anything that offers some calmness in our mind-body. Obviously when we are better resourced, we can respond to stressors better. The next slide mentioned the who, what, where, and when of securing these resource anchors.
Next to the "who" in the slide, it said, "think of the one who brings you a feeling of being safe." My friend knew exactly how I'd react to this, as she and I are facing different and yet the same nightmare. As soon as I saw the WHO, I could feel my heart racing and my head pounding. Because my WHO has been the same person for 35 years! When you are married for decades and grow up together, not to mention experienced the death of a child, you become each other's anchors. I would naturally turn to my other half for all good and bag things. I have now lost my anchor and my "trusted" sounding board.
Now some of you may be saying..... you may have lost your anchor, but you have no problem moving full speed ahead and managing every task and problem you face! Sure that maybe true! I can be resourceful, because I have no other choice. My parents are relying on me, but that doesn't mean even someone who is resourceful and tenacious doesn't need a resource anchor. The problem of course is I devoted my life to that bond, a bond that I thought was unbreakable. Yet here I am divorced! Therefore, how likely do you think it is that I will allow anyone into my life again? Not just anyone, but someone who I will trust and share all aspects of my life. If the answer is NEVER, you are absolutely correct. You can fool me once, but fooling me a second time is not going to happen.
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