Thursday, October 17, 2024
Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. Mattie was four and a half years old. We took him to Butler's Orchard that weekend. This was a farm Mattie's preschool introduced us to, and though our time at that preschool was short lived, this farm became a tradition for us each Fall and Spring. Mattie loved riding the hay wagon to the fields to pick out a pumpkin! We took many wonderful photos in this spot and I really thought it was going to be a long standing tradition, that we would visit for decades. Never realizing how short a period of time we would have Mattie in our lives.
Quote of the day: Then her heart, now broken into a thousand pieces, slowly began to turn to ice. ~ Morgan Rhodes
Later today I had my weekly therapy appointment. I basically told her she is on borrowed time. I find her ineffective and today she was basically telling me that I am stuck. That I can't seem to let Peter go, and find a way forward. Correct, I did not need to pay her for that revelation! She puts a rational lens on my situation, and I assure you there is nothing rational about it. I can understand her point of view, but she can't understand mine, nor does she give any credence that what I am expressing could possibly be true. She wants me to look forward, to imagine life NOT being stuck and with a future ahead. I told her she doesn't get it! NOT one bit. I don't see a future ahead, nor do I care to.
If I hear her saying one more time about putting a coin in my emotional bank account, I think I will smack her! She mentioned going out with a friend, taking a walk, and the list went on! I told her I have no interest in walking, why meet a friend, as it isn't going to help me and with each thing she tossed out at me, I tossed one right back at her. I am quite certain she never met a person like me, but as I told her I do not need help understanding the world of Vicki or how Vicki operates. I am crystal clear on Vicki!
It takes a lot to sit in all my losses and to feel the pain I am enduring each day. I have no choice, this is my life, but I can tell that not everyone is up for this challenge.
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