Friday, February 5, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010

Tonight's photo was taken in December of 2006 when Mattie was four years old. Mattie went on a trip with us and my parents to Ft. Lauderdale to celebrate the New Year. Mattie loved everything about Ft. Lauderdale from its drawbridges to all its canals and boats. Mattie looked forward to taking a walk each afternoon on our trip, because he wanted to watch the mechanics of the drawbridges. This fascinated him and of course we were all thrilled to have found something that stimulated and entertained Mattie at the same time. I am happy Mattie went on many trips in his short life and I am happy we can reflect on these memories.

Poem of the day: Pennies from Heaven


I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground
But it is not just a penny
This little coin I've found...
Found pennies come from heaven
That's what my grandpa once told me
He said angels toss them down
Oh how I loved that story...
He said when an angel misses you
They toss a penny down
Sometimes just to cheer you up
And make a smile out of your frown...
So don't pass by that penny
When you are feeling blue
It may be a penny from heaven
That an angel has tossed to you.

I have never heard of this story, "pennies from heaven." But the ironic part is I have seen many pennies on the ground recently. It would be very special to think that my little angel tossed them down for me to find. It has given me a whole new way of looking at a found penny.

Peter and I have travelled independently before for work reasons. However, in the history of our marriage we never took separate vacations or personal trips. So today was a first. Both of us needed the chance to get away from our daily pain, so we embraced these opportunities. Nonetheless, Peter and I both acknowledge that despite our pain, we are important to each other, and appreciate the reality for a healthy break from the stresses of our daily memories and routine.

I am happy to report that Peter and I both landed safely. Peter is in West Palm Beach and it sounds like he is enjoying the 70 degree temperatures! I was actually so happy to hear this, and even happier to hear that he was connecting with all of his Arthur Andersen buddies. Peter needs this change of scenery and the time to socially connect with friends! This brings me great happiness to hear his energy.

Ann and I flew to Los Angeles. The flight was oversold and initially we weren't sitting together. But that did not stop us from making a request. We went right up to the desk and asked for two seats together. I expected the airline representative to laugh at us, because this flight was oversold, and had 20 people on standby. But somehow, she was able to accommodate us, which made the flight go much faster. We literally talked for five hours straight, about all sorts of things. I realize that in Washington, DC there is a huge winter storm underway, and I can appreciate being away from the snow, but I must say I am disappointed that it is in the 50s in LA and raining. Certainly better than 30 inches of snow, so I am trying to put it into perspective.

When we landed in LA, and disembarked from the plane, I was in a terminal of the airport I did not recognize. I immediately felt better about this somehow, because this was a part of the airport I never travelled with Mattie. I missed my traveling buddy today, and I am sure as my parents greeted me at the airport, they too missed Mattie's presence. He isn't physically with me, but he is here in spirit. I had a nice time this afternoon chatting with my parents. We talked throughout the car trip home, and then went out for an early dinner. We visited one of Mattie's favorite restaurants. What he liked about this restaurant was the fountain in its outdoor patio. As we passed the fountain today, I couldn't help but think of Mattie and remember all the times he played with the water. It is hard to believe that almost two years ago, he was standing right by this fountain.
I am enjoying this time to connect with my parents and filling them in on many of the things in my life that are not blog worthy. There is nothing like face to face conversation. In the midst of my travels, it is still very special to receive e-mails from my friends today. Alison, a vital leader in Team Mattie, sent me a message today to check in. She is keeping me posted on the snow and then let me know that her son, Paul, a friend of Mattie's, decided to wear his Mattie Miracle walk t-shirt today. Paul wanted to wear the shirt because he felt Mattie "would have wanted to play in the snow!" I am truly touched how Mattie's memory is being kept alive and how Paul uses the shirt to be connected to his buddy. Simply lovely!

My mom sent me this story earlier in the week. I thought tonight would be the perfect time to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
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The Rainbow Connection by Virginia R. Sardi


I have an analytical nature and have never shown any inclination to “read the tea leaves” as a guide to interpreting events in life. Lately my thinking has undergone a profound change in that I find deeper meaning in experiences that I once found coincidental and dismissed as fortuitous, without searching for a deeper meaning. Now, I feel that by connecting the dots and opening my mind to the possibilities that exist beyond the five senses, there is a spiritual message to be found whose meaning when deciphered is sent deliberately from a loved one who has passed on from this life.

On Saturday, while in church, I prayed that God would give me a sign that Mattie was happy in heaven. It would mean so much to me to have that consolation after his terrible ordeal here on earth during the final days of his life. Here is what happened and how the week has gone so far. We have not had rain in California for several years. Yes, we’ve had a few drops every now and then, but no significant rainfall. This week has changed all that. We have had rainstorms dumping 3to 5 inches of rain almost every day with fierce winds, tornadoes, water spouts, lightning, thunder and hail. Positively unheard of weather but hey, this is California. Everything that happens here is big and noteworthy! I’ve often said that even though we do not have the four traditional seasons like other parts of the country, we have the seasons of earthquakes, fires, mud slides and floods. Mauro and I were experiencing cabin fever after a long stint at home so after one of these terrible storms let up a little bit, we decided to go our favorite Russian tea room near our house. Just as we were about to park the car, the sun came out and lo and behold, there was a glorious rainbow, brilliant and extraordinary hanging over the foothills of Burbank. I have never seen one in California and I have lived here 25 years. I was excited, got out of the car and stood there in amazement. If Mattie were to give me a sign from heaven, would he not choose something big, bright, colorful and awesome like a rainbow? He always loved nature; the sun, the moon, the stars and the planets. I asked for a sign on Saturday and got a rainbow on Tuesday! My heart would like to think that Mattie sent that rainbow directly to me but my mind has found a more plausible explanation for this truly remarkable event after days of wet, dreary, gray and gloomy days of unending torrential rain. The miracle lies in Mattie’s earthly life and his profound ability to affect people and give them the gift of seeing through his eyes. Watching that rainbow reminded me of the awesome power of his imagination to transform ordinary events into moments to remember and, I realized, he still had the power to do that through me because I am forever changed because of him.

We all know the power of Mattie to communicate love and hope through having connected with him in life and how he fought and lost his battle with cancer that became the impetus for bringing people together on a mission to cure pediatric cancer, a noble cause propelled by witnessing his courage and strength in the face of death. Mattie’s spirit will continue to lead us on in search of a better tomorrow for children stricken with pediatric cancer if we but remember that he is the rainbow connection to life that lives on in all of us who were lucky enough to have been touched by him while he was alive!
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I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "Animals are much more open and sensitive than we are so when Patches behaves in a way that is absolutely not her normal, something is definitely going on. I agree with you that it was likely Mattie's spirit with you in the car, comforting her, especially if you felt him too. I see no reason why that should not be so. I can imagine how much heartache it brought you when you opened that luggage that you packed when you left the hospital that day almost five months ago. Perhaps instead of burning your hospital clothing, you could wash it and give it away and hopefully create a good deed with it in Mattie's memory. I wish you a safe and uneventful flight out to see your parents and I hope you find comfort in each others' presence."