Tuesday, November 28, 2017 -- Mattie died 428 weeks ago today.
Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. Mattie went to Peter's office for a visit. As you can see Mattie helped himself to the markers on Peter's dry erase board and started creating! Typical of Mattie he chose to draw something with wheels. But the tell tale Mattie symbol integrated into all of his art pieces was the SUN! He added it unsolicited to drawings and paintings.
Quote of the day: I believe that most caregivers find that they inherit a situation where they just kind of move into caregiving. It's not a conscious decision for most caregivers, and they are ultimately left with the responsibility of working while still trying to be the caregiver, the provider, and the nurturer. ~ Sharon Law Tucker
The week prior to Thanksgiving, Peter and I took on the unexpected role of a caregiver for our neighbor. Our neighbor took a serious fall and was in the hospital for two weeks. When released from the hospital, she came home with a leg and arm cast, and no family geographically close to assist her. We are now moving into week two of this caregiving experience and I have several observations.
First I must note to my readers that caregiving is not a new topic for me. In 2003, I completed and successfully defended my dissertation. The title of my dissertation was The relationship among the use and non-use of eldercare services, self -efficacy, and job satisfaction on the perceived stress of employed caregivers of older adults. You can see my dissertation by Clicking on this text. In fact when I entered my doctoral program, I knew my research focus would be on family caregiving. Why? Because when I was in college my maternal grandmother (who lived with me and my parents as I was growing up) suffered a massive stroke leaving her partially paralyzed, having swallowing issues, and a whole host of other side effects. My mom became my grandmother's primary caregiver and from this experience I learned first hand the intense stresses of caregiving. So much so that my mom landed up in the hospital critically ill for weeks because she was so depleted from caregiving. This experience changed my perspective on life so much so that my specialty in the mental health field became gerontology with the focus on caregiver stress. Mind you this was when I was in my twenties.
I of course had no idea that later in life, I would once again be involved with family caregiving, this time for an unsuspected person...... my seven year old son. But it did not end there. After losing Mattie, I became intensely involved in the care of my friend's parents until they both died. So besides understanding the art of caregiving from a research and clinical stand point, I have intense personal experience with the subject matter. I not only have heard about the stresses from my research subjects, but I have lived and breathed these stresses.
So who are family caregivers? They are relatives, friends, or neighbors who provide assistance related to an underlying physical or mental disability but who are unpaid for those services.
A recent study says that 26.5% of all American adults today are family caregivers. The value of the voluntary, "unpaid" caregiving service provided by caregivers was estimated at $310 billion in 2006 — almost twice as much as was actually spent on home care and nursing services combined. By 2009, about 61.6 million caregivers were providing "unpaid" care at a value that had increased to an estimated $450 billion. Family caregivers provide an average of 20 hours of care per week.
Peter and I spend at least 14 to 16 hours a week meeting the needs of our neighbor. Think about it, if you are in an arm and leg cast, it is very hard to cook, clean your home or yourself, grocery shop, or do laundry. So we have taken on all of these necessary tasks. But here is my number one observation I have made........
When you are ill, you quickly learn who your friends are. I learned this first hand when Mattie was battling cancer. People who I thought I was close to, and would step up to offer support, really backed away. Of course my situation was much more intense than the issue my neighbor is facing. However, there is a commonality. Caregiving scares people away..... as the time commitment, energy, and financial expenditures maybe more than friends are willing to take on.
At the end of the day, I feel as if Mattie trained Peter and me quite well. We understand how medical systems operate, we know who the gate keepers are, how to work the system, and demand things to get what is needed. What a terrible way to develop such skills, but I find people turn to us in medical crises because unfortunately we can size up and assess what is needed right away, which is half the battle. My neighbor may not be aware of this, but since we have removed a lot of her daily stresses, she can focus on healing. Which is the key in this case to recovery.
