Tonight's picture was taken on August 12, 2009. It was taken 7 days after we learned Mattie's cancer diagnosis was terminal. It is surreal to think that this photo was snapped on this same date, only 17 years ago. Mattie was asked to use a spirometer to work and expand his lungs. In typical Mattie style, he wasn't going to try it without me doing it first. So that explains what you are seeing in this photo! When Mattie was 3-years-old (pre-cancer), he had occupational therapy sessions twice a week. The goal was to work on his sensory integration issues. I attended and participated in every session, which was why I was very used to the dynamic of trying things and playing along! We were a great team.
Quote of the day: I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. ~ Robin Williams
Yesterday afternoon, my doorbell rang. Since the sun was up, I made the mistake of going to the door and answering it! This is another thing I miss about living in the city. There was no way you were getting to my apartment's front door without me letting you into the building. Here it is a free for all. Any case, I answered the door and it was a young man trying to push his pest control service on me. When I tell you he was very pushy, that is putting it mildly. Most of the times when people come to my door, I can get rid of them within seconds. This one wasn't taking NO for an answer. Instead, he wanted to walk around my property to show me all the ants that are moving about.
I explained to this fellow that I am happy with my pest control service and have no bugs of any kind inside the house. He proceeded to tell me that I was being taken, because the ant traffic outside my house indicates poor treatment/service. He tried to get information from me such as how much I was paying in my service contract, and he even wanted to see the service contract. Given what I have endured with my separation and divorce...... if I feel uncomfortable and my radar goes off, watch out!
Not only did I tell him I wasn't interested, that the conversation was going to be coming to an end, but I also told him that I was not switching my current provider. When he kept pushing back, asking me why I wasn't committing to his service, my response literally was..... you clearly don't know me! I don't make any decision quickly and when I have loyalty built up with one company, there is typically very little you can say to me to change my mind. In fact, after dealing with him, I called my service provider and we had a long talk! By the way, it is normal to see ants outside in the summer! So when people say things to you that DON'T make any sense.... trust your instincts! I am so annoyed with people coming to my door, I am thinking of getting a "no solicitations" sign for my front yard, because legally in our county if this is on display, no one can (or should) come to my door and solicit.
Why am I telling you this? Well about an hour later, I got a joint text message from several women on my block. One neighbor was frightened terribly by this fellow, as she wouldn't open the door, and he kept pacing up and down her walk way and even pounded on her front door several times. I tried to calm her down and let her know what company he represented. In fact, I got his business card and I told my neighbor if he comes back, I will be calling the police and then his company. My neighbor is younger than me, but her husband is protective of her and therefore she doesn't interact with any service provider without him being present. Her husband is a lovely individual and devoted family man. This chatting back and forth with my neighbors just reminded me once again.... I am alone, and I have to look after myself and my own safety. It is all very humbling and sobering.
Meanwhile, today, my car (with over 100,000 miles on it) went in for its six month service check up. I was expecting it to be a simple visit with just an oil change and break inspection. NOPE! Of course not! Instead, I learned that the car needs all new tires as well as the whole transmission needs to be disassembled and the issue addressed, as the car is shaking at higher speeds. The transmission issue will mostly be covered by my service agreement, once I meet the deductible, but the tires and wheel alignments is out of pocket. This doesn't come at a good time, given that I am trying to close on my mortgage assumption. If I tell you that all of this makes me MAD! I am not kidding, because being left after 35 years to manage everything alone is simply cruel. Like everything else, I will just take a deep breath and try to find a way forward.
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