Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Tuesday, March 28, 2023 -- Mattie died 704 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2005. Mattie was almost three years old and that day he was invited over to his Aunt and Uncle's home to participate in an Easter Egg Hunt. Behind Mattie is his cousin, Will. It is hard to believe that Will is graduating from college this year, and yet in my mind Mattie is forever 7.

Quote of the day: We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

It was another fun day on the Farm. To add to the complexity of the day, I had a conference call at 11am. If people could see me minutes before a call, they may wonder how on earth I am pulling all of this off! Or look composed on a call! I wonder myself some days. I am so tired, it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. But I do it and I am thankful that Sunny has been compliant with eating and taking his pills while Peter has been gone. As I get up an extra 30 minutes early to manage Sunny and Indie's needs when it is just me at home. 

This afternoon, I took my parents out to lunch. It is our main meal of the day. When Peter is gone, we go out every day, otherwise, we are couped up at home all day long and it helps to see other people and be out and about. Otherwise, the isolation is intense. Eating with my dad is neither pleasant at home or out in a restaurant. No matter how early I take him out, he is a zombie at the table and looks like he is going to fall asleep! Yet he wants to go out to eat. In fact, that is the first question he asks me when I wake him up in the morning..... are we going out to eat? You would think I am a horrible cook given his desire to always go out. 

While at the restaurant, there was an adult daughter sitting with her parents right next to us. I couldn't help but hear her conversation. Mainly because she was shouting. She went off on a diatribe about how she doesn't believe in God, actually hates the notion of God, and faith is only a feeling and not based on science. Her parents had no response, as clearly the father was embarrassed by her screaming. Given all I have faced so far in life, I can absolutely appreciate why someone would question God, or even doubt his existence. In fact, I think God understands human frailty and our need to question and understand things we can't see and measure. Having a child diagnosed with cancer and then die, has caused me to question God, his ways, and his intentions. But being a cradle Catholic (someone who has grown up and been Catholic all one's life), I do not doubt God's existence. Cancer has not changed that reality for me. 

That said, given my personal experiences with trauma and loss, when I hear comments like I heard today from this woman, my reaction was..... there is a reason she feels this way. I don't judge her in any way, as spirituality is a personal component of one's life. But sure enough, as she was getting up from the table, I could then immediately see... she is a caregiver to TWO older adults. Her dad had a physical disability and her mother literally acted just like my father. I have no idea whether she believed in God ever, but I do think caring for older adults all day long, especially those with dementia, can make you absolutely unhappy, question life, its purpose, meaning, and in the process you lose your identity and hope for the future. 

Monday, March 27, 2023

Monday, March 27, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2005. Mattie was almost three years old and that day we took him to Butler's Orchard in Maryland, to attend their Bunnyland spring fair. As you can see, Mattie was having a ball. There were all sorts of hands on activities for kids, as well as an Easter Egg hunt. Mattie gravitated to the John Deere tractor, which was why Peter created Mattie a step stool for the bathroom that looked just like the tractor. 

Quote of the day: No matter how bleak or menacing a situation may appear, it does not entirely own us. It can't take away our freedom to respond, our power to take action. ~ Ryder Carroll

As you can imagine I am very cognizant about brain health and dementia. When I brought my dad in for a dental cleaning three months ago, they found that he has significant gum disease. This was surprising to me given the fact that he cared for his teeth all his life, went for cleanings every six months, and had good oral hygiene. Or at least he did before 2020. When the hygienist handed him a tooth brush and asked him to demonstrate how he brushes his teeth, it became very apparent to me and her..... that my dad no longer knows how to brush his teeth. So she has asked me to take this over. I confess, I get an F in that department, because I am doing everything else for him. But today I visited the dentist, and I am now making a commitment to take over his dental care.

The point to all of this is back at the dental visit with my dad, I learned of a salvia test to detect bacteria in your mouth that has been linked to many kinds of diseases, one being Alzheimer's. I think if my parents did not have dementia, I probably would NOT be focused on this testing, but since they do, I feel I want to be as proactive as possible. After all if there is a pathogen in my mouth, that could be treated to help with the prevention of systemic disease, then I feel it is important for me to learn more and be proactive.

Check out this interesting one minute video:

Evidence seems to show that five high-risk oral pathogens are causative drivers of inflammation and disease. Oral bacteria make their way into your bloodstream and place us at risk for heart attacks, stroke, Alzheimer’s, cancer and diabetes.  Saliva pathogen testing determines the cause and severity of an infection, provides a medical diagnosis, validates treatment, and identifies early stages of infection. 

The testing was super simple and I should have results in two weeks. Again, I am not saying this is the be all or end all, but it provides me with more data about my own potential situation. 

It is ironic that a trip to the dentist or the doctor's office is like a SPA day for me. I dropped my dad off at the memory care center, and I asked my mom to stay home. Though she wanted to come with me (as she has a FEAR OF MISSING OUT syndrome), it is just too stressful herding her out of the house in the morning. So after I dropped my dad off, I had time by myself in the car, which felt like incredible freedom. I had freedom for three hours where I did not have to worry about either parent. My hygienist understands what I am balancing and she too calls it my 'spa' appointment. 

Of course as soon as I got back home after my appointment, I had laundry, dishes, emails, the animals to care for, managing my mom, and caring for my dad. My mom got a bill in the mail today, and this sent her over the edge. She had me going crazy for 90 minutes over this bill, and I had to call the health insurer and figure out the discrepancies. While talking to the health insurer, my mom was hovering over me. I finally lost it and told her to sit down. I have no idea what the health insurer thought about my comment to my mom, but frankly I just didn't care at that point in time. Any case, after solving the bill saga, I felt like I went three rounds and LOST! 

Sunday, March 26, 2023

Sunday, March 26, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2006. Mattie was almost four years old. This was a typical level of activity in our dining and living rooms. Trains, tracks, toy cars, and of course Legos. Peter and Mattie both love to build and create and so Peter did not have a big learning curve when Mattie was born. Whereas, I had to learn the art of Legos, trains, cars, and of course exploring the great outdoors. However, to this day, I still prefer being outdoors versus in, and I attribute that to Mattie. 

Quote of the day: Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, now that is true strength. ~ Chris Bradford

This is my boy outside this morning, enjoying a sunny day on the patio! Age and cancer have changed Sunny's level of activity. But his love, spirit, and devotion remain the SAME! 

Peter is in Boston, and though he had a cold and rainy day, we had close to 70 degrees and beautiful sunshine. I sent Peter a photo of his hyacinths growing beautifully!

Our pansies made it through the winter!

Signs of spring! 

Here's the highlight of my day. After I got home from taking my parents to brunch, I was getting my parents inside from the garage and the front doorbell rang. I told my mom to help my dad so I could see who it was at the door.

It turns out it was our 6 1/2 year old neighbor next door. He is a very sociable fellow. He came to me soaking wet, as he had his swim suit on and had just run through his sprinklers.  He handed me a daffodil and clearly wanted to chat. I brought him out a towel and Sunny and I must have stayed with him for an hour. I know at that age, kids like tasks and to do something. So I literally got my greens container out and he and I walked around the front yard picking up branches and sticks that fell off our river birch tree. While picking up sticks we talked about all sorts of things. We learned we both suffer from pollen allergies, we both have birthdays in July, and we both love Sunny. At that age, kids will talk about everything and all I kept saying to myself is..... Mattie taught me well! 

Saturday, March 25, 2023

Saturday, March 25, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2007. Mattie was five years old and that March we took him to visit Key West, where his paternal grandparents were vacationing. Mattie was always open to adventure and being outside, exploring nature just resonated with him. This photo makes me laugh. It was Mattie's rendition of him trying to hold up the pier!

Quote of the day: Hard times arouse an instinctive desire for authenticity. ~ Coco Chanel

I got up early this morning because I was expecting my dad's physical therapist to work with him. After I got showered, dressed, and started breakfast, she text messaged me that she wasn't coming because there was a gas leak in her home. Totally get it, but at that point I wanted to turn around and go back to bed. But of course I can't! If I stop functioning so does this household. So I pushed through my tiredness and started the morning process with my dad. 

After I served and cleaned up breakfast, started laundry, did my dad's brain games with him and his walking routine, I then decided I was going to finish this required coursework today. I want it off my plate, especially since I need to complete it before next week. I took a photo of my completion circles..... Four courses, 10 continuing education credits and completed in 11 days. Gold star for Vicki!!!

Meanwhile, though Peter is in Boston, he too is busy! When Peter was a teenager, he and his dad built this shed together. Now one of the exterior walls of the shed needed to be re-shingled! 

Peter tackled this project, and you can see his mom is helping too. Peter's mom is the only parent we have now who is fully functioning and independent. Not sure what her secret is, but we want it to rub off on us. 

The new shingles in process! Peter will paint this shed in May when he goes back up to Boston. A part of me wants to know what it is like to leave my dysfunction for a couple of days. I am glad Peter gets away, visits his parents, and I imagine for him it is freeing to be away and if I were him, it would be hard to return to our home. 

I took my parents out around 3pm today for a late brunch. I have to say it was the most chaotic experience I have had in a long time. My dad was in a fog, very remote, and at the same time highly demanding. It was like eating with a child, except this child is 87 years old. My dad needs constant assistance with tissues, things on the table, cutting food, managing his eating pace, and of course trips to the bathroom. He has no insight about anything or anyone else around him. Gone are the days of a peaceful meal, I am either eating too quickly or just giving up with the whole process. 

Today, my dad wanted to order a pork chop. Against my better judgment, I went with his request. The pork chop came, he took one bite and said he was FULL. Instead, he said the pork chop was for Sunny. I was very frustrated on many levels, because once my dad says he is full, he is ready for the meal to be over with, for all of us. But of course my mom and I just started eating. It gets to the point that I am so exasperated that I can't even speak. So I was silent for a while. When I am silent, watch out. I am much better angry and screaming than holding it all in. I did mentally regroup, but some days it is just very hard to cope. Because guess what? Tomorrow will be exactly the same. 

Friday, March 24, 2023

Friday, March 24, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2007. That spring break, we took Mattie to Florida. Specifically to Key West to vacation with Peter's parents. On the long drive from Miami down to the Keys, we stopped at a shop called Shell World. It seemed to be full of whimsy and trinkets. Which was right up Mattie's alley! As you can see, Mattie sat on a 'hand' chair and gave me a big smile.

Quote of the day: If your heart is broken, make art with the pieces. ~ Shane Koyczan

I woke up at 5:30am this morning because if I didn't there would be no way for me to get my dad ready and to his memory care program, and my mom out the door to head to her physical therapy appointment. It was a sheer juggling act because Blanca (my long time house cleaner) came at 8:30am. Which means that my dad had to be up, washed, and dressed before she came. Of course I also had to factor in feeding Sunny and giving him chemo. Though 5:30 is not my hour, it is what I needed to do to get this house moving and functioning. 

Peter told me today, after looking at last night's nanny camera, that my dad got up at 4:30am and sat on the toilet bowl for an entire hour. None of this surprises me, but it does clearly illustrate the issues I have been observing. My dad has no idea of time and truly can't track anything for more than 30 seconds. After which, he is a complete blank slate. I am glad Peter looks at the camera each day for me, because I just can't! 

This was my mom's second physical therapy session today, after a three week hiatus because she was sick. I find that these sessions are wiping her out this week. Today she was working on steps in the session, as I find my mom struggles going up and down our step into our family room. She struggles because there is nothing to hold onto! Peter and I bought her a rock steady cane (pictured here), which we leave by the step to help her grip onto something when she goes up and down. 

Despite our best efforts, she complains that this isn't working. So the therapist suggested she use a quad cane and leave it by the step. She practiced with it in clinic today. Ironically this is what a quad cane looks like. Do you think that looks more sturdy than what we bought? I don't really see a big difference, so before getting another piece of equipment in my arsenal, I am going to attach velcro ankle weights to the rock steady cane and see if that helps to weigh it down and keep it from jiggling when my mom holds it. Honestly, I have to be problem solver extraordinaire too. 

Meanwhile, at 2pm, I picked my dad up from his memory program. As soon as he got into the car, I immediately asked him.... what were you doing in the classroom right before you came to the car? My dad had NO clue! Within that one minute walk, he lost whatever content he had in his head! In fact, I can read him the day's agenda at the center, and even those prompts do not jog his memory. His situation is quite noteworthy. 

On an aside, my mom's therapist asked us today.... what are you doing this weekend? It is a fair and appropriate question, but how do I explain to a young and vibrant woman what my daily life looks like? There is no way I can even attempt to schedule to do something with my parents. Neither have the energy, my dad doesn't have the interest, and just trying to get them out to door to a restaurant can feel like I am climbing Mt. Everest. My world and daily routine centers on tasks, more tasks, and then more after that! It is hard to describe this reality to someone who isn't a full-time caregiver. The therapist helps people every day, but it is one thing to help a patient for 45 minutes to an hour, and quite another to be responsible for two people 24/7. 

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Thursday, March 23, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2008. Only four months before Mattie was diagnosed with cancer. That day we took him for a walk on Roosevelt Island. This was a place we practically visited every weekend together, regardless of the weather or temperature. The Island will always hold a special place to Peter and me. 

Quote of the day: Successful people demonstrate their resilience through their dedication to making progress every day, even if that progress is marginal. ~ Jonathan Mills

Peter flew to Boston today to visit with his parents for about a week. He tries to do this every other month, like I used to do when my parents were in Los Angeles. It certainly makes life challenging for both of us, as we are pulled in all directions. 

Before Peter left for the airport, he sent me a photo of the pansies in our backyard. We planted them in the fall and they are still glorious!

Peter is the cat whisperer! I never met a cat that didn't like him. Shortly after Peter arrived at his parent's house, their cat (Inky) claimed Peter's jacket. I am not sure Miss Indie is going to like this one bit when Peter returns. 

Though I manage all of my parent's care during the week, when Peter is gone, I have extra responsibilities that he takes on during the week for me. One of which is feeding and giving Sunny chemo. On chemo, Sunny is not always hungry, can be obstinate, and many times will refuse food. Of course eating is important for him because this is the only way we get him to take his medications. So now the games begin between me and Sunny. 

One of the major changes in my life since my parents moved in (putting aside freedom in my day to work and see friends), is my lack of walking, and certainly my inability to have time to walk Sunny. That may not sound like a big deal but it is both a problem for my physical health and also the connection between me and Sunny is not like it used to be. This is very sad, and it is hard to explain to an animal why the changes have occurred. I can only imagine what Sunny thinks! The only solace I take is that Sunny's energy level is not what it used to be while on chemo and he has a fenced in backyard to explore the outside. Sunny absolutely loves checking out the neighbors' dogs at the fence line and being on the look out for fox and deer. 

I am trying to plug away on this course work requirement that I am trying to fulfill in order to participate on a research grant. I am moving through these modules much slower than I had hoped! I am hoping some form of a miracle happens so that I can make some progress on it this weekend. Meanwhile, I received an invitation to review a peer-reviewed article for a psycho-oncology journal today. The article has to do with innovative research using our Standards of Care. I was very honored to be invited to do this and after checking with the editors (to make sure they did not feel there was a conflict of interest, as the Standards were our vision), I accepted the invitation. I certainly can't focus on this until the course work is done, but I find it amazing given my day to day chores, that I sometimes forget that I am a professional. Invitations like this remind me quickly. 

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2008. Mattie came home from school that day and we went outside to our commons area in the city and flew a kite. Mattie loved kites and the commons area was the perfect space, because it always had just the right amount of wind to send Mattie's kite soaring! It is hard to believe that this photo was taken four months before he was diagnosed with cancer. It is easy to forget that Mattie was once healthy, could run, and just be a kid, as cancer has a way of leaving a permanent mark on my brain. This photo however, instantly snaps me back to a happier time in our lives. 

Quote of the day: I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong... I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles. ~ Audrey Hepburn

After a three week hiatus (because my mom was ill), my mom returned to physical therapy today. There is always more pressure on therapy days, because I have to get my dad up and ready and my mom out the door at a certain time in order to drive to the hospital. Today I learned that my mom will be doing therapy through June. Originally the plan was for therapy to end in April. So the process continues, and it is more for me to juggle!

Peter sent me this photo of a giant hyacinth growing in our backyard. Rather hysterical that I don't make the time to see it in person! But thankfully Peter keeps me connected to the outside world and also takes on the daily nanny camera reports on my dad's behavior at night. 

I snapped some photos of things I have put out around the house for the Spring/Easter season. After Mattie died, we did NO decorating. AT ALL! I neither had the interest or desire. I am not sure I do now either, but with my parents living with us, and my dad completely disoriented, I find decorating for the season is good for all of our mental states. Otherwise every day is exactly like the day before here. 

When Mattie died, I donated many of the decorations I had collected over the years. I felt..... why keep them?! I did not want to decorate and I did not have a child to pass them onto in the future. The only decorations I did keep were the ornaments for our Christmas tree. Most likely because many of them have some sort of significance. 

Peter came home with some daffodils two days ago and to me they are the ultimate sign of Spring. So I got out my trusty ribbon collection and put ribbons around each of the daffodil containers. When Mattie Miracle used to host a live Walk and Raffle in May, I needed LOTS of ribbons for our raffle baskets. I must have a ribbon for all occasions! Now our event is no longer in person, but rest assured my ribbons always come in handy. 

Our town house in Washington, DC had a room with a view, which I just LOVED. This is my new room with a view in our house. I am attracted to openness, natural light, windows, and greenery. But I snapped this photo to show you my Easter set up on the wall between our kitchen and family room. 

It has been a full day of balancing caregiving tasks, driving around, cleaning, cooking, answering Foundation emails, and now onto the course work I need to complete for the research study we are involved in! Will the course work ever get done? NO idea, but I keep pushing to meet next week's deadline. 

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Tuesday, March 21, 2023 -- Mattie died 703 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day the excitement in the pediatric units was the ribbon cutting ceremony for the child life playroom. I can't tell you what a God sent this room was, because when Mattie first started treatment, there was no space to play, interact with others, and just be a kid. The only space allocated before the playroom's existence was the hallways! Mattie was invited to cut the ribbon during the ceremony and one thing Mattie loved even more than building, was being given a task or responsibility! He took on this role was great pride, especially since the playroom brought him joy throughout his challenging medical existence. 

Quote of the day: No matter how much falls on us, we keep plowing ahead. That's the only way to keep the roads clear. ~ Greg Kincaid

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. I must have been tossing and turning until 2 or 2:30am. When my alarm went off this morning, I honestly didn't know if I was coming or going. Peter perked up my morning by sending me this photo of rhododendrons in our garden. Ironically, I am in such a state, that I don't even go out and look at them myself. I figure what's the point. 

In addition to my usual tasks, I am also inundated with things that I must complete before next week for this research study we are involved in. Truly without caregiving, these tasks would be a pain, but now anything in which I feel the pressure of a deadline, this causes me anxiety. Which is why I most likely can't sleep. 

This morning, I checked the nanny camera we installed in my dad's bathroom. He was up multiple times last night, and sat on the toilet for 30 minutes at a time (despite installing a clock right in front of the toilet for him). What also caught my attention is after going to the bathroom, he then headed over the sink and looked confused as to what to do. Literally he stood there for five minutes just standing there and rubbing his head. The whole picture was overwhelming to see and at some point, I may just have Peter review this camera each morning, and cut myself out of the process. The footage is very depressing, and it doesn't help my mental state for the rest of the day. 

Given that we did not have planned outings today, I changed my parents linens on their bed. It is quite a task (which I only take on every two weeks), especially when my dad uses about 15 pillows. Needless to say, I have to address their bed, when I don't have morning commitments. 

Meanwhile, Peter has been re-organizing his office space, as he begins his new job in April. When we lived in Washington, DC we had many of these plastic bins. Now they are only taking up space. Not knowing what to do with something, always inspires me to check in with the app, Next Door! 

I can't tell you how many things I have given away for free on Next Door. So we took a photo of these bins and within an hour, I had 7 people who wanted them! I just love the fact that someone else can use these great items and I do not have to worry about packing up the car and donating them. 

Monday, March 20, 2023

Monday, March 20, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. I snapped this photo because Mattie built this creation out of everyday items! In fact, Mattie's art therapists learned quickly that Mattie loved boxes and other everyday items. They saved these things for him just so he could create! I can't tell you how appreciated all of this was, because when physically doing something, it helped to distract Mattie and in the process it would change the emotional tone in the hospital room!

Quote of the day: The human capacity for burden is like bamboo - far more flexible than you'd ever believe at first glance. ~ Jodi Picoult

I couldn't get up this morning. I am very tired! But by 7:15am, I knew I had to get it going otherwise my dad wouldn't get to his memory care program in time. I feel worn down and I am struggling with an on and off again sore throat. I have no other symptoms and it could simply be seasonal allergies, but it's an overall sense of exhaustion that I feel each and every day that wears me down. 

If you read last night's blog posting, you know that I am now tracking my dad's nightly movements on a nanny camera. Again, he was up at 3am, and sat on the toilet for thirty minutes, and then went through his morning routine of brushing his teeth and so forth. We purchased a clock that we will install in the toilet area, in hopes that he will be able to track time. But frankly I am a realist. My dad's memory issues have rapidly declined in a year. He can't recall what happened 30 seconds ago. 

For example, on Sunday we took my parents out to brunch. As soon as we got home and I put him in his reclining chair (in the family room), he asked.... are we going out today to eat? Understand that he literally had a three course meal and just got back home, which entailed walking from the car into the house! He remembered NONE of it! It truly is demoralizing and frustrating as his caregiver.

The days my dad goes to the memory care center, he travels with a notebook in his pocket. So he can take notes (and record one thing about his day!) Mind you he is the one who wants a notebook and I think in his earlier stages of dementia, the notebook served some sort of purpose. But now, he can't remember to take notes, has no interest in recording anything, and the only thing the notebook accomplishes is it produces great irritation to the rest of us.  

Eating is also a nightmare. As my dad eats extremely fast and my mom eats extremely slow. Though I am not a fast eater, I have to eat at my dad's pace because if I don't I will never be able to eat. When we go out to restaurants, it is a thorough show in which he constantly needs tissues (because when he eats, it always triggers a runny nose, and I am picking up tissues so others don't have to), has some sort of issue, or needs to run to the bathroom. Needless to say, I haven't had a peaceful meal since my parents moved in with us. From this chronic stressful pace, I have developed heartburn after each meal. 

In the midst of this daily chaos, I am still trying to process through FOUR courses that I need to complete to participate on a research study team. This whole process has been SO time consuming that yesterday I decided to pay for continuing education units to apply toward my license! I might as well get something for all this time! As you can see, I completed two courses and today began the third! 

This third course has 9 modules, of which I did 2 today. I can handle only about two modules a day, so at this pace I might be finished with this course this week, and the hopes is I can begin the fourth and final course over the weekend!

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Sunday, March 19, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. Mattie was in the outpatient clinic of the hospital and working in his favorite area.... the art therapy corner. That day, Mattie was working on a piece of clay. He was learning how to use a potter's wheel. At the time, I had no idea that this creation was going to get glazed in red and become a mother's day gift for me. To this day, I cherish this red vase, which is currently in our living room on display!

This photo was taken in May of 2009! Mattie presented me with the finished clay product (which was started above) for Mother's Day!  

Quote of the day: We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. ~ Chuck Swindoll

Given the various feedback I have been receiving from my mom about what goes on at night with my dad, Peter helped me install a nanny camera in my dad's bathroom. This morning we looked at the footage, which produces live video footage every time the camera is tripped. What I discovered was my dad was up at 3am and stayed in the bathroom until 4am. Specifically he went to sit on the toilet from 3-3:45am. He was NOT sleeping while seated, he just has NO IDEA of the time. I know this problem from his daylight hours with me. I time everything he does from his time in the shower, to time in the bathroom. This is necessary because to him 45 minutes can feel like a second. In addition, he no longer has insight of physical sensation. Meaning, he can't tell you whether he has just urinated or had a bowel movement, even a second after completion. So I am not at all surprised by the data captured on last night's camera. 

I have a digital clock and calendar on the vanity for my dad. Next to it, I have a log for each day, so he can record when he went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, washed with mouthwash, and shaved. By the time I get to him in the morning, he has checked everything off the list. But what the camera now confirms for me is that he is doing each of these activities multiple times, regardless of whether it is recorded right in front of him on the daily log. So for example, yesterday he brushed his teeth at 3:45am and again at 8am. Does any of this really matter?

Well not exactly, other than I need to understand his night time patterns and to determine if once he is done in the bathroom, if he attempts to leave the bedroom, or whether he returns to bed. So far, each time he returns to bed. I am not as anxious about my dad wandering, mainly because he is considered a physically lazy individual. He has been this way his entire adult life. He has no interest at exploring or walking around, and prefers options that involve relaxing and lying down. This trait is now the one blessing I have in the whole horrible equation. 

This afternoon, we took my parents out to brunch. We go to the same place each Sunday and our fabulous server is Cheryl. It turns out that both Cheryl and I surprised each other with Easter gifts! I know Cheryl likes chocolate and also enjoys to decorate, so I had fun putting together an Easter basket for her. Cheryl gave me many of the lovely items you see here. Frankly I wasn't in the mood to decorate for Easter, but Cheryl's gift inspired me to get it in gear and get with the season. More to come, but this is a start.