Thursday, July 20, 2017

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2009. About a month before we learned that Mattie's condition was terminal. Rather ironic how one's life can change in a few weeks time. This photo wasn't taken by me, but by one of Mattie's art therapists. I am in the background behind Mattie. However, this was a fascinating photo because a lot was happening around the art table in clinic. The man in yellow is Bob Weiman (Mattie's head of the lower school) or as so many of us call him, "the Magic Man." Bob came to visit Mattie frequently in the Hospital and taught Mattie numerous magic tricks. These lessons were SO IMPORTANT for Mattie. Almost therapeutic, because Mattie was limited physically from doing other activities. However, despite having both arms operated on, Mattie had the manual dexterity to learn and perform the tricks. Next to Mattie in blue was his friend Maya. Maya was Mattie's age, and was the only same aged child Mattie ever became friends with at the Hospital. I attribute this to the fact that they were both very bright and had a witty personality. Talking to me in the background was Jocelyn. You can't really see her, but she was there. Jocelyn was a young adult battling osteosarcoma and became a real pal to Mattie. When Jocelyn died, "the Magic Man" was impacted too, because Bob had interacted numerous times with Jocelyn. Hard to imagine that two young people are now gone from this photo. 


Quote of the day: Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars. ~ Kahlil Gibran

I was talking to a friend today about another child we know who is being treated for osteosarcoma. In fact, this child had his first limb salvaging surgery yesterday. What stunned me was she said the child was admitted to a regular hospital floor post-surgery and was even up and eating chicken soup. Literally I practically LOST IT!

Certainly there is Vicki the rational person and then there is Vicki, who will always be Mattie's mom. Naturally the Mattie's mom instinct kicked into gear when hearing this! I was truly perplexed how this child could be doing so well and eating! The photo I am showing you was Mattie two days after his first limb salvaging surgery. This was the FIRST time out of bed and his room. It took myself, all the child life interns, and Mattie's art therapist to assist with this event. An event was indeed the right terminology. 

I can get upset with myself after my reactions, because in all reality, shouldn't I be HAPPY that this other child I heard about today is doing SO WELL? Shouldn't I be thrilled by this news?! Well the answer from a human perspective, is OF COURSE I am happy for the other child, but this is the challenge of an issue being so personal. It is hard at times to separate the help I provide as a Foundation leader from the closeness I feel about the disease. 

I can NEVER forget Mattie's ordeal. Fortunately I had the where with all back then, despite being SO STRESSED out, to write Mattie's blog every day and report on the process and how Mattie and all three of us were doing. Which is why tonight, I turned to the blog, specifically to October 21, 2008, the first day after Mattie's FIRST limb salvaging surgery. Take a look at what the first post-op day looked like for us. After you read below, you may understand why I am SO perplexed over the news I heard today.

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October 21, 2008 (1 day after surgery)--- lifted from the blog:

It is around 2am, and we are not getting much sleep here. Mattie is running an 100.8 degree fever, and they have decided to run a culture of his blood to rule out other infections. In addition, Mattie is very uncomfortable and is now on Fentenol and Versed in addition to the continuous perineural drip. There is something about this hour of the morning that makes things seem more pronounced, scary, and daunting. Mattie told me that it feels like we are killing him. But we explained that all this pain was very normal, and it is a matter of finding the right balance of pain medication. Everyone is trying very hard to make Mattie comfortable, and we feel supported as we plow through the night. However, Mattie is not enjoying the catheter much nor does he like the fact that he has two IV lines in his left arm. As he becomes more agitated, he wants to move his body. Which we are encouraging him not to do right now. But he held our hands tonight with his right hand, which seems to be swollen, but functioning quite well considering the major surgery he had. I sit here worried about this fever, and of course wondering how we are going to manage the pain, since he complains every 15 minutes of pain. Mattie is bandaged up on the right side, and has a drainage tube and the perineural coming out of the bandage. On the left arm he has two IVs, and he also has a catheter to collect urine. So movement is not an easy process for him, and as we move into Tuesday morning, I wonder how on earth he will accept his current state, and better yet, how will we help him when we are both wiped out? All great questions, and hopefully I will be able to give you the answers as the day unfolds.

It is around 3:45am, and we are still struggling at managing Mattie's pain. They have now ordered a continuous IV drip of fentenol, in hopes of helping Mattie. When I asked him to describe his pain on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest, he selected 5. He is still running a fever as well.

It is 12:30pm, I will try to recap the morning. At 5:30am, they finally got the continuous drip of Fentenol going. It was at that point where we got some peace (why Bob's suggestion for a PCA wasn't done is beyond me, but again this is what happens when you are in a system, and you have to follow certain protocols or chains of command). But at 8:30am, Mattie was in pain again, and he is good at describing his pain, and he never yells or screams. Well being hoarse from being intubated during surgery may impact this lack of screaming, but he is excellent telling us when he needs pain meds administered. Around 11am, the PICU doctors rounded. What does this mean? Well it is literally like a pow pow outside your room door. In attendance is the PICU attending, our HEM/ONC attending, residents, nurses, and our nutritionist, Ellen. Linda stayed with Mattie while we attended this meeting right outside our door. Being in the mental health field I am very cognizant of confidentiality and HIPAA issues. I am always in amazement how such a round, discussing vital patient information, can take place right in the middle of the hallway. But I digress. So Peter and I listened to what the doctors were reporting. Frankly, Peter is a lot better at this than I am. I am far from dispassionate when it comes to Mattie. If I were listening to the report on someone else, then I am sure this factoid report, with NO emotion, would have been just fine. But it was FAR from fine as a mother of the patient. I was so insensed by the whole meeting and how it was conducted, that I told Peter right in front of the doctor that I did not find this meeting productive or helpful to me, and I left. I am in no way qualified to tell a doctor with years of experience how to manage or run his team or staff. But I feel I am very qualified to express how his cold demeanor impacts me, a family member. Any case after the round, Julie (Mattie's nurse) came in to remove Mattie's catheter and Arterial line (which looks like an IV in his left wrist). The arterial line was internally taking Mattie's blood pressure every 10 minutes or so. It was a blessing to get this line taken out, because Mattie's left hand was basically immobilized on a plank or splint. Currently, Mattie is sleeping, but it is our hopes of getting him out of bed today. He needs to move around, because of his swallow breathing, his lungs are not getting enough oxygen. The aftermath of surgery isn't a pretty picture. But I have wonderful news to report. Bob was very humble yesterday, and he did not tell me this per se, but Mattie's attending oncologist today told us how important it was for Bob to remove Mattie's tumorous bone intact. In fact, when they see Bob's surgerical pictures, they are all in amazement. In amazement because Bob's work is clean, orderly, neat, and appears to have really cleaned out the area of anything that looks cancerous. To me that was such excellent news, and you need excellent news like this, in order to get through the hours of watching your child immobile, in pain, and with tubes coming out of him in every direction.

It is now 4:20pm and we just met with Dr. Gonzales. We shared with Dr. Gonzales our concerns about Mattie not being on a PCA (patient controlled anagelsia). Some of you may recall the coordinated care meeting we had with Dr. Bob Henshaw and several other professionals prior to Mattie's surgery last Wednesday. Within that meeting, Bob discussed with us a PCA. It was our understanding we were going to have one for Mattie right after the surgery, to help manage the pain. However, the anesthesiologist assessed that there could be a safety issue if Mattie obtained a PCA. The safety issue was that Peter or I would push the pain pump for Mattie, rather than Mattie doing it for himself. What became a simple dialogue turned into a decision that I believe wasn't in Mattie's best interest. Mattie did not receive access to continual narcotic pain medication until 5:30am today. So we told Dr. Gonzales about our expectations and what we felt transpired in the pre-op area. Dr. Gonzales then spoke to the anesthesiologist and advocated on our behalf. The beauty of the PCA is Mattie can dictate when to push the pump and receive medication when he is in pain. Therefore, he will only get this narcotic if and when he feels he has pain, and it won't be floating in his system 24 hours a day. It will be used only when he needs it. I am happy with the way this was resolved and I am hoping that Peter and I can help Mattie learn this new system.

It is now 10:30pm, and Peter and I are thoroughly worn out. How Peter is going to work tomorrow is beyond my comprehension. We had virtually NO sleep last night (Monday), and who knows what tonight holds. Peter and I have been struggling all day with pain management issues. Dr. Bob Henshaw (Mattie's surgeon) came to visit Mattie this evening and felt that Mattie looked overly sedated and sleepy. Of course this is wonderful from the pain management standpoint, however, from a recovery stand point it isn't so great. Mattie is too tired to talk, attempt to eat, move, and so forth. Peter and I are learning that there are different camps of thinking about how pain management is administered. By tonight, our patience was frayed and we finally spoke with an anesthesiologist resident who worked hard at coordinating Mattie's team regarding the administration of pain meds. Folks from Georgetown came up to talk with us about the dangers of upping the dosage of Mattie's perineural, contrary to Bob's advice. Peter and I are tired, confused, and feel that these folks need to coordinate Mattie's pain care better so they are on the same page, and we are not left to understand this at 10:30pm. I think we currently have a plan, but right now Peter and I are sitting on the edge because Mattie's blood pressure has shot through the roof. We are trying to figure out what is causing this high blood pressure.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken on July 24, 2008, the day after Mattie was diagnosed with cancer! When you look at that face, to me he didn't look like he had cancer. Mattie had rosy cheeks and other than arm pain, the rest of him looked fine. Looks are deceiving. That day we brought Mattie into the outpatient clinic at the hospital. Alongside his art therapists, he built the boat you see floating in our tub out of a box. Mattie loved boxes, and his therapists learned that lesson quickly. Naturally the therapists had just met Mattie, but Mattie loved to create, and within a few weeks, the art therapists became his close friends. 


Quote of the day: Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for changes. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 


I went to the hospital today to push around our Mattie Miracle snack/item cart through the three pediatric units. I try to do this once a month for many reasons. First and foremost, I want to see the cart in motion and interact with the families in the units. Second, I want to see what items are popular and needed. 

Some parents who have lost a child to cancer refuse to return to the hospital, much less ever visit the floor their child was treated on. For years now, I have been visiting the 5th floor of the hospital without a problem. The memories of Mattie's presence on that floor never bothered me and when you live in a place day in and day out for over a year, which was what we did when Mattie was battling cancer, it becomes NORMAL to you. So the physical space doesn't bother me and seeing the patient rooms is also okay. When I push the snack cart around through the units, I am naturally going into rooms, rooms Mattie once occupied. Rooms which hold a lot of memories, not to mention room #10 in the PICU, where Mattie died. This is a room I will never forget.  

Yet I have noticed for the past few visits after I push the cart I am agitated. Why? Well I had to think about that today. It isn't like the space bothers me, nor seeing sick kids is a problem (doesn't that sound awful, that I should be okay with this!). I think I can say this, because with Mattie I saw it all, so not much is going to shock me, or even wear me down. But what does wear me down is seeing a place change. As Goethe's quote points out, change is inevitable and part of living. I totally agree, but some changes are harder to swallow and accept. When I see most of the staff who used to work with Mattie and me gone, it signals to me that the institutional knowledge that housed Mattie's battle, that understood what Mattie was like as a child, and knew about our struggles as a family is all gone. In a way, when I push the cart now, I am just some lady visiting the hospital, pushing an orange cart. I am no longer Mattie's mom to the staff I see. So all of this greatly saddens me, because it is the people who make up an institution, not the walls and facility. It almost feels like Mattie never existed in these hospital units because I have few people left to remember those moments and to keep his memory alive. 

Sure you could say Mattie has been dead for almost 8 years now. But in my opinion that is just a number. It doesn't mean that reflecting and sharing memories is any less important. In fact, I would almost say it is MORE important. So the question is, what to do with these feelings? How to manage such changes? After all, I need to answer both questions, if I am going to be able to visit the hospital monthly. These are today's feelings, but I would say each day I am faced with the same question... how am I going to manage__________ (fill in the blank). Losing a child can paralyze you as a parent so much so, that you are constantly analyzing, re-evaluating, and trying to figure out your place in the world. 

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Tuesday, July 18, 2017 -- Mattie died 409 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2002. Mattie was five months old and as you can see was now sitting in a high chair to eat. The month before, Mattie wanted nothing to do with the chair. A month later he tolerated the chair but preferred it without the table! It was a gradual process with Mattie, but as I learned it was important to do things on Mattie's time! It was what worked and as a parent I did what worked for Mattie, not what worked for me or some pediatric theory and timeline. 

Quote of the day: The truest help we can render an afflicted man is not to take his burden from him, but to call out his best energy, that he may be able to bear the burden. ~ Phillips Brooks

I had the opportunity to have lunch today with my friend Junko.  This is a photo of Junko from our 2015 Walk & Family Festival. Junko works with my lifetime friend, Karen, at coordinating our volunteers on the day of the Walk.  Since we have over 60 volunteers this can be a challenge. 

But how did I meet Junko? Well Junko and I met the summer of 2007, right before Mattie was going to enter kindergarten. I decided to enroll Mattie in a part time summer camp that year at his new school, in order to help him adjust to kindergarten in the Fall. I figured if he was on the campus and interacting with some of the same teachers he would see in the Fall, it would help with the transition. Keep in mind Mattie LOVED his preschool and did not want to go to a new school.

Junko's son, Kazu, was enrolled in the same summer camp as Mattie, as like me, she wanted to help her son adjust to this new campus environment. On the first day of summer camp, I literally walked Mattie right into the building. Yes I was the over anxious and protective parent and wanted to know where he was going to be and who was going to be leading his camp session. Mattie was shy and really did not want me to leave and I would say the first day or so, camp was VERY difficult for him. However, by the third day, as I marched Mattie into the classroom, I looked around and assessed the other kids in the room. It was a camp geared for 5-7 year olds and there had to be at least 20-25 kids in the gym running around (even I found it overwhelming). Many of these kids knew one another already, so I could see Mattie was the odd kid out. However, I saw a kid standing alone and not interacting with anyone. So I went up to him. I asked him what his name was and whether he would like to play with Mattie. He told me his name was Kazu and wasn't sure what to do next, but Mattie moved along side Kazu, and I figured perhaps they would stay together. There is strength in pairs.  

This camp was two weeks long. By the second week, while picking Mattie up, I had a mom chasing after me in the parking lot. Who was it? But Junko! She wanted to track me down because Kazu told her what I did in the classroom, and she was thrilled that her son was now paired up with Mattie. She said this made the summer camp experience for her son, and therefore for her. So literally our friendship started over Mattie! Mattie connected me with many wonderful people. 

When Mattie was diagnosed with cancer, Junko came at least once a month to visit us in the hospital. Unlike all our other visitors, Junko came to truly meet my ever growing needs. Naturally she brought food and toys for Mattie, but she coordinated it with child life so that we could have the lunch she brought for both of us in the family lounge and then she would give me a neck and back massage. Mean while, I knew Mattie was well taken care of while I was with Junko, since he loved Linda, his child life specialist. These many acts of kindness will never be forgotten, and to this day, Junko volunteers her time for the Foundation. 

Junko is a wonderful example of the amazing support community that we had while Mattie was battling cancer. Something that will never be forgotten. In fact, once Mattie died and this community dwindled, it was very hard to accept, adjust to, and come to turns with. The only thing I can equate this feeling to is being a pop star in Hollywood. For a moment in time you are on everyone's mind and in all conversations. Then as often happens, the fade dies down, and therefore so does that person's stardom and fame. In a way, this was what it felt like. When Mattie was battling cancer, everyone wanted to be a part of our lives and to help. Literally people tuned into the blog daily, with hundreds of visits per day. On surgery days, the visits were in the thousands. Whatever item we needed, we got five of them. It was truly incredible, to see people unite over Mattie. Yet after Mattie died, things began to change. There was no longer a little person to fight for to try to achieve a happy ending. All that was left was two broken parents, with a lifetime of grief ahead of them. Some people, even those closest to me (for 15+ years), abandoned ship. I live with both the beauty and the horror associated with childhood cancer, and as you can see I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE MEDICINE. I am reflecting on the social and emotional issues that have forever transformed my life. 

Monday, July 17, 2017

Monday, July 17, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2002. Mattie was three months old. It was recommended that babies at that age have back and tummy time. So I went with this theory for a while and then by a certain point, I said ENOUGH! Mattie truly disliked being on his back or stomach. He couldn't last in either position for more than a few minutes. He would start crying and seemed totally uncomfortable. Which may explain why he slept on my shoulder in an upright position for practically the first four months of his life. In any case what I learned about raising Mattie early on was that theories and bench marks were just that.... hypotheticals. Some children develop following their one time frame, and nothing is wrong with them. Yet trying to fit a child into a developmental mold and time frame only frustrates the child and the parent. 


Quote of the day: But even with the inspiration of others, it's understandable that we sometimes think the world's problems are so big that we can do little to help. On our own, we cannot end wars or wipe out injustice, but the cumulative impact of thousands of small acts of goodness can be bigger than we imagine. ~ Queen Elizabeth II

Yesterday I received an email from a friend I knew in graduate school, who now lives in North Carolina. She is in town, while her middle school aged son attends a conference. She asked if I had time to meet. Denise has followed our story with Mattie, which is good, because I don't like starting from ground zero with people.

I met Denise at Hank's Oyster Bar in Dupont Circle. How did I pick this restaurant? Easily because the owner of the restaurant supports Mattie Miracle. There is a Hank's Oyster Bar in Alexandria, VA as well, which is how I first became familiar with this restaurant group. 

Despite the heat (91 degrees with high humidity), I decided to walk from our home in Foggy Bottom to Dupont Circle. The walk took me 45 minutes each way. If I did not walk Sunny each day, I most likely wouldn't have the stamina for this, but with Sunny you walk in rain or shine! But I do think you need endurance to manage our DC heat. 

Any case while walking through the Dupont Circle neighborhood, I snapped some photos of flowers and buildings. 

This is the memorial in the middle of Dupont Circle. Being on foot I was actually able to read the statement carved into the stone around the memorial. Originally in the 1800s there used to be a statute here, but it was replaced by congress with this fountain. It honors Rear Admiral Samuel Francis 
Du Pont, a prominent American naval officer and member of the Du Pont family. 

 Glorious color no?

Hydrangeas bursting out to greet me!

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2002. Mattie was four months old and was starting to eat rice cereal. We had a high chair, but Mattie did not like it initially. So his first food experiences were on our couch. Propped up with pillows! One thing we learned quickly and that was Mattie LOVED rice cereal!


Quote of the day: Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day. ~ Sally Koch

It was in the 90s today and with high humidity. Walking outside and in the sunshine was actually debilitating. I typically like the summer, but walking a dog in it is actually more complicated than the winter. I never thought I would be saying this!!!

We took Sunny for a walk today on the National Mall. Sunny loves the Mall, because it is there that he chases squirrels. 

Peter and Sunny scouting out a squirrel!

In hot pursuit, running after a squirrel!

As we walked back home, we went through one of local gardens. 

However, once we got home, we introduced Sunny to the air conditioning vent on the floor. As smart as he is, he never thought to walk behind the furniture to sit on the grate before. But today as we coaxed him there, he finally sat down to get cool!

Meanwhile, this evening, as I was petting Sunny, I felt a bump on his neck. So I pushed aside his fur. To me it looked like another fatty deposit, but when Peter saw it, he pronounced it as a dead tick. I gave him my tweezers, and look what he pulled out! Sunny takes flea, tick, and heart worm preventatives monthly! This tick died and wasn't able to burrow into Sunny because he is on preventatives. The thing probably tried biting Sunny, but was poisoned thanks to NextGuard (Sunny's monthly flea and tick med)! 

Since we rescued Sunny and he was already heart worm positive, I learned the hard way the ramifications that can ensue if you don't give your dog its preventatives. Thankfully there is treatment for heart worm, though it is tedious and can be life threatening since it is an arsenic based product. Thankfully after three infusions of this nasty stuff, Sunny is now heart worm free. But what this showed me is that monthly preventatives are vital to the overall health of a dog. Today proved this point once again!

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2007, on our wedding anniversary. There was a lot going on in this photo. We had Mattie's big inflatable pool on the deck, which took over almost 2/3's of the space and we had Mattie's sandbox on the deck too (lower right hand corner, in green). If you look closely you can see Patches' (our calico cat) ears, as she used to like sitting outside with us. But why I am showing you this photo? Because on the table we had two goblets, one was blue and the other cranberry colored. On our anniversary we used to take these goblets out and toast the occasion. Why? Because these goblets belonged to my paternal grandparents, who were also married on July 15. 



Quote of the day: For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love. ~ Carl Sagan


Amazing after all these years! Today Peter and I celebrated our 22nd anniversary. We met each other 29 years ago, when we were teenagers. Marriages are always faced with challenges, but knowing that our union produced Mattie, who developed cancer and died, is the ultimate test of a relationship. However, some bonds can not be problem even by cancer.

If you were to ask Peter how we met, he would tell you the tale of our encounter in college. We were in the same dorm, and our floor had a common kitchen. While I was in the kitchen one day, he passed by whistling and playing with his soccer ball. Apparently he saw me, and instead of passing by came into the kitchen to talk with me. His opening line to me was.... "how is choir going?" At which point I looked at him and said..... "why do you want to know?" Peter then said, "because I am in choir with you." Honestly I don't remember seeing Peter in choir and I frankly did not believe him when he told me he was in choir. So at which point, Peter marched down the hallway to my friend Dave's room, as Dave was in choir with us. Peter woke Dave up and asked him whether he was in choir with us. Dave turned to me and said, "of course Vicki!"
Boy was I embarrassed! In any case, thanks to Peter's persistence, and he would also say the help to his TV.... since I liked watching Days of Our Lives each day, the rest is history!!!

When we got married in 1995, there was NO SUCH THING at digital photography. So literally we took a photo of a photo to share memories of our special day on this blog. 

Though we were living in Washington, DC in 1995, we decided to have our wedding in Scarsdale, NY, where I grew up and most of our family and friends lived. We even got married in the church we used to attend when I was living in New York. 

There was a lot of activity in my room before the wedding. Which of course included a photographer capturing these special moments. 

The day we got married it was over 100 degrees with humidity. I am not sure how any of us managed photos outside for what seemed like an hour. 

Peter and I with my parents. 

Peter and I with Peter's parents.

Me with my lifetime friend and maid of honor, Karen. Karen and I have known each other since 6th grade!

I still keep in contact with three out of my four bridesmaids. Karen is my lifetime friend from NY, and Jen and Colleen are wonderful friends I met when pursuing a master's degree at Boston College. My fourth bridesmaid is Christina, who we went to college with, but unfortunately we lost track of her when she moved to Colorado. 

Left to right: Jen, Karen, me, Colleen, and Christina

Peter and our groomsmen. 

Left to right: Rich (a childhood friend of Peter's), Dave (the same person who Peter woke up to prove we were in choir together), Peter, Chris (Peter's brother), and David (Jen's, one of our bridesmaids, husband)

All of us together standing outside in TREMENDOUS heat!

In honor of the day we went to Chez Francois. It is my favorite restaurant to celebrate special events and occasions. Their outdoor patio is like no other. It is so relaxing and peaceful, as you are surrounded by trees, beautiful plantings, and have hummingbirds and butterflies flying by. 

Peter and I both appreciate the stellar service at the restaurant. They follow old world traditions and they pace the meal so you are never rushed. Which is UNHEARD of today in our fast paced world. 

There are gardens and fountains that surround us. This was one of the scenes our table overlooked. 

Here was another scene I could see from our table. See the man in the background by the building. He was refilling the hummingbird feeders, and WOW were there many hummingbirds around us!

Another glorious table scene. I absolutely love the red chairs and umbrellas, perhaps because this is my favorite color. 

Now if you look at the center of this begonia, you will see black wings of a butterfly. We had many butterfly fly overs, which of course to me meant Mattie was with us. 

The way this restaurant works is that you get a four course lunch. You select an appetizer, you get a garden salad, followed by an entree of your choice, and dessert. 

Peter started with three different kinds of salmon. 

I started with gazpacho. It was delicious on a hot day. 

Then Peter had lamb. 

I had trout almondine. 

For special occasions the restaurant always brings you their ice cream covered in meringue. Typically I am not a meringue person, but theirs is STELLAR.

In addition to this dessert, came two others..... a chocolate souffle and a baked Alaska. 

One of the highlights of my dining experience there is ordering hot tea. Why? Because I am in love with their cute tea pots! What an elegant and refined way to be served tea! Rather than just a cup or worse a metal container with hot water.

We sat at our table for a couple of hours. Not rushed, in a tranquil environment and able to talk about all sorts of things together. Peter has a memory like a steel trap, so we talked about some of our vacations, reflections from our wedding day, and of course what life is like for us without Mattie. These are hard conversations, but yet we can discuss them without feeling blame or guilt. Which is a wonderful gift because some of what we have to say really wouldn't or couldn't be heard, understood, or appreciated by most people.  

Friday, July 14, 2017

Friday, July 14, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2002. Mattie was three months old and I had him on the couch propped up with pillows. To me his look was precious and priceless! Don't you just love his eyes and his look of inquisitiveness! If we only knew what he was thinking of!




Quote of the day: Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


Sunny went to the groomer's today. This is typically something he DOESN'T like doing. However, some things like staying clean are not negotiable. I have met the groomer several times and I like her and Sunny seems to have a rapport with her. He is just not thrilled with the facility that houses the groomer, which is why I won't board him there. In any case, when we entered the doggie day care today, the woman behind the front desk let out with a big "good morning Sunny Bunny!" With that Sunny's tail started wagging. It was the first time I saw him actually happy rather than bolting for the door. Naturally as soon as I turned around to leave him behind, he wanted to come with me. At the end of the day..... you should see how handsome he looks, not to mention smells so much better. Sunny gets groomed once a month and we have been doing this together since we got him in September of 2016. So 11 months of this, he should be getting used to the routine!

Typically on grooming days I have my licensure board meeting. But today's meeting was canceled. Nonetheless, I started my list of to dos..... starting with grocery shopping. Though we live in DC, we RARELY shop in DC. Because Mattie's preschool and elementary school were in Alexandria, this is typically where I do ALL our shopping. Rather funny if you think about it! In any case, as I was entering Safeway this morning, I heard someone say "hi Vicki." I turned around and it was one of my friends from Mattie's preschool. Alexandria City isn't a small place, but I swear you can't go anywhere there without bumping into someone. Totally NOT true in DC, which is a typical city. 

Any case, Safeway had a credit card processing problem this morning. Not just this store, but it was system wide. NO Safeway store was accepting credit or debit cards. Literally panic ensued in the store. People abandoned their shopping carts full of food right at the counter because they couldn't check out! I am telling you it was a scene. So much so, that while my friend and I were talking, we literally greeted each person coming into the store and alerted them about the credit card issue. I felt like Safeway should have hired us, because we literally created quite a greeting committee. 

Later in the day I met up with another friend from Mattie's preschool days. Mattie went to preschool 12 years ago, yet so many of these moms and I remain friends. I am not sure if that says something about the preschool, Mattie, me, or losing Mattie. Many of these preschool moms are also dedicated volunteers of the Foundation. Rather incredible if you think about it. However in both cases in the morning and the afternoon, I had the opportunity to listen to my friends as they were sharing thoughts, issues, and concerns. After both encounters, they told me how much they appreciated me. Mind you I gave them nothing more than my time, my ears, and my perspectives. I would say Eleanor Roosevelt was correct, as I know I receive joy (though not sure that is the word I'd use) from helping others. 

Later this afternoon, we had one of those incredible DC thunderstorms. Lightning, thunder, whipping wind, and rain. Rain going side ways. Not sure my picture does it justice. But at times it was like white out conditions, as we couldn't see buildings across the street from us. 

Meanwhile this was happening under my desk and on my feet. Sunny gets very scared by the thunder and lightning and heads for cover! Usually he goes into my walk in closet, but apparently hiding under the desk by my feet was today's safety plan! It reminds me of when I was going to high school in Los Angeles. In California you not only have fire drills, you also have earthquake drills. What you do in an earthquake is sit under a desk (because we were in school). The desk in theory will protect you from objects falling during a quake. Sunny transported me back to high school today.