Saturday, April 30, 2022

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2004, during Mattie's second birthday party. Mattie's party was at our home, and he was surrounded by family and close friends. Peter clearly caught a moment with us together, most likely chatting about his cake. Even though it was a vanilla cake, Mattie really wasn't into sweets. Totally unlike his mom! So at most parties and gatherings when Mattie got treats..... he turned them over to me! It was a great deal!

Quote of the day: Being alone with fear can rapidly turn into panic. Being alone with frustration can rapidly turn into anger. Being alone with disappointment can rapid turn into discouragement and, even worse, despair. ~ Mark Goulston

There are times I absolutely just want to blow my top. Today was one of those days. I woke up at 7:30am, because I just couldn't take another 5:30 or 6am wake up. After getting myself showered and dressed, I made breakfast. But before I woke my dad up, I called back a member of our community's home owner's association! That was my first mistake. It was NOT a good way to start my day. This thirty minute conversation sent me spiraling downhill. I don't typically hang up on people, but she was over the top. 

She called me yesterday evening and left a message. She wanted to talk with me about the adjacent home to ours. This home was sold around the time we bought our house. I met the new owners and they have four children, two with special needs. The mom of these children introduced herself to us in the Fall and told us she wasn't moving in right away, because they wanted to make their home ADA compliant. I am all for that, and was supportive of her quest. 

It turns out however, that this quest, is turning into a nightmare. I just learned she wants to completely demolish the house, and in addition to expanding the house, she wants to build a huge pool with water park slide, a human chess set, a terrace, and a golf cart garage and track in her backyard. What this translates down to is massive chaos and debris around us for over a year. Honestly I want to scream. How much can I take right now, as I have my parents, Sunny who has cancer, and now this. This isn't just a minor renovation or even an extensive interior revamp, this is massive construction and it will take big pieces of equipment to unearth dirt, cut down and remove trees, and the list goes on. I can't believe we will be living with traffic, congestion, construction noise, and dirt and debris flying everywhere for a year or more. Both of my parent's have bronchial issues and this will not be good for their health. 

But here is the kicker, the woman from the home owner's association told me that the HOA bylaws have nothing in them regarding demolition and tear downs of existing homes. HONESTLY, really? So if Fairfax County approves this, our hands are tied. In addition she had the audacity to tell me if I wanted a home environment in which I could control what goes on around me, that I should move to another state! Welcome to the neighborhood Vicki! Frankly you could have left me in DC, I loved our complex, the people who worked there, and I lived a much stressful life in the middle of the city. 

So today in addition to dealing with my usual chaos of endless questions, the bathroom routine, and other fire drills, I decided to write a formal letter to the HOA and their architectural review committee. I also reached out to all the neighbors on our street, because NONE of them (except one) knows of the construction plans for this house. The HOA felt that only adjacent houses to the house undergoing construction need to be aware of the plans. I don't agree at all, since we live in a dead end street, we will all be impacted. I told the HOA woman this morning that dust, debris, and particulates KNOW NO BOUNDARIES and all our neighbors have a right to know. Needless to say, I am not making any friends on the HOA. Then the HOA woman told me that the board is meeting this week to discuss this construction case. I said that I would like to attend to represent our concerns. I was told NO, that only board members are allowed. I did not like that response one bit and wrote a letter to the president of the HOA. The HOA represents all of us, and we pay dues. Therefore we should have a right to attend, to voice concerns, and be heard. Unless this isn't a democracy! 

Friday, April 29, 2022

Friday, April 29, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2007. Mattie was five years old and that weekend we took him to Luray Caverns. It was Mattie's first trip inside a cavern. He was scared at first because it was dark and frankly spooky inside, but he was also fascinated by the whole experience. Mattie was always up for an adventure and to explore the world around him. 

Quote of the day: Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace. ~ Robert J. Sawyer

I got my dad up, showered, dressed, downstairs for breakfast and then to the memory care center. Then I came back home and walked Sunny for 90 minutes. After the walk, I drove my mom to Georgetown to get her hair and nails done. Georgetown was a complete zoo today as they were having their French Market. Which basically means that all the stores feature some of their products curbside. 

Hoards of people and parking was a nightmare. I dropped my mom off at the salon and it took me 45 minutes to park. Then about a twenty minute walk from the parking area to the salon. I assure you all of this stressed me out to know end, as I feel like I am on a constant treadmill, trying to meet everyone's needs. 

While my mom was getting her hair done, I got my nails done. I haven't done this since November. I know the manicurist well, as I have been going to her for over 13 years. Her sister used to do my hair, before she retired. I went to the salon with my mom because I have tried other arrangements, and nothing worked. So now it is just easier to go and stay. Next week I am going back to get my hair cut. I haven't done this in a year. The person who cuts my hair suggested I come alone, because I deserve my OWN time. 

It is now 10:45pm, and this is my first time sitting down at the computer all day. This is absolutely unheard of for me during fundraising season! As typically I am working and focused around the clock on sponsors and drumming up money for the Foundation. Of course, in the past, I always wondered whether my leadership was important in fundraising season, now unfortunately because of my circumstances, I am answering my own question. I am pulled every which way now and it makes it close to impossible to get work down, much less fundraise. Which is why we are behind our targeted financial goal. I can easily determine this based on my tracking of funds generated at this time from the past several years. This of course is DEEPLY disturbing, troubling, and frustrating for me. 

Because April is fundraising season for me, I never heard of French Market day in Georgetown. Mind you I lived minutes from Georgetown for over twenty years. I am not sure how I could be this clueless with something happening (for decades) in my own neighborhood, but I am proof that it happens. 

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. Mattie was four years old and was visiting the Reston Zoo. It was a favorite of ours because of the size and hands on activities. I was always leery when Mattie was sitting or riding on a horse. Given my experiences with horses, I know they startle easily and can literally start running. I tried not to translate my fears down to Mattie. He loved horses and had an appreciation and respect for their size and strength. 

Quote of the day: All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog. ~ Charles Schulz

Last night was a nightmare. At around dinner time, my dad started complaining that he did not have a bowel movement that day. He is very fixated on bowel movements and has NO INSIGHT or discretion as to when he can and can't talk about it. In any case, by 10pm, he was doubled over in pain. Given the fact that I rushed him to the ER in Los Angeles in June of 2020 with an impacted colon, in which he had to hospitalized for a week, I wasn't taking any chances. 

So I gave him an oral laxative as well as a suppository. I waited for the suppository to work for TWO hours. NOTHING. By midnight, I had to go to sleep because I had to wake up at 5:30am in order to do my morning chores and get Sunny to the vet by 7:30am. When I went to bed, I dreaded today because I figured if the suppository didn't work, we had another problem on our hands. Fortunately my dad went to the bathroom at 1am and that crisis was averted.

I took Sunny to see his surgeon today. Peter and I trust her and we want ahead and approved her to do a CT scan of Sunny, which required sedation as well as a special urine test called BRAF. BRAF is a genetic mutation that is identified in around 80% of dogs with transitional cell carcinoma in the bladder and prostate. The Cadet BRAF test is PCR based genetic test that allows detection of this mutation in the urothelial cells that have been shed in the urine.

Sunny was with the vet from 7:30am to 5pm. Apparently for Peter and I, we are allowed no peace, no joy, but instead a life of grief, heartache, and sadness. Today it was confirmed that Sunny does indeed have cancer. So further assessments are needed to determine specific type and whether we are dealing with multiple cancers at one time. Sunny's surgeon feels this is a very unusual presentment, especially when he has no symptoms. If Sunny never had a preventative sonogram at his senior check up, I would still be clueless about his adrenal gland mass, his bladder mass, and his mass in his spleen. Honestly maybe I would have been better not knowing. 

Sunny has been a God sent in our lives. He has filled our home, hearts, and life with love and joy. I just can't imagine losing something else I love so much to cancer. Sunny is a beautiful and gentle soul and the thought of him enduring cancer just doesn't sit well with me. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2007. Mattie was five years old and my boys were outside on our balcony, which overlooked the Kennedy Center. This balcony view was a part of our life for twenty years and when I think of it, I naturally think of Mattie and when we were a family of three. 

Quote of the day: Affirmations are our mental vitamins, providing the supplementary positive thoughts we need to balance the barrage of negative events and thoughts we experience daily. ~ Tia Walker

The memory care center gave my dad a Mini Mental Status Exam and a Geriatric Depression Screening test today. The Mini Mental State Examination (MMSE) is a tool that can be used to systematically and thoroughly assess mental status. It is an 11-question measure that tests five areas of cognitive function: orientation, registration, attention and calculation, recall, and language. The maximum score is 30. Do you want to know that my dad got a 28 out of 30. Meaning that he has no mental impairment! HONESTLY! Are you kidding me????

They administered this same assessment to him at the hospital. I believe he is used to the questions because he has taken many of them. They are a known quantity to him. I don't care what these assessments say! I am around him 24/7, and he is significantly impaired. A brief screening can't possibly capture the level of impairment. They also administered a depression screening and he scored a zero! No depression at all. That doesn't surprise me at all. My dad is happy, it is just the rest of us caring for him and experiencing his significant decline which is emotionally overwhelming. 

In many cases though my dad's responses on the depression screening are a riot. One question asks: Do you feel that you have more problems with memory than most? It is a YES or NO response. My dad picks neither, but writes a sentence next to the question that says, "I don't think I can answer, since I don't know MOST people." 

Putting that aside, the top of the depression assessment says.... "Score 1 point for each bolded answer. A score of 5 or more suggests depression." Do you see a problem with this?! I think even if one has a memory issue, one can read. One can understand that this screens for depression and one can also understand how one would score high for depression by circling the BOLDED responses! I would invalidate this assessment right away! So I looked it up. The center doesn't give participants the actual assessment, but instead asks them to complete responses on the scoring sheet! This is a BIG problem. If interested, check out this link to see what I am talking about. The first page is the actual assessment (which is what should have been given to my dad) and the second page is the scoring sheet (which is what my dad was actually given). 

Meanwhile, Peter contacted Sunny's surgeon. She performed two knee surgeries on Sunny in a two year time period. We told her about Sunny's latest sonogram and the fact that two big masses and swollen adrenal glands. We also explained that we can't get Sunny in to see an oncologist for three weeks. We talked to her last night, and tomorrow I will be taking Sunny in at 7:30am to meet her and undergo more testing. Dr. Hawthorne is an amazing vet and Sunny's new vet could learn a lesson or two from her. Unfortunately Dr. Hawthorne is a specialist so Sunny can't see her on a regular basis. But we love her, she gives her families her cell phone number, and actually advocates for her patients. What a concept. Good thoughts for Sunny tomorrow. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Tuesday, April 26, 2022 - Mattie died 656 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2008. Mattie typically had two birthday cakes. One big one for his actual party and a second small one for just us. The second one was ALWAYS an ice cream cake. It was a tradition I passed down to Mattie, as I always had a carvel ice cream cake for my birthdays as a child. Those of you who knew Mattie, knew he HATED chocolate. So you will notice his cake pieces had the chocolate removed. We were a match made in heaven as I am not a vanilla fan and was happy to swap Mattie's chocolate for my vanilla. 

Quote of the day: Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu

When we bought our house, the former owner had statues of frogs all over the back yard. I thought it was ODD and over time we removed each and every one. Now I get it! In a way it was a tribute to what lives in the backyard!

Look who was outside the other night. The frogs are making a racket at night, you can't be outside without hearing them. This fellow is lucky we were outside, because Sunny was after him. 

Isn't this a precious face! Last night, Sunny's new vet called me. He and I are like oil and water. Basically he thinks it is fine for a dog to wait three weeks to see an oncologist. Let me tell you in human terms, this would NOT be acceptable. I of course don't know cancer in dogs like I do in humans, but let's say I am NOT happy with the system. The vet knows this and when he calls me 'Sunny's mama,' I want to scream. It's how he says it. 

Today was the last day my dad had in-home occupational therapy (OT) and nursing. We have been working with my dad's OT since the beginning of January. I am very fond of her, and I wrote her a thank you note and bought her a big Gerber daisy. I am now working on transitioning my dad's PT, OT, and Speech Therapy to the memory care center he attends three times a week. 

The highlight of my day was a 2.5 mile walk with Sunny in the woods near our home. I just love this trail. It is so green and so peaceful. 

Sunny is now 11 years old. Which makes him a senior dog. I do notice that Sunny has slowed down significantly. Yet his spirit is there, and I just adjust my pace to accommodate him. I also bring a back pack filled with water and his portable doggie bowl. 

The azaleas are glorious in our backyard. One things I knew when buying this house is that we would be spending a lot of time in it. Therefore, I needed a yard and beauty around me. 

The colors are so vibrant!

There are four azalea colors in the backyard. This is the second one. 

This is the third color. The fourth is white, but those plants haven't opened up yet. 

This big Adirondack chair used to be green. The former owners had it tucked away in the bushes. Peter got it out of the bushes, painted in Mattie Miracle orange and I think it adds a wonderful pop of color in the backyard. 

Monday, April 25, 2022

Monday, April 25, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken on Easter of 2009. Two friends from Mattie's school visited the hospital that day and brought Mattie an Easter basket and coordinated an Easter egg hunt in the hospital hallways. Mattie loved it. You can see Mattie's final product..... a filled basket! Of course his friends knew Mattie did not like candy, so the plastic Easter eggs were filled with little trinkets and toys. 

Quote of the day: One person caring about another represents life’s greatest value. ~ Jim Rohn

Another crazy day. I frankly don't know how I string two words together or get anything done. As usual, I got my dad, up, washed, dressed, and downstairs for breakfast. What I don't mention is in between all of this the cleaning of the bathroom, making of beds, and doing laundry. These are things I do daily, sometimes more than once! 

I dropped my dad off at the memory care center this morning and then headed to the grocery store. My dad's last visit with his occupational therapist is tomorrow, and I wanted to buy her a plant and card to thank her. She has been working with us since December and she is the one who identified that my dad had a heart issue! I tell her often that she saved my dad's life. 

When I brought the groceries home, my mom wanted to go out. She wanted to drive herself. I have great concerns about this, but I realize I can only say so much. She has to figure out things for herself. We plugged in the shopping mall into her GPS. Actually getting to the mall from our home is easy. It requires no highway driving. Anyway, long story short, my mom got lost and landed up on the highway. Fortunately we can track her on her cell phone and Peter eventually was able to get her on the phone and help her navigate. Needless to say, I got little done today, because I was jumping from one issue to the next. 

Despite all I am juggling, I did a lot of cooking today.... I made homemade tomato soup, a chicken meatloaf, and zucchini in tomato sauce. Since Peter was gone all last week, we went out a lot and I did little cooking. I am back to cooking this week. 

We got a hold of Sunny's vet today. He has told us that he wants us to consult with an oncologist! Honestly you have to be kidding me! Mind you the first available oncology appointment is in mid-May, which is ridiculous if you are talking about cancer. So we did a lot of complaining and also reached out to Sunny's surgeon (she performed two knee repairs on him). She is going to try to help us too. As if life isn't complicated enough, now I have to worry about Sunny potentially having cancer. Why can't the vet be more optimistic, after all masses aren't always cancerous. Perhaps he knows more than he is saying, but overall I AM NOT HAPPY!

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2006. Mattie was four years old and that day I met a friend of mine and together we took Mattie to the Reston Zoo. This zoo was a favorite of both Mattie and me, because of its smaller scale and hands on features. Mattie loved feeding the farm animals and taking a tour on a wagon to visit the animals in the open fields. That day we snapped a photo of Mattie in front of this giant bunny, as it was close to Easter time. It is ironic that both Mattie and this long time friend of mine are both no longer in my life. 

Quote of the day: No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you can’t look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished? ~ Lee Iacocca

Last night, Peter lit a fire outside in the fire place for the FIRST time. We all came outside and sat by it for hours. This is one thing in the house that works perfectly and needed NO repair. There are so many trees around the house that all the wood we burnt was our own. 

I am very cognizant that because of my dad's issues, we do the same thing day in and day out. This is grueling and I know my mom needs much more stimulation than she has been able to get with my dad in tow. 

In the midst of everything we did today, I got my mom out and we went for about 45 minutes to a local art show. I wish I had more time, because I would have purchased several piece for the house. But there is one thing I absolutely lack and that is TIME. 

I love supporting local artists and these women, I thought, were all fantastic. It is good to know that Vale Arts does a public showing twice a year. 

These beautiful paintings were by Kim Richards. 

We were eyeing these four birds by Cathleen Lawless! You may not be able to see it because of the reflection in the glass, but in the upper right corner is a painting of a brown cow. I am a big cow fan, the only one in my family. But I think his adorable face was worthy of a purchase. 

These are the works of Linda Bullen.

These are the works of Lorrie Herman.

More of Kim Richards works. 

These are the beautiful works of Leanne Fink. We had an opportunity to talk with Leanne. Truly passionate about what she does and I admire her work.