Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2006. Mattie was four years old and up to his antics on the staircase. What was he doing? Well he took Patches cat toy, placed it near her, and was trying to get her to play along with him. As Mattie pressed the button he was holding, a toy mouse would pop out of the base unit near Patches. Patches was the best cat! She put up with all sorts of stuff from Mattie, but she realized he was an important part of the family. Patches in many cases humored Mattie. Which was why I sometimes referred to her as... big sister Patches!
Quote of the day: And all at once, Summer collapsed into Fall… ~ Oscar Wilde
It is the beginning of Fall, and with a nor'easter storm up and down the East coast, it has been damp and non-stop rain. It makes for a very depressing weekend. I am not a weekend fan to begin with, but grayness and rain are quite enough to make a hard weekend even harder. Moving around my parents in the damp and cold rain is challenging. They both move slowly and no matter how I maneuver them, I land up getting soaked. I take them out to the same restaurant every Sunday. Like clockwork, my dad always has an irritable bowel incident on the drive to the restaurant. The restaurant is about 30 minutes from my home. Though my dad's dementia is significant, what is life limiting is the combination of this cognitive decline with irritable bowel syndrome. It makes it close to impossible to travel anywhere with my dad or to live a normal life. As my world is regulated by his dripping nose and bathroom trips.
This month we were invited to two events, one a special anniversary celebration for my cousins and another a birthday party of one of my mom's colleagues. Both are out of state and unfortunately given our circumstances, traveling is out of the question. But honestly I would even try traveling with them if I wasn't battling bathroom catastrophes. Caregiving produces isolation for various reasons. Top of the list is most people do not like being around these stresses and seeing these declines. But not having the freedom to visit people and connect with the world, makes my existence even harder.
This is when I resent even more the notion of being divorced. I did not sign up to move my parents to the East Coast. I did not feel it would be in their best interest as everything they knew was in California. Yet, now I am solely responsible for my parents and it is daunting. Wouldn't it be nice to have my other half doing the driving, helping to carry bags, and being an emotional support as I face countless caregiving stresses on any given day? The answer is YES, YES, and YES it WOULD!!!
As we were leaving the restaurant, sure enough, another irritable bowel incident occurred. I quickly whisked my dad into the car and had a major clean up job to do at home. While juggling my dad, we then had a temporary power outage. Which meant the wi-fi in the house went down. Nothing in the house works without a wi-fi connection and my mom was getting upset. So I wasn't sure what I was addressing first. What I have noticed is my mom's cognitive decline is much more significant, as she will ask me the same question multiple times in a matter of 15-20 minutes. It is a balancing act of being factual without saying something demeaning like..... you have asked me this twenty times already!
On an aside, in September of 2021, I made the Fall wreath that is on my door. We had moved into the house in August of 2021, and we were living without my parents at that time. I remember going to the craft store and picking up silk flowers, pinecones, gourds, and a bare wreath. Within two hours, I created this finished product. Whenever I see this wreath, it takes me back in time, when I was a married woman and I thought a whole new chapter was ahead of us.
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