Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. We were in my parent's kitchen in Los Angeles. My mom had set up a mini tree for Mattie in the kitchen, surrounded by toys and little gifts for Mattie to open. As you can see, Mattie was ripping into a gift, while I was snapping this photo. Looking back at this moment in time, it was so happy, innocent, and captured how I viewed my life.... as a mom and wife, and a part of a loving family.
Quote of the day: In such a self-centered society, many people have gone to the extreme of narcissism—being solely concerned about their own personal well-being and agendas while excluding and exploiting others. Narcissism is not only epidemic but is also a pandemic of our times that has been normalized and accepted. Self-serving, narcissistic people are incapable and unwilling to love due to a lack of authentic self and love for one’s self and others. ~ Sepideh Irvani
I had quite the day! I have been told for weeks that my neighbor's project is winding down! Want to see what winding down looks like???????????????
Besides the fact that things weren't sorted and thrown together, many of the shampoo and soap containers opened and every little bottle was covered with soap and was slimy. Part of me was so irritated that I wanted to throw the whole donation in the garbage. But I took a deep breath and dumped everything in the sink and hand washed each tube. It was laborious and frustrating. In addition to that, I came across items from the Hotel Mediterraneo. Though I never stayed at that hotel, I know of it. Why? Because it is in one of my favorite locations in the world, Sorrento, Italy. What were the chances that such significant items would be in this donation today?
When I was a little girl, I traveled countless times with my mom and grandmother to Sorrento. We stayed at a hotel, which to this day, I think is magical. It is my namesake, the Excelsior Vittoria. Just seeing these items from Sorrento today sent me for a tailspin. It made me very depressed. It reminded me of a better time in my life, and because I loved Sorrento so much, it was my hope that one day Peter and I would go back and stay at this hotel. It symbolized my future plans. So seeing these items today were a crushing blow! The reality that I will never be traveling again with Peter, that perhaps every trip we ever took together was a joke to him, and well you can see how I quickly spiraled downhill.
I had therapy tonight and the therapist looked at this emotional tailspin in a positive way. She feels that I am so filled with anger, that it leaves no time for actual feelings and grief. Her words, NOT MINE. Therefore she felt that this tailspin meant I was acknowledging the abandonment. She knows I disagree with this analysis, and I remind her often..... you live in my shoes 24/7, and you will see that it is impossible NOT to feel countless emotions. Because I am not in a puddle or crumbling, doesn't mean I have no actual feelings. I have plenty! Plenty I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!
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