Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. Mattie was a year and a half old and in Los Angeles for the Christmas season. The hysterical part of Mattie, and probably most children, was he was more fascinated by the boxes and wrapping than the actual gifts. I just love how this photo captured Mattie studying this piece of wrapping paper. Looking back at this moment in time in our lives and I would never have guessed Mattie would be diagnosed with cancer and die at age seven. 

Quote of the day: We may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. ~ Viktor Emil Frankl

After my dad went to the memory care center this morning, we took my mom to our local nursery to look at Christmas trees and other decorations. Peter and I happen to love this place, my mom went along, but I could tell she wasn't interested. This of course impacts me and truly I would just like even an hour to do something without worrying about someone else's feelings! The nursery had a parking lot filled with trees!

The inside area of the nursery is equally lovely! Look at all these poinsettias! The greenhouse is kept warm, which is a lovely feeling to walk into on a cold day!

The nursery also has a gift shop area which was decked out with all sorts of trees, ornaments, and holiday décor. I think it is fun to see all of this and typically it would put me in a better mood. 

This morning, Peter dropped Sunny off at the cancer center, because he had a follow up ultrasound to determine how he is doing on chemotherapy. I had my phone off of the silent mode all day because I did not want to miss the vet's call. However, I took my mom for tea and while out I did not check my phone, nor did I hear it ring. The vet called me three times. When I got home at 4pm, I was angry at myself for missing all these calls and being disconnected. I am angry and at the same time I have got to cut myself some slack because I am balancing way too much. In any case, the sad news is that Sunny isn't responding to this chemotherapy, and the tumors in his spleen, adrenal glands and bladder are growing. Not what we wanted to hear and frankly I am not sure how much more I can handle now. We discussed the plan with the vet and we will begin Sunny on a new chemo this week. There is no telling how Sunny will respond to it, as the first chemo we started him on in April was a disaster. Sunny had no quality of life. So in July we changed chemotherapy meds. Sunny seemed to be responding to this second drug, but several months later we now find that he is no longer responding and instead tumors are increasing in size. The trick is to find a drug that Sunny can tolerate and that keeps his tumor growth stable. We haven't found such a drug yet, but of course I keep hoping that one is out there. 

Meanwhile tomorrow I am getting up at 5am, so I can get myself together, make breakfast, get my dad up, and then take my mom to the hospital for her five hour test. My mom is NOT a good patient at all. She gets nervous, anxious and works herself up easily. So I know this whole experience will be worse for me than for her.