Saturday, December 4, 2021

Saturday, December 4, 2021 

Tonight's picture was taken on December 18, 2008. Mattie was home post-surgery and as you can see decided to hobble his way to the piano to play. Unfortunately that year, Mattie was supposed to start piano lessons. It never happened. However, Mattie had a natural musical talent. He would go up to the keys and make up his own compositions. 

We got this piano from our neighbor, Susan. When she was leaving our complex, she got a hold of me and said that Mattie needed a piano, and he needed to learn to play. Susan gave us the piano for free, we just needed to get it from her townhouse into ours. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 49,048,850
• Number of people who died from the virus: 788,183

Today was frenetic. At 7am, I was washed, dressed, and running around the house. One of my dad's caregivers rented Uhauls today to help us pick up items for donation. Which was an enormous help. I just had to create piles. This was today's pile. In addition to this pile was my mom's roses in clay pots and their outdoor furniture. 

One of the Uhauls! 

My dad has caregivers who visit for four hours daily. This is Claudia. Today we had to say good-bye to her after working together for a year and a half. It is bittersweet, as my dad has very competent, reliable, and trustworthy caregivers. 

I was literally directing traffic today on my parent's driveway, which is very long and narrow. We had his caregiver visiting, their manicurist, DJ, who you see here, and two Uhauls. I think it is very hard to leave behind your home of 37 years and the friends who have become an important part of your life. 

I took my dad to see Gerrie today. Gerrie has her own health concerns, but she gave my dad a hair cut today and we got to reminiscence about her connection with my dad since 1984!

Claudia snapped this photo of us today! The fact that I am standing upright is remarkable. 

Friday, December 3, 2021

Friday, December 3, 2021 

Tonight's picture was taken on December 11, 2008. Mattie was still recovering from surgery and as you can see his left arm was still in a cast. Despite how he was feeling, Mattie tried his best to be up, playing, and engaging with me and Peter. Though we definitely had many down and moments, some of which I never even described on the blog. Even if I had, my words couldn't possible paint the reality we were living with on a day to day basis. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 48,988,223
• Number of people who died from the virus: 787,678

Another day in paradise. I feel like I am trying to pack the ocean, and failing miserably. Last night I went to bed and at 1am woke up with my eyes and head killing me. I immediately got up to take a migraine rescue medication. I finally fell back asleep at 2am, and then at 5am my mom's alert went off. I honestly did not know what hit me. I dragged myself out of bed at 6am and began my day. 

While my dad's caregiver was here, I began packing my dad's bathroom and linen closet. Going through the closet, I found some expired medications, tylenol, and advil. I started making a garbage and donation pile. My one of many piles. Don't you know my dad's caregiver began to tell me that my garbage pill wasn't actually garbage. That it can be donated. I listened, but there is NO way I am donating expired medications to anyone. I mention this because in the midst of juggling a lot of stress, I do not do well with background commentary. NOT AT ALL. 

We had a 1pm appointment at the Bank of America. As I needed to be added to my parent's accounts. Though I thought I was already on them, I found that I am not, and ONLY one person and one bank location could help us with this request. When we arrived at this bank branch today, it was a zoo. I mean a line out the door. I pushed my way through and explained that I had an appointment. Nonetheless it wasn't clear how the banker would know I was there in this chaos. My mom and I were told to sit in the waiting area and someone would call us. I THINK NOT! I literally went walking from one banker's office to the next until I found Kenneth. By the time I found him, I said I deserved a carrot at the end of this maze. Kenneth was a peach. Not only did he help us, but he even allowed me to go from the office out to the car to get my dad's signature on things, so I did not have to take him into the bank. My mom also had a coffee can filled with coins that she wanted converted to dollars. Banks do not have those CoinStar machines, like in grocery stores. So instead, Kenneth handed up sleeves for us to put the coins in. While he was working on our paperwork, my mom and I were shoving coins into sleeves. Don't you know that even Kenneth got into the process, and was assisting us stuffing coins into sleeves. Really unheard of to me, just a wonderful and costumer service oriented person. A person I would love to clone. 

Later in the day, we went to Paty's. A local restaurant near my parent's home. In a way, I refer to it as Cheers. The restaurant has daily regulars. Given my dad's multiple issues, Paty's is an excellent place for him to dine. All the managers at the restaurant know my parents. I have been there with them enough, that I know all the managers, most of the wait staff, and even recognize the regular customers. Today we told the managers that my parents are moving next week. They were stunned and saddened to be losing such good customers. I personally do not like moving, change, or good-byes. My parents have been living in Los Angeles for 37 years. It seems like a lifetime ago when they moved out here, and of course LA has many perks. Starting foremost with its incredible weather. I have been here since November 18, and haven't had one cloudy day. NO greyness and NO rain. Remarkable, in comparison to the Washington, DC area at this time of year. I do believe that the weather change, along with other things will be difficult for my parents to adjust to, and frankly between managing my own move and theirs, I am worn out. 

Thursday, December 2, 2021

Thursday, December 2, 2021 

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie was home recovering from surgery and that evening we met his cousins and some of his preschool buddies to go to the National Zoo's light show. Mattie's preschool was one of a kind and it was through his school that I met many of my extraordinary friends. Friends who stand behind the Foundation and are committed to its success. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 48,823,110
• Number of people who died from the virus: 785,767

Everything takes me ten times longer than I think it will. While my dad's caregiver was here today, I wanted to focus on the room that I stay in, to pack up the closet, the items in the bureaus, and the bathroom closet. I thought this was going to take me an hour, two at most. It took me four hours. In fact, after I finish typing the blog, I am going back at it. My hopes is to finish that room tonight, so that I can start combing through my parent's bedroom, closets, and bathroom tomorrow. Mind you I have been going through closets throughout the entire house all week. But each time I go at it, I am able to throw out, pack, or add to my donate pile. My donate pile is like a mountain right now. 

If there is any doubt, there are reminders of Mattie here in California. I found several of his drawings in one of the bureaus. This was actually a  menu from a restaurant in Florida called Sea Watch. Mattie and I were completely different kids. Even at an early age, I was fascinated by people watching, and enjoyed going out to eat as a child, both for the food and the people. Mattie did not have an interest in food or eating. So for him, going out to eat was a feat of entertainment for Peter and me. We had to keep him very busy and engaged, otherwise, he would want to leave the table and the restaurant. 

Another Mattie creation! I loved how Mattie wrote his name. Notice that all the letters are capitalized, except the letter i. Which had a cute dot over it!

I found some photos of Peter and me from our Alaska cruise in 2011. In this photo, we were eating outside at a BBQ of fresh caught salmon. I actually dislike salmon, but fresh caught salmon was delicious. Ironically I used to love salmon, then I got pregnant with Mattie, and my ability to eat salmon changed overnight. 

Peter and me in front of the Sapphire Princess. 

Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Wednesday, December 1, 2021 

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. I remember this day as if it were yesterday. Mattie's "girlfriend" had a birthday party, and she wanted to make sure Mattie could attend. Fortunately he was between hospital visits and got the special guest seat right next to the birthday girl. As so many of us are cognizant about germs and social distancing now, this is actually how people with cancer live each day of their lives. Therefore allowing Mattie out in public and in social situations like this took great courage. But I had to weigh his potential for catching an illness with living his life. I am so glad I chose living his life to his full potential. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 48,685,278
• Number of people who died from the virus: 781,961

We had to get my dad up and out the door by 9am today. I made a dermatology appointment for him because I had no idea what this big black thing was on his face (this is not a photo of my dad, but one I got off the internet.... yet my dad's looks a bit like this). He has one on his left cheek and right earlobe. Turns out it is called
Seborrheic Keratoses. Or in other words a type of wort. 

Specifically seborrheic keratosis is one of the most common noncancerous skin growths in older adults. While it's possible for one to appear on its own, multiple growths are more common. Seborrheic keratosis often appears on the face, chest, shoulders, or back. It has a waxy, scaly, slightly elevated appearance. The doctor used liquid nitrogen and froze it off. I can't say it looks better, but as it heals, it should get better. 

In addition to everything else today, my parents landlord wanted to show their home today to a potential renter. Totally hysterical, as I have boxes and bins everywhere. I had to organize the chaos to make it look better. The landlord came in and turned on all the lights and we opened the windows to air out the home (as my parents like it hot!). In any case can you imagine dealing with this three ring circus on top of everything else? Some moments I feel I could crack up. Once the potential renters left, I had to go around and close windows and lights. Honestly. 

I have a long night of more packing ahead of me. However, this afternoon, I helped my mom put Christmas notes and gifts together for the people who care for them. One of the people on the list is my dad's hairstylist. Someone he has known for 30+ years. Therefore, I would hope he would have some kind message he wanted me to write in her card. When I asked him, all he said was 'wishing you a Merry Christmas.' I admit my response wasn't so nice. I basically said 'after all these years with her, this is all you have to say!' My response, caused him to get angry and explode. He doesn't know what we want from him and he particularly doesn't like when I ask him to talk and express himself. Which I usually do whenever we eat, as I would like he to be part of our conversation. Honestly if I do not prod him, he'd say NOTHING all day! He says he is listening, but what is really happening is he is in a fog and checked out. Of course after I snapped at him, I felt guilty, but I guess I am not letting him go out of life quietly.

Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Tuesday, November 30, 2021 -- Mattie died 635 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2007. Mattie was five years old and we took him to Boston for Thanksgiving. As you can see we found some ducks and swans. Mattie was thrilled, as he loved all aspects of nature. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 48,530,447
• Number of people who died from the virus: 779,923

Every morning I wake up at 6am, and I have an agenda of what I want to get done. Forget it! Here in paradise my agenda goes right out the window. 

In theory my dad has a caregiver here from 8am to noon. Though that should make my life easier, it doesn't! Today I was ready to flip out. I got all my parents bins out of their storage closet. Each bin was nested tightly into the other, so it literally took me an hour to separate the bins. It is 4:30pm, and I am still cleaning dust and dirt out of the bins. As I plan on using these bins like packing boxes. I am thrilled I found these bins, because I have yet to have a free moment to buy packing boxes for my parents. Instead, I will fill each of these bins with non-breakable items. I plan on having the movers do all the breakables, so they will cover any damages if they occur. 

While I was in the garage dealing with bins, my dad's caregiver came out and asked me for a lightbulb. Not for our home, but for her own home. She noticed a particular bulb we had in our storage closet and she said she needed it for her home (if we weren't going to use it). I literally unpacked the two bins that I had just loaded with bulbs to accommodate her request. This is the kind of stuff you deal with whenever you have someone else in your home. Which is why I am truly NOT looking forward to having caregivers in my home. 

No matter how lovely the caregiver is, you have to work around them, their schedule, questions, small talk and the list goes on. This caregiver today started talking with me about things in the house she felt needed to be cleaned. Again, if I saw something needed to be cleaned, I would just do it. She sees I am doing twenty things at one time, why not step up and help. Less commentary, more action.

Any case, I am going back to the garage of bins, with the hope that I can begin filling them tonight. Mind you I have been throwing things out (which involved needing my neighbor's garbage cans too) and making donation piles. There is just not enough hours in a day and I realize there is only one of me. If I could focus on packing, I would have half a chance, but I am balancing phone calls to deal with change of address requests, doctor appointments, taking my parents out to lunch and the list goes on. 

Monday, November 29, 2021

Monday, November 29, 2021 

Tonight's picture was taken on November 28, 2008. Mattie was home from the hospital and despite the fact that we were dealing with cancer and a host of psychological issues, we still kept the holiday light tradition. Peter and Mattie would work the day after Thanksgiving to create a special creation, which brightened all of our Decembers. Peter and I haven't decorated for Christmas since 2008. Thirteen years of no Christmas in our home. Given that my parents are moving in with us, we will most likely dust off our decorations and celebrate Christmas once again in our home. This is a big change, since for me the holiday died in 2009 with Mattie. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 48,429,713
• Number of people who died from the virus: 778,232

Today did not go how I planned it. My plan was to go out this morning while my dad's caregiver was here to run chores. Chaos ensued and I never left the house. My mom wanted to change her address for social security, which also impacted Medicare. I tried to change her address on-line, by establishing her an on-line account. It did not work and therefore I had to proceed to a phone call. Have you ever tried calling Social Security? It's an experience. For the first call I was on hold for 90 minutes. After 90 minutes, the call dropped (which the recording on the Social Security phone line prepared the listener by saying this could happen) and I had to call back and wait in cue again. The second time I waited an hour until a representative appeared. Fortunately it was a lovely lady who helped me with both my parents' account. But here's the kicker. The address on file with the agency was where my parents lived two houses ago. Meaning their address from 2018. In 2018, I moved them out of their house into another house. Then in 2020, I moved them again to where they are now. So for almost three years now, Social Security did not have their updated address. 

Literally the entire time my dad's caregiver was here, I was on the phone with Social Security. Yes I got their address updated, but I accomplished nothing else. Meanwhile I know that the movers are coming to pack up things on Monday, a week from today. The clock is ticking and I can't find time to even purchase packing boxes. I am very frustrated. 

After this ordeal, we then went to mail items I packed up for my parents. I packed things last night and addressed them. When I got to the mailing company, I realized I wrote my address wrong. Instead of 3100, I wrote 31. I was besides myself especially when I see my dad's cognitive decline. I naturally think I am losing it too. In any case, I corrected the issue and the packages are on their way. From there, we went to the bank. Though I thought I was on my parent's bank account, I turn out NOT to be. Despite having all the legal paperwork, including durable power of attorney. The bank wouldn't add me to their account, without seeing the legal paperwork. Not just a copy, they want to see the original documents. I wanted to scream, but held it together, as the banker was trying to help us. So I did find the original forms that I fortunately filed in my mom's cabinet over the summer. But that means I now need to go back to the bank. We did update their new address and order them new checks. Got to celebrate the small things.

I am signing off now, because I want to focus on drawers and closets and begin to make piles to pack. Fortunately one of my dad's caregivers is willing to take anything we wish to leave behind. A major, major help, so I don't need to work about where to donate items. As this caregiver is associated with many non-profits, and I know the items will go to good use. 

Sunday, November 28, 2021

Sunday, November 28, 2021 

Today's photo was taken on November 23, 2008. Just 11 days after Mattie's second limb salvaging surgery. Mattie was released from the hospital, so he could be home for Thanksgiving. It was a Thanksgiving NOT to be forgotten as Mattie was truly miserable and his PTSD symptoms were beyond noticeable and extremely difficult for Peter and me to manage. As you can see Nurse Patches, my affectionate name for our calico cat, was on the scene and keeping a close eye on Mattie. The best cat ever! What you might not be able to tell was Mattie's hospital bed was in our living room and our home truly looked like a mini hospital. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins. 

• Number of people diagnosed with the virus: 48,229,210
• Number of people who died from the virus: 776,639

I ran around this morning doing chores. One of which involved me driving to a part of the LA valley that I am not familiar with, of course I got lost. I was following my WAZE app but what it did not happen to mention was the fact that I had to stay left to remain on the Interstate 5 freeway. Given that my exit was coming up, I remained in the right lane. Big mistake, I landed on a totally different freeway and then had to find my back. Not easy in LA, because once you make an error, it is very hard to get off, turn around, and get going in the right direction. In my opinion this is not a forgiving place to drive. You either have to know where you are going, or you are going to have a problem. I did manage, but it's my pattern.... when I get lost, I call Peter. I can't tell you how many times he has helped me navigate, regardless of what state I am in. He is used to my panic phone calls. 

Later this afternoon, we had a late lunch at the Smoke House. This is a legendary restaurant. The Smoke House was built at the end of WWII and is one of the few L.A. restaurants of that era to survive to today. It has the décor and aura of a different age and has grown steadily with the growth of the movie industry and through word of mouth in the Burbank community. When I look at this photo, it reminds me of a scene from an I Love Lucy episode. It turns out that all the Hollywood photos hanging on the walls represent all the stars who used to dine at this restaurant. 

The table behind us had a family of about six people, which included a little girl about 5 or 6 and a child in a car seat. I couldn't see this child, but one of the mom's was playing videos on her phone for the child in the car seat. The volume however was deafening. I mean very loud. It was so loud, my ears were ringing. My parents and I tried to ignore it and continued along with our meal. However, while eating, management came over to talk with the mom with the blaring videos. When she was asked to turn the volume down, the mom said that her child is hard of hearing and practically deaf, so the volume has to be loud. The manager truly was stunned and had no response. Of course none of us were expecting this information. We just don't expect children to have physical health issues, but one I heard this mom tell the manager about her child, it all made sense to me. I am so glad we did not say anything to this family or complain. It was like I sensed something wasn't right and that there was a good explanation for such a loud volume. 

After the manager left, I overheard this mom telling the other members of her dining party about the baby's birth, the fact that the baby was born and lived in a NICU for two months, and the challenges she and the baby faced. I could tell this mom needed to talk and to be heard, but unfortunately the people she was dining with did not really want to hear her story. In any case after they had their meal, as they were getting up and leaving  the restaurant this mom with the baby with hearing issues, came over to thank us. My parents did not understand why, but I got it immediately! She was thanking us for coping with the loud videos and for not saying anything or calling her out. 

Meanwhile, my dad had a full meal. After he ate, my mom asked him.... what did you eat? His response was an omelet. We said no and asked him to guess again. Needless to say, he did not remember. My dad's memory has rapidly declined from when I saw him last in April of this year. In fact, I think I showed up here just in time, because both of my parents need support. It is clear that my monthly visits, prior to us buying a house, made a real difference and probably allowed them to stay in their California rental for as long as they did.