Tonight's picture was taken on August 9, 2009. Which was four days after we learned that Mattie's cancer diagnosis was terminal. Mattie's child life specialist, Linda, coordinated a special event for Mattie at our Lego store. This store was in our mall, and the event took place after hours, so no one else was in the store with us. Mattie got to meet these two Lego masters. They invited Mattie to pick out any Lego kit in the store, and they would build it together. But here is the funny thing about that..... over the course of that year in cancer treatment, we practically built every Lego kit in the store. Once the Lego masters heard this, they then invited Mattie to build something
Quote of the day: Letting go does not mean that you do not care about someone anymore. It is just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. ~ Deborah Reber
This morning I took my parents to their primary care doctor. This doctor checks in with us every six months. Seriously just getting my parents to the appointment, I felt like I went ten rounds. Especially since my dad's irritable bowel issues started in bed and migrated to the shower. It was a big clean up morning and it was my hope that this would be the end of it. NOPE! It continued at the doctor's office and then again after the doctor visit!
I was wise to bring Mattie's wheelchair with me today because there is just too much walking to this doctor's office. The office is located within a hospital building and getting to it is convoluted. The doctor is located on the fifth floor of the building, but the parking garage only goes up to the fourth level. So I have to park on level four, get into the building, find the elevator and then walk down a long hallway on the fifth floor to the office. I have done it before with my dad, and it isn't pretty. Put pushing my dad in a wheelchair is not an easy task either, while also juggling my mom, who need to hold onto me.
The doctor told my parents today that they are doing so well because of ME! I take the compliments when I get them, and of course, my dad did not get it, and doesn't have the insight into all I do for them on any given day! In the appointment, the doctor was telling us about his cruise to Bermuda. He even showed us a few photos. He then said, he wanted to see photos from our next vacation. I stayed quiet but I thought to myself..... really? I can hardly manage the daily routine, and now you think we all can go on vacation?! Perhaps I could have attempted that when my other half was with me, but now FORGET IT!!!
This is what I love about doctors! Though this doctor knows all my dad's health issues, I somehow think he believes my dad is more put together and functions better than he actually does. After all, my dad is always clean, well groomed, and his clothes are well put together! Does this doctor think my dad showers and dresses himself? I honestly do not know what he thinks, but what I do know is venturing far from home is not in the cards for me. Certainly caregiving plays a big role in this decision, but the other part of me is devastated. My divorce has left me distraught and as such I have no desire to explore anywhere beyond my comfort zone. Will it always be this way? I truly don't know, because for me I married my first love, a man I met when I was 19, and we grew up together. Getting divorced was like someone removing one of my limbs. Yes I am still alive and I can definitely learn to function with three rather than four limbs, but life as I once knew it is gone.... which saddens me beyond description.
Meanwhile, my phone rang today! I knew the number.... it was my mortgage assumption closing agent. Despite being out with my parents, I answered the phone because I know if I didn't it would be hard to connect with Sandy later in the day. Sandy gave me the update and apparently a notary is coming to my home next week to officially process closing documents. I still do not know the closing fee, which is making me extremely nervous, but at least this hellish process will be over soon. I have been dealing with this since May 1. It consumed and ruined my summer, as I have fielded constant phone calls, demands, interviews, and the list goes on. That is of course after being denied in my first application and then having to start the process all over again. It has been three very stressful months and of course the problem with all of this was this house was supposed to be our new chapter together. What a chapter, what a nightmare!
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