Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2004. Mattie was almost two years old. Peter and I took him to the Natural History Museum in DC and Peter captured Mattie intrigued by the huge wholly mammoth bronze sculpture in the rotunda. As you can see Mattie was transfixed by its size, its tusks, and height.
Quote of the day: Dusk is just an illusion because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. And that means that day and night are linked in a way that few things are there cannot be one without the other yet they cannot exist at the same time. How would it feel I remember wondering to be always together yet forever apart? ~ Nicholas Sparks
Decades ago, a friend of mine from college who became a librarian, was talking to me about a book. She was describing the story line and as she continued on, I was intrigued enough to ask her..... what is the title of this book? Audrey told me it is called, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. Time passed, but one day I decided to purchase the book. I absolutely LOVED it. Sparks maybe a fictional writer, but the way he captures people, their relationships, and particularly loss speaks to me. I have read EVERY single one of his books. His quote that I posted tonight resonates with my feelings of dropping Sunny off at my friend's house today.
Peter and I are headed to a two day conference in Florida tomorrow, and as such, I needed someone to care for Sunny in our absence. My friend Jane lost her dog about a year and a half ago, and she offered to watch Sunny. Sunny has met Jane before and has also visited her home. I am grateful to Jane for caring for my doggie baby, but as Sparks so aptly points out..... we sometimes want two things at the same time, and yet it is physically impossible for this to be achieved. I want Sunny to be with us, and yet I also have to board a plane an attend a conference. Both objectives are not achievable at the same time, yet for met saying good-bye to Sunny this afternoon brought up loss.
"Always together yet forever apart." A powerful statement from Sparks. In his book he was referring to a husband caring for his wife with Alzheimer's disease, yet his quote is quite applicable to loss of a child. For me Mattie is with me daily through this blog, through my work on the Foundation, and in all his artistic objects that surround me. Yet physically we are forever apart. It is hard to really grapple with this dichotomy of together and apart. It is a constant struggle, mind game, and emotional roller coaster bereaved parents face and certain activities in our daily lives cause these wild feelings to come to the surface. Like saying good-bye to Sunny today. Sunny looked at me with his sad big eyes and it made me feel like I was failing him. Yes not rational, but feelings don't always make sense.
The good part is Jane will be keeping in touch and I will be tracking how Sunny is doing. Jane and I met when our children were in preschool together. She is very active in our annual walks and helps me manage our walk teams. It is truly remarkable if you think about it that most of the moms in Mattie's first preschool class are still friends with me today and are dedicated Mattie Miracle volunteers and supporters. Naturally I focus on why we are going away...... to present at a conference and share Mattie's story as well as bring awareness to the fact that Mattie was the impetus for the creation of the national psychosocial standards of care for children with cancer and their families.
1 comment:
Always together, yet forever apart! I too, like Nicholas Sparks novels. His ability to draw the reader, such a realistic picture of the story line is amazing. He seems to truly understand profound loss! Unlike Jodi Picoult, I can read his novels.
I wondered about how you felt leaving SUNNY. Now you are already back days and I am going backwards to catch up on pictures and the blog. I rarely miss but don't always comment. You already know your blog speaks to me. You share your thoughts and feelings, openly.
I often feel your blog teaches the reader so much. Mattie's death from Cancer robbed you & Peter of the life and future you were thinking would happen. On the way to your final day with Mattie, you watched, comforted, had to make quick decisions, many more things all the time you were also watching Mattie suffer. You had to absorb that al like a gigantic sponge because Mattie needed you to remain MOM and Peter, DAD. I so admire you & Peter for starting Mattie Miracle Foundation. Your dedication to making a difference in the world of Childhood Cancer is enormous. Nicholas Spark's is correct, Mattie is with you always yet you live with out all the hugs, love, fun, future, his presence would have provided❤️❤️❤️
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