Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2008. Mattie was in the hospital and that day he was paid a visit by Scooby Doo! This was a big deal for Mattie, as he LOVED Scooby! It turns out about two years after Mattie died, I met the dad of the young fellow who played Scooby Doo. I let his dad know how special his son's visit was to Mattie, and it is something I will never forget. The kindness of volunteers in the hospital.... they are incredible people!
Quote of the day: Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted. ~ Richard Wagner
The amount of money I have had to spend on getting divorced, something I never wanted, has been ludicrous. The reason I hired a lawyer in the Fall of 2023, was to try to understand the process, as well as slow down the process, in hopes that Peter would want to communicate and reconcile. I was devoted to our marriage, and unfortunately as I have found out, Peter was already checked out and involved with someone else. Every day, week, and month since Peter has left has been traumatic. Traumatic financially, traumatic physically, and traumatic emotionally. When some people divorce, there is at least peace of mind with financial stability. Not true in my case. Which only adds to the trauma.
This morning, I happened to review my credit card statement and I saw charges I did not understand. Starting with an on-line audio book company. I don't have time to do anything, must less listen to audio books. So I had to get down to the bottom of this as well as other charges, things that Peter had put on my credit cards while we were still married. As of today, these memberships were cancelled. This is how my day began. But it only got better.
I had to take my mom's car in for its annual service. When I got there, they had no loaner car for me, so I had to Uber back home. Which isn't my favorite thing to do. At this point in time, I need control over everything. I did not like sitting in the back seat, I did not like the smell in the car, and I could feel myself ready to jump out of my skin.
When I got home, I got a call from the dealership letting me know that the front and back brakes need replacement for the safety of the car. When he told me the price, I truly thought I was going to have a major melt down. I argued with him, because he kept insisting that this wasn't covered in our service warranty. I have to follow up with this tomorrow, when I get a hold of a live person with our warranty company! But truthfully everyday another shoe drops, a crisis arises, and I never feel financially stable. Of course Peter doesn't care one iota. I can't rely on him for help financially or emotionally. It is as if I was the worst wife and person ever. I am getting punished for 35 years of loyalty, commitment, and unconditional love.
After I picked my dad up at this memory care center today, we came home, and that is when I learned at 4:30pm, that our cable was out. In my household, that is a national crisis. I tried rebooting the cable box, I tried rebooting the router, modem, and even pulled out coax cables, dusted them off and reinserted them. Nothing worked. So I called Verizon. I waited in their cue for two hours! There were no messages or alerts of outages! So I assumed it was me. While waiting on hold, I used my other phone to call our Verizon tech. Yes I have his cell phone number! He clued me in about the regional outage! He said it wasn't me, and they are working for hours to resolve the problem. I am not sure what I would have done without this kind soul.
Meanwhile, while trying to solve this problem, my dad was asking me every five minutes about the cable.... example.... why isn't the tv working? Let's buy a new tv. REST. Repeat.... why isn't the tv working? Let's buy a new tv! Get the picture?! No matter how much I explained to him that it wasn't a tv issue, I got no where, other than infuriated! So I finally took out my iPad, downloaded the Verizon app, and got them to at least watch the news on the iPad. In the middle of juggling all of this, I had to cook dinner. Truthfully tonight I am so strung out, my heart feels like it could jump right out of my chest. The problem is, tomorrow will be exactly the same, as will the next day after that, and after that. This is how Peter has left me.... abandoned, betrayed, financially unstable, and balancing the job of ten people.
The highlight of my day, is I received an email from a fellow therapist. Years ago I helped her secure her therapy license. Today, she wrote to me and said.... "You are one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met. I went back to school after 30 years. It was scary. I was the oldest in the class and was initially treated dismissively. You were just wonderful!" She will never know this, but her email truthfully bought a smile to my face. This used to be me, the person who cared and looked out for the well-being of others. Now all I can do is put out figurative fires each and every day.
2 comments:
Vicki, if you're financially struggling, I am sure there are many readers who want to help, myself included. Can you post your Venmo info? Or can we start a Gofundme for you?
That is very sweet! I do not use Venmo, and at this point I am hesitant of many on line apps. The only money I raise is for Mattie Miracle. That is my passion and my baby, and I will always protect that FIRST! As for me personally, I range from being angry to being in total despair, not really caring what happens to me! Thank you for caring about me.
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