Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2003. Mattie was ten months old and I tried my best to give Mattie time sitting up and playing. There were two positions Mattie did not really care about... one was lying on his back and two was sitting up. When awake, Mattie preferred to be standing and moving his feet. Though he was unable to walk at that point, he loved standing in his entertainment saucer and his tot wheels walker. Nonetheless, I understood the importance of developing certain muscles and therefore I tried my best to make things engaging, so that Mattie would want to sit and play! Clearly you can see I had moments of success.
Quote of the day: There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thin, spun sugar. A strong gust of wind could dislodge me completely, and I’d lift off and blow away, like one of those seeds in a dandelion clock. The threads tighten slightly from Monday to Friday. ~ Gail Honeyman
For the last two weeks, I have been balancing my mom's foot and toe issues. In fact, last week I took her to the podiatrist. The doctor did some nail maintenance and then gave us gel toe spacers, to prevent her toes from rubbing against the other. I truly was hoping that would help! It did somewhat for a day or two, but now she is back to complaining of excruciating pain. So much so that she doesn't want to walk and when she walks, she is moving in a very strange fashion. I feel at a loss. I consulted her rehab medicine doctor, that did not help. I consulted a podiatrist, that did not help either. So tonight I wrote to her neurologist.
It is hard enough juggling my parents alone when my mom is able to walk, but now that she is having further difficulties, it is truly beyond challenging. Because going out with my parents means I am giving my dad direction and watching for all possible issues where his walker could get stuck or he could trip, and while doing this, I am carrying my dad's tote bag, his seat pillow, and I have my mom holding my other hand. It is a lot and when my mom is in pain, she has a way of making me very edgy.
This afternoon, I took my parents out for lunch. We typically go to the same place every Sunday, but our server, Cheryl, was meeting with her family today and wasn't going to be working. So instead, I took my parents to a more local restaurant that they like. Since we have been to this restaurant maybe six times, the servers are getting to know us. In fact, one server, has the same name as my niece, Sydney. Sydney knows me and I know her, as she came over to greet us today! Other servers there call me the jam and cookie lady! Because I travel with a jar of Smucker's jam for my dad and cookies! As I always say, it is amazing what people observe and absorb!
While dining, I could tell my mom wasn't comfortable. So after we got back in the car, I drove to CVS, bought Epson salts and I am hoping that soaking her foot will help! The problem with her foot issue, is that there is NO visible issue that I can see, and because she can't describe the pain to me, I feel at a loss on how to manage it!
While I manage so many issues on any given day, I can't tell you how I would love to be able to pick up the phone and text or call Mattie. The loss of Mattie wasn't just something I contended with on year one, two, or three. NO! It is a FOREVER loss, a loss that I feel at EVERY developmental stage of my life. I thought the initial loss was bad, but I am noticing as I age, his absence has become even more heightened.
