Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. Mattie was a year and half and that Christmas we boarded a plane and headed to California. Unlike me, Mattie was a great plane traveler. He loved looking out the window, was fascinated by the plane, and even seemed to like the turbulence. I traveled with a full bag of activities, because Mattie was awake for the entire flight. I am quite certain that on some level Mattie knew his time on earth was going to be short lived, and did not want to miss a minute.
Quote of the day: Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation. ~ George K. Simon Jr.
While getting myself dressed this morning, I was listening to the radio. One of the commentators was introduced with the beginning rift of Paul Simon's song, You can call me Al. You know what song I mean? If not, it is below................
Why am I mentioning this? Because when Peter and I walked into our wedding reception, and we were introduced to our family and friends for the first time as a married couple, the band played this same rift! Just hearing this song sends me right back to July 15, 1995! As we walked into our reception, our entire bridal party was on the dance floor and formed a tunnel for us to walk through, with their arms overhead. I can picture it distinctly! I associate this song with that incredibly magical day. I remember the feeling of walking into this room holding Peter's hand, with the notion that we were officially starting our life together.
Would I do it all again, if I knew the outcome? It is a hard question to answer. If I did not marry Peter, there would be no Mattie. Mattie was meant to be born and his existence made my life complete. I can't imagine life without having Mattie. But would I marry Peter again knowing he would break my heart in pieces, disrespect me in immeasurable ways, would commit adultery with a neighbor, and have no regard for my physical, emotional or financial well-being? The answer would be no! No I would prefer to be spared this enormous betrayal and cruelty.
While looking out the window this morning, I saw Peter jump into the pick up truck he bought (which once was owned by my neighbor, so yes he bought her truck while still married to me without my knowledge), backed out of my neighbor's driveway, and parked in the cul de sac. He then picked up their mail and debris for the construction site on their property. At no point did he even look over to our house! I have been eliminated, removed from his reality, and our 35 years went POOF! They and I do not exist to him! A real sobering reality.
When I looked at Peter, he looked emaciated. He was on an intense exercise routine starting in 2023, but to me, he has continued to lose weight. Why do I care? As I keep mentioning, there is the rational side of me, and then there is the devoted and emotional wife side. I am quite certain that Peter has now married my neighbor! Yes within weeks of getting a divorce from me. So much for his need to find himself, to have independence and less control. He moved from a loving and unconditional long term relationship, right in the arms of massive control and manipulation.
I can assure you, I saw this coming. I confronted Peter about this for months in 2023, as I was concerned about the amount of time they spent together and their emotional bond. At one point when confronted, Peter told me she was his confidante. Yet countless times, I was told there was nothing going on, that it was basically in my head. The problem is my head was correct! I am the master of observation and I quickly put two and two together. A wife knows these things!
My major flaw was two fold: 1) I trusted Peter, and thought he was committed to our marriage, and 2) when my neighbor came over crying and in need of help in March of 2023, I saw someone in distress and I wanted to mobilize to help. So I suggested Peter go over to her home and help her. That was the kiss of death.
Like an Aesop fable, the moral of this story is kindness, help, and trust should never be given away unconditionally. I learned this painful lesson and I pass it along. If this could happen to my marriage and to me, it could happen to anyone.
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