Friday, July 11, 2025Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2008, weeks before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. In this particular photo, Mattie was showing me that one of his teeth was loose. This was a very exciting event for Mattie. In fact, I bought Mattie a cute fairy tooth box in Florida, for him to place a tooth by his bedside. Mattie always wrote a note to the fairy and left it by the box. The note made certain requests, as he did not want money. Mattie wanted all sorts of things. One time he asked for a pasta necklace! Truly, you had to love him!
Quote of the day: Don't have doubt when things are done by faith. ~ While driving today, one of the churches I passed, had this quote out front. It spoke to me!
Just when I think life can't get any harder, I rise to the occasion. Recap, I took my dad to the ER on Wednesday night. After spending six hours there, despite my greatest efforts, the ER doctor felt my dad did not meet criteria for a hospital admission. I told her I highly disagreed with her and that sometimes she has to look beyond the data and listen to family reports! I am NOT the kind of person who is looking to run and dump my father in a hospital. I take him there, because I know something is seriously wrong with him. Any case, after she discharged us Thursday morning at 4am, I told her, that I had a feeling he would be back!
Sure enough, I was sleeping soundly this morning, when my bedroom door flung open and my mom was screaming at 2am. Apparently my dad got up to go to the bathroom, and while trying to get out of bed, he fell on the floor. She tried to get him up, but couldn't so she ran for me. Truthfully when she came in the room, I was dazed and confused. I jumped up, ran into their bedroom, and tried everything possible to get my dad upright and potentially to stand. Then I realized, STOP! I have no idea how injured he was. So I instructed my mom to get dressed quickly, because I had to call an ambulance. Before I called 911, I threw on clothes. If you know me.... then you know I can't start my day without making my bed, taking a shower, washing my hair, and putting on makeup! Today, I did none of these things. Seriously I go no where without make up on, and to me without it, I feel uncomfortable and not fully dressed. But there was no time for anything.
While I was calling 911 and scrambling around frantically packing things for the hospital, I could hear that my mom started the shower and was beginning her morning routine. With no true understanding for the crisis at hand. I couldn't focus on her, because I was juggling my dad on the floor and packing! Within less than 10 minutes a team of 6 paramedics showed up at my doorstep. They were fantastic! They wanted to take my dad to our local hospital. I said no! I explained to them that we were just in the ER and I wanted to go back to that hospital. I wasn't going to take NO for an answer. When I reach the point of saying NO, trust me, you can't move me! I am laser focused and am going to get exactly what I am passionate about!

The paramedics assessed my dad and got him up and into this amazing chair. A stair chair! Do you see the gears on the back. They literally cling to the stairs and go down it like a gear on a track! They did not even make a scratch on my wood stairs. Truthfully it was awesome to see! They were grace under pressure! But here is the irony! I maybe an emotional person, but in a crisis, I am calm and a problem solver. I really never knew this about myself, until Mattie got sick. Thankfully I am like this because a lot of stress falls on my shoulders.Once my dad was in the ambulance, I had to turn my attention to my mom. I had to explain to her that she had to get it together, this is not the time to do her regular morning routine. That I had to explain this was frustrating. But I knew I had to get to the hospital ASAP, because my dad can't explain anything for himself. Case in point, when they asked him why he was in the ER, his response was.... I have a runny nose! He did not remember being in the ER the night before or even falling today! The paramedics also traveled to the hospital with my dad's ID, and I was determined to find the ID immediately upon arrival.
When we arrived at the ER at 3am, there wasn't much activity going on. Yet the woman at the front deck was helping another patient. I tried to be patient, but then I literally jumped in and told her, I need to get inside ASAP.
When I got to my dad's room, he was disoriented and confused. I immediately pressed the nurse call light and wasn't waiting to be greeted. When the nurse came in, he had no idea what hit him. I told him what transpired the night before and I also said, because he wasn't admitted on Wednesday like he should have been, my dad fell, and I hold them accountable. I also told him, I do not care about their data, that I wasn't leaving that ER until my dad was admitted.
Literally we waited around until 7:30am, when the change of shift happened. It was that point I met Jonathan, a nurse. Jonathan was listening to my mom and I talking and how distraught we were. Jonathan then introduced me to ER leadership, and once I explained our case, it was like I lit a fire under a bundle of wood. Things started to happen.
We waited in the ER 12 hours, before being admitted into the hospital. Before being admitted, the hospitalist came to chat with us. He was a lovely and compassionate doctor, who understood our plight but also painted a sobering picture for me. He basically said that my dad has a virus. So there is no medical treatment for a virus, other than managing symptoms. Because of my dad's age, recovering from a virus could take weeks to a month. He also said this meant that his admission to the hospital will not solve his problem, as he can only stay a few days and this most likely will not cure his viral symptoms. On top of that, when my dad fell, he did not break anything, but he definitely has caused muscular damage. Even touching him, he starts screaming. I am not only dealing with a patient who is sick, physical exhausted, but now a patient who can't physically move without being in terrible pain. The fall compounded the issues! Therefore, the doctor is preparing me that my dad will need rehab care and most likely can't return home right away. All the things I do not want to hear.
When all of this happens, I feel beyond devastated! I am devastated that I am facing countless crises without my husband, I am devastated that my husband wanted my parents to move in with us, and yet now I am the one managing these issues alone, and I am devastated seeing the demise of my father.
There were two bright spots to the day. The man who transported us from the ER to the fifth floor unit, was a sheer delight. He was born in another country and discussed the opportunities America gave him, but then we also talked about the beauty and the challenges of the cell phone and how it regulates our lives. He was deeply impressed with my care of my parents and my decision to be a caregiver. That meant a lot to me. Then we were admitted to the fifth floor. I have been through MANY hospital admissions in my life, but this one was done by the A team. They were so thorough, so compassionate, and also provided a ray of hope. Each room on the fifth floor, has a TV playing with serene nature images and soothing music. I swear I thought I was entering a spa! I felt very at ease knowing that I was leaving my dad in their care. They did everything from exam his skin, learn about his situation and lifestyle, understand his dementia needs (that was a first for me!), and asked about what kinds of help he needs eating (also a first, no one has ever asked me this), and then the nurse said to my dad.... I hope one day that I have a daughter like yours who cares for me if I should have trouble remembering things. Her comment remains with me, because what she is expressing is my greatest fear, I lost Mattie and then I lost my husband..... the two people in my world who I thought would always be there for me.
Any case, I am hoping my dad will remain in the hospital until Monday. I have arranged for the hospital's acute care facility (an intensive, inpatient program focused on helping individuals recover from serious illnesses, injuries, or surgeries) to evaluate my dad on Monday, but I am preparing myself for their denial, since they will view my dad as not highly functioning enough for their services, and then I have big decisions to make. But frankly, in the last two days, I have had four hours of sleep. I am exhausted, disillusioned, and deeply saddened by the countless losses I am facing.