Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. Mattie was two and half years old and that day I snapped this photo because what intrigued me was that both Mattie and Patches were fascinated by the boxes under our staircase. These were Christmas presents sent to us by Peter's mom. Patches smelled my in-law's cat on the boxes and Mattie just wanted to know what was inside. To me these two tag teamed to take turns to investigate these boxes! When I think about this moment in time and our townhouse in the city, I long for these days. A time when I did not focus on childhood cancer and I didn't know that my husband wasn't in love with me and was planning to abandon me!
Quote of the day: Narcissists are precisely that: careless. They barrel through life, using relationships and people as objects, tools, and folly. While they often seem as if they are cruel or harsh, that is in fact giving them too much credit. They are simply careless. And they do expect other people to clean up their messes. But carelessness is cruel. Frankly, the motivation for their behavior does not matter; what matters is the outcome. And that outcome is damage to other people’s well-being, hopes, aspirations, and lives. Carelessness captures it, but it is not an excuse. ~ Dr. Ramani Durvasula
Today was NOT a good day. After getting my dad up, showered, dressed, and downstairs for breakfast, I then had to make phone calls about one of his medical bills. He had anesthesia on August 21, during an outpatient surgery at the hospital. In fact, this summer was the summer of managing my dad's kidney stones, as we spent the whole month of August back and forth with admissions! Any case on August 21, my dad had ureter stents replaced and lithotripsy, as he was having trouble passing urine and had quite a large stone in his left kidney. It turns out that Medicare will not pay for the anesthesia! Why? No fault to Medicare, but the anesthesiologist was NOT a certified Medicare provider! You HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME?!!!! Why did the hospital allow for such a procedure, with a professional who can't be reimbursed by my dad's primary health insurer? Of course if his primary insurer denies the claim, so will his supplementals.
I spent about two hours on this problem today! I called the anesthesia group, I called the hospital, I called my dad's urologist who was responsible for this surgery, and I even called Medicare. Guess who was most helpful? Medicare! I was stunned. This woman outlined the issue to me and explained what I needed to do. Of course the anesthesia group says it is a Medicare issue, Medicare says it is an anesthesia issue, and the hospital says go back to the provider. Literally I wanted to scream. Basically I have to wait until an actual bill is submitted to me and once I get it, I can then appeal it to the hospital. Sure, one more job for Vicki, because I don't have enough on my plate. If it comes down to writing a letter to the hospital, I was will be furious as they should be making sure that services are covered by insurance. This shouldn't be a family's responsibility, especially when managing a medical crisis. The system SUCKS!
While on the phone with these multiple people, my mom was peppering me in the background. As she wanted to take this on! Would I like for her to help? Certainly, but realistically I know she can't! She would have trouble remembering what was told to her and I would land up having to intervene anyway! So overall, I am frustrated, stressed out, and fed up with all that Peter left me to handle alone. Of course while I am struggling, he is next door, living the life of Riley. A life fraught with lies and built on a foundation of deception and secrets.
After I got off the phone today, I could tell my parents wanted to go out. So I felt that pressure, while also realizing that I have several bills to pay, which I am juggling at the moment. To figure all of this out, requires concentration. What I deduced is that I will have to wait for them to go to bed tonight, to try to sit down with my spreadsheets and do creative accounting. It wasn't my finest moment today and I was screaming my head off from stress! My mom can set me off, because instead of helping, she will just add fuel to the fire. She hates living here, hates her life, and wants to go back to California. As you can imagine, since I have rearranged my entire life to care for both of my parents, this did not sit well.
I grabbed my car keys and told them if they are so miserable and don't appreciate what I am doing, then perhaps they would like to spend a few hours alone and see how that goes. I am beyond at the breaking point, with everyone wanting something from me, to figure out problems and to clean up literal and figurative messes. I include Peter in this too, because when he left me, I had a large financial mess to sift through and attack. I AM STRUNG OUT I TELL YOU.
Needless to say, I did not leave my parents. I wouldn't do that, as they truly can't function on their own. But my mom understood that she can't keep pushing me. I am human and I have my own needs and issues.
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