Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2008. Mattie was in his first month of treatment and was still able to run around and play with friends. Pictured with Mattie was his close buddy, Alex, from preschool. In the background was our neighbor JP and his dog, JJ. Mattie practically grew up with JJ. The boys were running in our commons space, a space we loved for over twenty years. There were many firsts in this space... walking, bicycle riding, driving "speedy red" and learning to fly a kite.
Quote of the day: Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create. ~ Roy T. Bennet
After my usual morning routine, I drove my parents to Arlington, VA so my dad and I could go to his speech therapy appointment. As of today, my dad has had four speech therapy sessions. The main focus has been to develop a daily log book for him so he can answer the SAME basic questions every day. Keeping it standardized helps him track the information from day to day. Of course the purpose of the log book is to help him remember what happens in any given day. My dad's memory is very, very compromised. Meaning something can happen one minute and about 2-5 minutes later he has NO MEMORY that anything happened. When I mean something, I am talking about for example....... going to the bathroom, watching a severe thunderstorm, or talking to someone. Within minutes, all these thing evaporate from his memory. Therefore, this makes note taking close to impossible.
I have become very frustrated over this daily log book, as it feels like I am the one doing the work. My dad can't recall anything, and I land up telling him what to write in the log. Today, I explained all of this to the therapist. As a therapist myself, I know we always have to ask ourselves.... why am I doing this? Who does it benefit? Me or the person I am helping? In my dad's case, I have wanted him to remember things, to be able to journal about them, but stepping back, I ask myself.... is this important to him? Does he like using the daily log book? Does he want to refer to it? The clear and unfortunate answers are NO! Which I need to accept!
I asked the therapist if the challenges I am having with the log book are specific to my dad or whether others with the similar stage of dementia face the same problems. I did mention to her that my dad wasn't a writer pre-dementia. Therefore asking him to log his day now is a total foreign concept to him. Not one he enjoys or sees a purpose for! So I truly believe personality has a lot to do with this on top of his moderate to late stage dementia. Together, it makes it a horrible combination. The therapist basically said the same thing I just reflected on. Needless to say, next week will be my dad's last speech therapy session. As she feels there isn't much more that can be done, other than what I am currently doing. Honestly this wasn't surprising to hear, but it did confirm to me that I am indeed doing everything physically possible to keep my dad's mind engaged.
After the therapy session, I got my parents back into the car and took them out to lunch. When we got out of the car to walk into the restaurant, my mom was struggling. She looked uncoordinated, teetering, and I wasn't sure who to spot first, my dad or her. They walk at different paces and getting my dad to stop and focus on something other than himself is close to impossible. Thankfully the general manager came outside and helped me, as he saw the issues I was balancing. The one thing about all of this is I have gotten to know the management and many of the servers in the restaurants we visit weekly. These people have become part of our week circle of helpers and I am grateful to have them to converse with and to break up my long days.
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