Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2002. Mattie was seven months old. That day, we received this hooded sweatshirt in the mail. It was a gift from my mentor at Union College (where I received my bachelor's degree). Prof Styles wanted to congratulate me on the birth of Mattie and to welcome Mattie into our college family. After all, Peter and I met at Union College, and naturally the hope was that Mattie would also be interested in visiting or even going there one day! In any case, we snapped this photo of Mattie to share with Prof. Styles. Our life and future looked so differently back then.
Quote of the day: Everything can change in a heartbeat; it can slip away in an instant. Everything you trust, and treasure, whatever brings you comfort, comes at a terrible cost. Health is temporary; money disappears. Safety is nothing but an illusion. So when the moment comes, and everything you depend upon changes, or perhaps someone you love disappears, or no longer loves you, must disaster follow? Or will you-somehow-adapt? ~ Margaret Overton
Excellent quote, excellent question! Will disaster follow or will I somehow adapt to being divorced? The answer is I truly don't know. I received a message from a friend today who knows me and witnessed countless times the incredible bond and connection I had with Peter. In fact, most people who knew us are as perplexed as I am about the dissolution of my marriage. But what my friend today reminded me of is that I have to take things at my own time and my own pace.
That is very insightful because I find when the therapist, lawyer, or others want me to close this chapter of my life, in order to have a new beginning, I find this very upsetting. It completely negates my feelings, how I operate in the world, and most definitely doesn't account for the fact that I spent more of my life with Peter, than without him. It isn't a good feeling to be the one left behind, to know that I am no longer loved by the person I entrusted my life to, and then to also understand that he has moved on, and has a brand new life.
My friend Ann came over today to help me with the Foundation's annual drive items. This week, I want as many of these donations delivered to hospitals as possible. We loaded her car up and then she helped me carry my big Friday delivery to the garage, so that I can more easily load the car on Thursday night. I assure you candy and snacks can be very heavy to lift, and it saddens me that I now do these item drives without Peter. We used to be quite a team, or so I thought.
This afternoon, I took my parents for their RSV (Respiratory syncytial virus) vaccine. My mom's pulmonologist has been insisting she take this vaccine, given that she has several lung conditions. He wanted her to take it last year, but since it was a new vaccine, I wasn't comfortable letting her receive it. But this year, the doctor got to me, because he explained that with my mom, she most likely would be hospitalized if she contracted this virus. Any case, I sat with each of my parents as they got their injection. In both cases, they immediately screamed in pain. My dad practically jumped out of his chair, that is how bad it was. Both of them complained of stinging and burning for about an hour after the shot was administered. In addition, both of my parents became extremely exhausted from the shot. So we shall see what tomorrow holds.
Meanwhile, on Thursday, I am going to the DMV, to change the title of our cars. I HATE with every FIBER OF MY BEING, having to negotiate all this paperwork! Having to figure out everything for myself, on my own! If the therapist tells me one more time about my strength, I literally may bop her on the head! I have gone from a person who didn't pay bills, manage finances, taxes, handle house repairs, and the list goes on!
Keep it in mind that I am doing all of this with a cluster headache! I stayed up late last night working on the DMV documentation and I am hoping that I have completed the right things. I am bringing many documents in tow with me on Thursday because I am not sure exactly what I need (despite talking to a representative on the phone). I have to get this right, because running back and forth is not easy for me with my caregiving schedule.
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