Saturday, December 17, 2022

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2002. It was Mattie's first Christmas and I wanted a photo of Mattie by the tree. My best solution was to bring over Mattie's high chair. As you can see Mattie looked stunned and had no idea what was going on! The ironic part about all of this was Mattie did not like his high chair. When we introduced Mattie to this high chair to eat solid foods, he refused. For many months, I had to feed Mattie in his car seat instead. He always loved that seat, for what reason I have no idea. 

Quote of the day: Remember, there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. ~ Scott Adams

Today was a day filled with all sorts of emotions. My frustration over being tied down to the same routine each day is hard, but at times it is my mom's attitude that truly makes this routine much worse. 

This morning, despite the cold, we went to the farmer's market. We have gotten to know Stephan, a local artist who plays at the market each Saturday. He sounds just like James Taylor to me and I relate to his music. Today, Peter and I sung several Christmas carols with Stephan!

After we got home and unpacked things, we took Sunny for a walk. I feel awful for my lack of time and attention to Sunny. We have a close bond, and I know he misses our daily walks and routine together. 

Later today, we went to Mattie's memorial tree to decorate it and the surrounding trees with ribbons and ornaments. This one particular ornament is from my friend, Margy's family. It say, M&M, for our M&M Wishes program. Before Margy died, she would visit Mattie's tree on holidays and on the day he died. 

What I love about this photo is it captures Margy, her husband, Peter, and me together. 

This is Mattie's fourth memorial tree. But we call it his official tree. It is a white swamp oak. Mattie LOVED acorns and it was only fitting that such a tree memorializes his amazing life. 

I have to admit while we were at the tree, my parents stayed in the car and were totally disinterested in the tree and what we were doing. To say that this isn't hurtful would be lying. Rationally I know that dementia impacts both of them and this disease leaves them tuned into only themselves. 

It was a cold and blustery day so when I left my parents in the car, I had the windows shut. At one point, my mom opened the car door and told me they needed air in the car, and was irritated with us for taking so long. That I did not start screaming then and there is a testament to my fortitude. 

It is hard to see but there are all sorts of ornaments on the tree and this year, I added a "love you to the moon and back" to the tree. This is a saying Mattie and I said to one another often. It was our saying!

This is the third memorial tree. It is a Yellow Wood tree. It was split practically in half during a storm. Though it is a hardy tree, I did not like that Mattie was being remembered symbolically by a cracked tree. Which is when the White Swamp Oak was planted in 2018. 

This is memorial tree number 2. I refer to it as the Charlie Brown Christmas tree of Mattie's grove. I always put a ribbon around Charlie. 

I take my parents out to eat several times a week. Definitely on Saturday and Sundays. It is like the main event of the day. So for a year, we have been going to the same three restaurants. They are all part of the same restaurant group. 

On Saturdays, we usually go to Tower Oaks which is located in Rockville, MD. It is a royal schlep to get there, but we love our server, Dawn. We met Dawn at the Reston, VA  Clyde's, but unfortunately this restaurant closed its doors in May of 2022. Because we love Dawn, we make the hellish drive to Maryland to see her once or twice a week. I told Dawn yesterday that we wouldn't be seeing her today, because we would be in Alexandria, VA visiting Mattie's memorial trees. I did not say anything else. I never told her that I was going to dine at the Clyde's of Alexandria. But she is smart and put two and two together. 

After visiting the trees, we drove to the Clyde's of Alexandria. We have been dining at this restaurant for decades, as it was only blocks away from Mattie's preschool. He absolutely loved this restaurant and therefore the whole space holds special memories for us. 

We have gotten to know the management at this Clyde's and when Tim seated us tonight, he told me that our bill would be comped in full. I literally asked him why and who would do this? Want to know who? Try Dawn! She called the restaurant and gave them her credit card number. 

Dawn then sent me this photo by text message while we were eating! Dawn understands loss. Why? Her son was murdered in 2016, at age 29. I actually just learned about this today. For a year of knowing her, I never knew about her son, but she treated us to dinner, not because we are one of her best customers but because it was one bereaved mom to the other. 

When Dawn heard me say we were visiting Mattie's memorial tree, she took it upon herself to do an act of generosity and kindness. Something to brighten my day! If you want to know why I drive an hour both ways to see Dawn, it is because people of her caliber do NOT grow on trees. I consider her an important part of my social circle and she takes excellent care of my parents and all of us while dining. Forget the Christmas presents and other material gifts, I will take the blessing of knowing someone like Dawn any day of the week!