Tonight's picture was taken on July 25, 2009, my last birthday with Mattie. That day, he worked with his grandparents on creating this special lighthouse birthday card for me. The lighthouse you see on the card was a replica of Bodie Light in the Outer Banks. This was a lighthouse we visited together as a family many times. I remember this moment like it were yesterday and it never dawned on me that I would be facing a lifetime without my son. My birthday falls two days after Mattie's diagnosis day, and no matter how many years go by, I can't help but associate my birthday with the horrors of hearing Mattie has cancer!
Quote of the day: Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. ~ William Arthur Ward
Though my life isn't how I hoped or planned, I am grateful that so many people who love me reached out to me today......in calls, texts, emails, cards, and gifts. At 9am, my phone rang. It was my (former) in-laws. My (former) mother-in-law played Happy Birthday on the piano and both she and my (former) father-in-law were singing! Beautiful harmony! I told them, they still have it at 90! They have been singing happy birthday to me since I got married. Whether the law acknowledges that I am a Brown or not, I am still being treated as part of the family, and that to me speaks volumes and it is deeply appreciated.
Toni sent me this photo while touring fields of sunflowers because it reminded her of Mattie. The sunflower is symbolic of Team Mattie (as this network of friends gifted me sunflowers every time we were home from the hospital). I just can't imagine how glorious a sighting this is in person!
Last night, after putting my dad to bed, I was doing chores and unloading the dishwasher. I could hear that someone was by our front door. I went to look and sure enough an amazing care package from Spoonful of Comfort was at my doorstep. It was gifted to me by Cheryl.
Cheryl is one of those gifts that I received through my marriage. She and I have never met one another, yet we know a great deal about each other, about our lives, and Cheryl has been reading this blog since I started it in 2008. That is 18 years of reading my ups, downs, happiness, and profound sadness. When I became separated in 2023, I did not tell many people at first. It was deeply painful, embarrassing, and traumatic. But Cheryl was one of the people I confided in and I joke, but there were many times I felt like jumping out the window, but it was something Cheryl said, that got me to wait that feeling out and therefore I made it to the next day. Then the next day after that, and so forth.
Today me will live in the moment, unless it's unpleasant, in which case me will eat a cookie.
This morning, I opened a small package I received from my friend in England. She and I have been on a nightmare divorce journey since 2023. She sent me a heart, because she wanted me to know how much I am loved by so many people and when in doubt, she suggested I hold the heart! I wanted to show her the heart on me, so I went outside into the garden and snapped this photo. On an aside, I hate seeing myself in photos now, as I can see how incredibly exhausted I look. 
My friend Heidi sent me this citrus themed tea towel and lotion. If you don't know this about me..... I LOVE lotion. My nickname is the lotion lady! But check out the name of this lotion.... "pink moon." Naturally I love anything moon related as it is reminds me of Mattie Moon.
I totally love this quote, and like the Cookie Monster, I do believe life looks better over a cookie. Also check out the bottom of the cozy socks..... a reminder that I am loved!
Here's a funny story! How did I meet Heidi? Well after Mattie died, a started a Zumba class. The reason I chose that class was it was run by one of the mom's in Mattie's kindergarten. So she knew me and she knew my nightmare. That was important to me. Any case, on my first day in Zumba class, one of the participants came up to me and gave me a big hug.... as if we knew each other. Well I did not know Heidi, but Heidi knew me as she was a blog reader. It was Heidi's warm and compassionate greeting, that helped me feel safe in that classroom. That may sound odd, but when you lose a child to cancer, everything about the world around you feels raw. Which is why my connection to Heidi will always be special.
What makes this restaurant so special is the pace, the service, and the four course menu. Every server is kind, professional, and truly wants to make you happy. You are never rushed and the goal is to sit and enjoy the beautiful surroundings and good food.
It is now too difficult for me to enter this restaurant with both parents at one time. Mainly because both of my parents need chair pillows, I have tote bags, and have to hold onto my mom. Therefore, I can't juggle my dad at the same time, because he trips over every rug inside the restaurant. So I took my mom in first and then ran back out for my dad. By the time I got them both seated, I had two servers come up to me and said they were so impressed with what they just saw me do! The manager also told me today that God sees everything I am doing and that it takes a very special person to be a caregiver.
Each of us ordered a dessert and they sent out this homemade meringue in honor of my birthday! The meringue is a hard shell and absolutely amazing. It is actually my favorite dessert, as it melts in your mouth and underneath the meringue is homemade chocolate ice cream! My mom and I decimated this treat, there was nothing left on the plate!
A big thank you to all of you who remind me I am important, I am worth celebrating, and as one of the amazing researchers who works with the Foundation said today.... "you are one of the most remarkable, beautiful, and inspirational woman I know!"
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